My own demo of different ways to see the same thing, based on an example in the book?Trust the Children: A Manual and Activity Guide for Homeschooling and Alternative Learning?by Anna Kealoha.
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Adam Daniel's, on How I Learn: ?Some things I have learned from Pok¨¦mon
(??, where you can click through to larger images if you really want to study them)
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Pam Laricchia's (which I have saved here:??)
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Because we can put images in here, and I came across a couple of pages with graphic representations of connections (by Pam Laricchia, and by Adam Daniel (with his mom's help), years back), I will share something I just found. ?I love the "insight" and "wisdom" illustrations, and the rest are fun, too.
Everything you know or even think might eventually connect to another thing, or three, or twelve. ?I don't know who made it; it's a hand-me-down.
Sandra
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Chores, by Joyce, written for mainstream parents
#outcomes
Joyce Fetteroll is writing at Quora, and though unschoolers will read it (if they're lucky, or if they're following Joyce around :-) ), but she is summarizing what she developed, discovered, and polished over her many years of unschooling discussions, for the benefit of "regular" parents.
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This, on Chores, is really good.? I didn't read the comments.? I've read so many comments over the years that I expect them to be the same old stuff, and Joyce is better than most people at turning the thing over and handing it back in a more sensible arrangement. :-)
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
A Just Add Light and Stir post I was working on has a quote about protecting one's children from each other (mine, anyway :-) ) and links to a page I rarely send out.
Protect the peace
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One of my main principles has been that it's my job to protect the peace of each of my children in his or her own home insofar as I can. I'm not just here to protect them from outsiders, axe-murderers and boogie-men of whatever real or imagined sort, but from each other as well. |
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photo by Sandra Dodd
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
Treating someone with respect doesn't mean treating everyone the same, or even the same as you would like to be treated yourself. Respect means understanding their boundaries and how they like to be treated, and acting on that. I have friends who I will swear in front of, and friends who I won't. I have friends who I joke around with a lot, and friends with whom I am more serious. One of my children is very sensitive to loud noises so I try to be quieter when she is around. My husband doesn't like sarcasm so I don't use it when I'm talking to him, I'm still being myself in all these situations, and I don't always get it right, but if I overstep someone's boundary I apologise and try to do things differently next time.?
If my kids are talking to someone and it is upsetting the other person, I usually intervene. I apologise to the other person if necessary, and talk to my child (in private) about being more respectful and paying attention to how their actions are impacting someone else. We often talk about different situations and how different behaviour is appropriate at various times - we are all more careful about how we speak when at Grandma's, some places we go call for quiet talking, other places it's ok to be louder etc. If anyone in my house speaks unkindly to anyone else, I pull them up on it - my kids' friends quickly learn that that name calling or being mean is not acceptable in my house. I know the kids and their friends sometimes talk less respectfully to each other when they are on their own, and they work out their own dynamics, but I'm really clear that I don't tolerate people being rude to each other and they all respect that when I'm around.
Relationships with people can be tricky and none of us get it right all the time, but I true respect involves working on the relationship so that both parties are comfortable with the interactions.
Annie
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
-=-What am I missing here? Am I projecting my own feelings in these situations? Am I wanting this other girl to be the friend she likes most because *I* find her more pleasant?-=-
I would disregard the "best friend" designation and not use it anymore.? She's too little to know what it might mean, or not, and it's not important anyway.? Kids her age have the friend of the moment, when they're playing, and they don't have control about when and where things will happen.??
Maybe just talk about her playing with that boy, or not playing with him, and drop the overlay of friendship and level of friendship.? They're playing in the moment, or they're not.
If it were me, I would tell the mom that the boy is being physically abusive of his sister, and the mom is failing to protect her child, but that doesn't mean you need to fail to protect your own.
Sandra
-- (This doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, but it is one.)
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
PS: I forgot to say that this thread reminded me of this situation because the boy's mum in the story above was prioritising the child's autonomy/freedom and her desire to treat him with respect. And I found that their focus on this as a priority meant that they treat other people quite disrespectfully, from what I observed.?
On Tue, 28 Jul 2020 at 3:40, Bernadette Lynn <bernadette.lynn@...> wrote:
My nearly 13 y/o is treated with respect and fully as a person by us. As he¡¯s grown and we¡¯ve more fully understood what this?means And looks like, I have realized how much this HASN'T been the case in our generational family. I don¡¯t remember feeling disrespected when I was young, but I DO VERY MUCH remember being treated as dramatic and often outright ignored for/when desperately trying to express my feelings. Later I was often reprimanded and even grounded for attempting to speak my (highly unpopular) truths about my step father, for instance.?
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Treating someone with respect doesn't necessarily mean accepting any behaviour without question. Some feelings are better not expressed, or at least in ways that are offensive and hurtful to the person you're expressing to.? Treating your son with respect could include treating him as someone intelligent and sensible enough to listen and understand if you tell him something is offensive. And it is a parent's job to coach a child in tact and social expectations.
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My son said ¡°if I respect someone I treat them as my equal¡± an excellent perspective. However this was his explanation while I tried to discuss his impulsively telling his best friends mom (also radical unschooling) ¡°to shut the fuck up Sally¡± over the boys Skype call.
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Part of treating someone with respect has to be trying to see things from their perspective. To understand how they feel when someone rudely swears at them. And to know that you are not 'treating them as your equal' by saying it,? unless they speak that way to you. If you have boundaries around what you are happy to have said or done to you, then being equal would mean respecting the boundaries of other people. At 12 your child is old enough to understand that shouting obscenities at adults is not, in any way, respectful. It isn't respectful to speak to peers that way either, even if they will tolerate it.?
Your son doesn't have the right to tell other people, in their own homes, to shut up, with or without swearing. When on a Skype call with a friend, he's talking to people in their own homes. And they have the right to talk, in their own homes, without being told to shut up by someone from outside.
I have told my children, quite plainly, that I don't consider it acceptable to swear at people. If they swear when they stub a toe, or if a game goes badly, that's up to them - although there are places where those aren't acceptable either -? but they don't swear at people. Not even their friends. It's hurtful, upsetting, makes people feel threatened or bullied, and doesn't help them like you more. If something will make you look like a jerk, don't do it. That's not how you want people to think about you.
Bernadette.
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
====...? but they don't swear at people. Not even their friends. It's hurtful, upsetting, makes people feel threatened or bullied, and doesn't help them like you more. If something will make you look like a jerk, don't do it. That's not how you want people to think about you... ====
There's this 4 year old in our neighbourhood that my 6year old daughter started playing a lot with during the slightly-more-restricted months before lockdown started easing where we live and she could see a few of her usual friends again.?
One time when my husband had taken my daughter to the park, she came back and told me she was sad because that child had been calling her mean names while they were playing.?Then I noticed that each time she came back from playing with him, she was upset because he kept hitting her multiple times. I told my husband about what my daughter said; his response was that I would have to deal with it myself since I'm the one who found a problem with it. (My husband is a lovely person loved by everyone, and he seems to actually enjoy being in "conflict-ridden" friendships whereas I can't seem to tolerate them.)
About a month and a half ago, I got a chance to witness firsthand how they played together and how this child interacted with his mum and one-and-a-half-year old sister. He was so rough and aggressive with everyone. That first day, among other things, I watched as he pinned his baby sister to the ground and then started forcefully(he's a really strong boy) pounding into her tummy with his fists and elbows. I watched to see if the mum would quickly intervene; she just sweetly and in a sing-song voice tried to *suggest* that he stop because, "...she might not like it. You *might* be too strong for her." ?
I also noticed that he would start using swear words, sometimes directed at my daughter sometimes not, whenever his mum was distracted dealing with something else, which often happens to be his little sister. Which took me back to what my daughter had told me a while ago.?
When he tried to be aggressive with me, I told him, "No. I will only play with you if you play nicely." He never tried again, but I noticed he then switched to passive aggressive behaviour for a while.?
The times he hit or shoved my daughter that day(and this was like 5 or 6 times my daughter was reduced to tears in one afternoon), I stepped in to say, "Stop! That is not OK!" but the mum quickly cut me off and explained for him why he had done it, "I think you were a bit frustrated darling, weren't you?", or "You were failing to find words. It must be frustrating.", "You shoved her a little." And all this with no acknowledgement of how my daughter felt.
My instinct in all this was to walk away and never make contact with them again. But strangely (I found it strange, but obviously there's something I'm missing) my daughter kept saying she still wants to play with him because he was her "best friend". Besides, trying to avoid them wouldn't have worked as they live right across from us and always come to follow us the moment they see us outside.?
Things got a bit better after I spoke to his mum to try and make the friendship work. I've arranged other playdates at my daughter's request, but he will still become aggressive if my daughter doesn't agree to play the way he wants to, or if she refuses to do what he wants her to do, which is usually to do something they'd been told not to do for viable reasons (like picking rubbish out of the bin in a park and throwing it around, or forcing her to runaway and hide with him in a busy park so we won't find them because I told them it's not safe while the park is too crowded for us to easily spot them.)
I'm really trying my best to like this child for my daughter's sake. I don't like the way he is often trying to force her to do the wrong thing. When my daughter starts to speak up for herself when he is being unkind or trying to force her to do the wrong thing, he resorts to being aggressive with her.
But I've generally noticed that my daughter seems to be drawn to kids who are quite often unkind to her and like to dictate how they play. They're the ones she calls her "best friends" even when she's only just met them. I asked her once why she gives in to the pressure of doing something that I can see she's uncomfortable with, and she told me she was scared they wouldn't want to be her friends anymore.?
On the flip side, she's got a friend she's known since they were babies. My daughter and this girl *get* each other when they're playing. They both instinctively understand each other because they both like to pretend play. We'll often find then playing games like "pet grooming shops" or "Squirrel family". When they disagree on something, they're both confident enough with each other to express their opinions(which they both struggle with when playing with kids with more dominant personalities). They always have so much fun together, and they're always eager for me to join in their games.?
I told my daughter once that when I see how she relates with this girl, I think of them as best friends. Her reply was, "E is not my best friend, because when I asked her if she was, she said she just wants to be my normal friend." ?
What am I missing here? Am I projecting my own feelings in these situations? Am I wanting this other girl to be the friend she likes most because *I* find her more pleasant?
Rachael
On Tue, 28 Jul 2020 at 3:40, Bernadette Lynn <bernadette.lynn@...> wrote:
My nearly 13 y/o is treated with respect and fully as a person by us. As he¡¯s grown and we¡¯ve more fully understood what this?means And looks like, I have realized how much this HASN'T been the case in our generational family. I don¡¯t remember feeling disrespected when I was young, but I DO VERY MUCH remember being treated as dramatic and often outright ignored for/when desperately trying to express my feelings. Later I was often reprimanded and even grounded for attempting to speak my (highly unpopular) truths about my step father, for instance.?
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Treating someone with respect doesn't necessarily mean accepting any behaviour without question. Some feelings are better not expressed, or at least in ways that are offensive and hurtful to the person you're expressing to.? Treating your son with respect could include treating him as someone intelligent and sensible enough to listen and understand if you tell him something is offensive. And it is a parent's job to coach a child in tact and social expectations.
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==================================
My son said ¡°if I respect someone I treat them as my equal¡± an excellent perspective. However this was his explanation while I tried to discuss his impulsively telling his best friends mom (also radical unschooling) ¡°to shut the fuck up Sally¡± over the boys Skype call.
==============================
Part of treating someone with respect has to be trying to see things from their perspective. To understand how they feel when someone rudely swears at them. And to know that you are not 'treating them as your equal' by saying it,? unless they speak that way to you. If you have boundaries around what you are happy to have said or done to you, then being equal would mean respecting the boundaries of other people. At 12 your child is old enough to understand that shouting obscenities at adults is not, in any way, respectful. It isn't respectful to speak to peers that way either, even if they will tolerate it.?
Your son doesn't have the right to tell other people, in their own homes, to shut up, with or without swearing. When on a Skype call with a friend, he's talking to people in their own homes. And they have the right to talk, in their own homes, without being told to shut up by someone from outside.
I have told my children, quite plainly, that I don't consider it acceptable to swear at people. If they swear when they stub a toe, or if a game goes badly, that's up to them - although there are places where those aren't acceptable either -? but they don't swear at people. Not even their friends. It's hurtful, upsetting, makes people feel threatened or bullied, and doesn't help them like you more. If something will make you look like a jerk, don't do it. That's not how you want people to think about you.
Bernadette.
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
My nearly 13 y/o is treated with respect and fully as a person by us. As he¡¯s grown and we¡¯ve more fully understood what this?means And looks like, I have realized how much this HASN'T been the case in our generational family. I don¡¯t remember feeling disrespected when I was young, but I DO VERY MUCH remember being treated as dramatic and often outright ignored for/when desperately trying to express my feelings. Later I was often reprimanded and even grounded for attempting to speak my (highly unpopular) truths about my step father, for instance.?
============================
Treating someone with respect doesn't necessarily mean accepting any behaviour without question. Some feelings are better not expressed, or at least in ways that are offensive and hurtful to the person you're expressing to.? Treating your son with respect could include treating him as someone intelligent and sensible enough to listen and understand if you tell him something is offensive. And it is a parent's job to coach a child in tact and social expectations.
?
==================================
My son said ¡°if I respect someone I treat them as my equal¡± an excellent perspective. However this was his explanation while I tried to discuss his impulsively telling his best friends mom (also radical unschooling) ¡°to shut the fuck up Sally¡± over the boys Skype call.
==============================
Part of treating someone with respect has to be trying to see things from their perspective. To understand how they feel when someone rudely swears at them. And to know that you are not 'treating them as your equal' by saying it,? unless they speak that way to you. If you have boundaries around what you are happy to have said or done to you, then being equal would mean respecting the boundaries of other people. At 12 your child is old enough to understand that shouting obscenities at adults is not, in any way, respectful. It isn't respectful to speak to peers that way either, even if they will tolerate it.?
Your son doesn't have the right to tell other people, in their own homes, to shut up, with or without swearing. When on a Skype call with a friend, he's talking to people in their own homes. And they have the right to talk, in their own homes, without being told to shut up by someone from outside.
I have told my children, quite plainly, that I don't consider it acceptable to swear at people. If they swear when they stub a toe, or if a game goes badly, that's up to them - although there are places where those aren't acceptable either -? but they don't swear at people. Not even their friends. It's hurtful, upsetting, makes people feel threatened or bullied, and doesn't help them like you more. If something will make you look like a jerk, don't do it. That's not how you want people to think about you.
Bernadette.
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
I think having "equality" as a goal has the same problems as "freedom."? If it's not true, there's no sense claiming it.
And as to partners, if one partner says "fuck" to someone else, the partnership loses points.??
It is true and it is inevitable that bad behavior on the part of a child reflects badly on the parent.? Tell him so.? Ask him to stop.
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I don't have a page on problems with equality, but the freedom? page might help.
There are links to more at the bottom of that.
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Sandra
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
I think I see the reasoning. He¡¯s saying treating everyone the way he would treat a peer (equal) with what he considers respect is treating people with respect. If he has to treat someone better than he would a peer because they¡¯re older then they¡¯re no longer equals. He is, instead, acting with deference towards them instead of being equals.
I¡¯d say that¡¯s typical young teen logic as he tries to figure out these rules he ¡°has to¡± obey in order to be acceptable. He¡¯s trying to figure out if it still makes sense or if it¡¯s a fossil from a no-longer-relevant older age. That¡¯s a good thing! But it can create some awkward situations. ;-)
There are two parts to respect. There¡¯s the intent to treat someone with respect. And then there¡¯s whether someone felt respected. Intent to respect isn¡¯t enough. If the purpose is to treat someone with respect, they need to feel respected for it to be respect.
It¡¯s like communication. No, it is communication. No matter how clear someone feels they¡¯re being, if the other person doesn¡¯t understand, the speaker hasn't communicated. All the speaker has been doing is talking. If someone doesn¡¯t feel respected, respect wasn¡¯t communicated.
This is true of all of these types of communication. Love, appreciation, support, caring, kindness and so on. No matter how loving a parent believes they are, if the child feels unloved, the effect is no different from the parent choosing to be unloving.
No matter how hard a parent works to provide a clean home, healthy meals, money to buy things, if a child feels neglected, then the parent hasn¡¯t communicated their love. They¡¯re communicating that all those things are more important than spending time with the child.
No matter how equal a child felt being able to say ¡°Shut the fuck up¡± to an adult, if the other felt hurt and disrespected then the child failed to communicate their intent.
That doesn¡¯t necessarily mean the treatment was disrespectful. (Though in this case it clearly was.) Some people have such high standards for feeling respected that they¡¯re being disrespectful in return. If the intent is still to treat them with respect, it calls for adjustment. It may be possible to negotiate what you¡¯re wiling to do. (Like no kissing the feet. ;-) ) If not, then give them what they want when necessary and avoid them as much as possible other times.
I¡¯ve heard some (less socially savvy) people ask, ¡°How can I possibly know how someone wants to be treated?¡± The Golden Rule is a good beginning point. Treat others as you¡¯d want to be treated. But if that treatment fails to convey the intent, that¡¯s feedback that the actions need tweaked. It¡¯s also an opportunity to practice how to graciously correct one's self! We can guess how people want to be treated. We can then learn from experience if the first guess was off the mark.
Joyce
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Re: Helping kids be respectful
-=-My question is there is now some confusion on my son's part & my own what this equality looks like at times. -=-
"Equality" might not have been a good goal to have.? You're not equal to him within the family.? You're more experienced.? You have responsibilities he doesn't have (to him, to the government for doing what is expected of parents, to the neighbors, to parents of his friends).
-=-My son said ¡°if I respect someone I treat them as my equal¡± an excellent perspective.?-=-
It hasn't proven excellent lately, though.? There's a glitch.
Here are some things that might help.
There are links at the bottoms of both of those.
I advised my kids, when they were young, to be nice so they would be invited back.? Seemed simple; they got it.
Different people have different personalities, though.
Sandra
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Helping kids be respectful
I hope people will help brainstorm this, but new members who aren't longtime unschoolers, hang back and just read.
There were two names.? I took one out and changed one, so it could be anonymous.? I don't want anyone to find this after the kid is respectfully reformed and think badly of him! :-)
______________________
My nearly 13 y/o is treated with respect and fully as a person by us. As he¡¯s grown and we¡¯ve more fully understood what this?means And looks like, I have realized how much this HASN'T been the case in our generational family. I don¡¯t remember feeling disrespected when I was young, but I DO VERY MUCH remember being treated as dramatic and often outright ignored for/when desperately trying to express my feelings. Later I was often reprimanded and even grounded for attempting to speak my (highly unpopular) truths about my step father, for instance.?
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As my son has grown I¡¯ve seen it in more aspects of our larger family dynamics and I¡¯m so sorry for not understanding earlier when my big kids (27,29,31) were growing.
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My question is there is now some confusion on my son's part & my own what this equality looks like at times.?
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My son said ¡°if I respect someone I treat them as my equal¡± an excellent perspective. However this was his explanation while I tried to discuss his impulsively telling his best friends mom (also radical unschooling) ¡°to shut the fuck up Sally¡± over the boys Skype call.
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She understandably was angry and let the boys know and me.
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I¡¯m looking for suggestions of ways to both explain & model the fine line between being equal and WHY this is not acceptable. Beyond it not being appropriate to speak to your friends mom like this. The WHY of this.
Thank you?
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"educatin'" (someone asked me about...)
A question was asked under a post at Just Add Light and Stir, in 2012.? I'm working through all the old posts, and finding some interesting old bits, and some beautiful posts I had forgotten about.
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Someone asked (in an inappropriate place, out of context):
I read Katy's story a few days ago and today I am still left wondering; what is it about sleeping in late and playing xbox games for?hours at a time that has anything to do with ANY kind of educatin'? :-/ I don't get it...
?Sandra Dodd:
If you look for learning and good relationships, and stop looking for "educatin,' "? you might begin to see what we're seeing.
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Enjoy. :-)??
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I hope Learn Nothing Day went well and you had a bit of fun with it!
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Sandra
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Social Growth (from London, 2009)
Every person we mention unschooling to for our child seems most concerned with his social growth, i.e. how will he learn how to be with other people without going to school. What is your response to this and what reply would you recommend to this?
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It might be useful to ask conversationally, "What do you mean?" It's very likely they don't know what they mean. It's a question asked out of very vague fear. If they have an answer, say "Can you give me an example?" It probably won't take much to lead them to see that they haven't really thought much about the topic.
Some home educating families feel that they're on trial, or at least being tested. If someone asks you something like "What about his social growth?" it's not an oral exam. You're not required to recite. You could say "We're not worried about it" and smile, until you develop particular stories about your own child. It's easier as your children get older and you're sharing what you *know* rather than what you've read or heard.
These might help, depending on the way the questions are coming along.
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Re: The importance of eye contact :-) (from 2009, London)
I think eye contact is also important for the parents, especially with infants. I was usually less stressed or frazzled when I had either physical and/or eye contact, especially in social/public settings. I remember feeling very anxious when the hood was over the facing out stroller and I could partially hear but not use my visual clues to discern my babies needs.
20+ years later after having a stroke, I had to ride in a wheelchair at the grocery store and on a trip to the zoo. It was disconcerting at times being pushed from behind and feeling thrust into the crowd ahead of us. I have some social anxiety which doesn¡¯t help, but I felt very visible.
It reminded me of when toddlers & children turn their faces to avoid eye contact when they are shy or because it might feel like an invasion of privacy or personal space for them.?
Dena
On Tue, Jul 14, 2020 at 3:14 PM Sandra Dodd < Sandra@...> wrote: Eye contact¡ªmany reasons for lack of it, but as parents we may have to encourage buggy manufacturers to design them with the baby facing the mother, at least up to the first year.
This was a comment more than a question, but it's a good point. Part of the way babies learn has to do with eye contact. Many mothers involved in "alternative methods" use slings instead of strollers or buggies, or tend to carry the babies on their hips and carry their other things in the stroller.
Brits were using strollers way more than any Americans I had ever seen use them, and for longer, I noticed as far back as my first visit in the late 1970s, when I saw a car bump a stroller gently in a crosswalk, and the mom just shouted at the driver and waved her arm, as she continued along.? Big kids, too, four or five, were in strollers. :-)
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What do you think about eye contact?? Marty's and Kirby's families have strollers where the seat can be facing in our out.? I think toddlers would rather look OUT at where they're going (mine did) than to be riding backwards and looking at the mom, but infants... maybe seeing the mom would be a comfort.? Mind slept in the stroller, if we went very far.? I would "walk them to sleep" sometimes, in a stroller or backpack.? The backpack had no eye contact, but they could feel me or their dad breathing, and probably could feel heartbeat.? Slings, same, for sure.
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The question was left after a conference in London, in 2009.
I had left everyone a link to the page where responses to overflow or later questions would be.
-- Embracing His grace,Dena
Deuteronomy 28:12 "The?LORD?will open for you His good storehouse, the heavens, to give rain to your land in its season and to bless all the?work of your hand;
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Re: The importance of eye contact :-) (from 2009, London)
Our pushchair had a carseat that attached to it that faced backwards, so when mine were very little they went in that and could make eye contact; when they got too big they were forward-facing or I carried them in a sling and used the pushchair to carry all the paraphernalia?I had to lug around. But even forward-facing I would stop to make eye-contact with them and reassure them if they were upset, and talk or sing to them as we went. So it wasn't exactly a matter of 'rear-facing or no eye contact or interaction'.
I don't know how parents manage without a pushchair/stroller/buggy/pram. I would still take one with us, if I didn't feel too silly now they're all teenagers. It took all our coats, bags, shopping, snacks and drinks, umbrellas - and I could lean on it when I was tired. And ours was big enough for all four children together, when they were all under ten.
Bernadette.
On Tue, 14 Jul 2020 at 21:14, Sandra Dodd < Sandra@...> wrote: Eye contact¡ªmany reasons for lack of it, but as parents we may have to encourage buggy manufacturers to design them with the baby facing the mother, at least up to the first year.
This was a comment more than a question, but it's a good point. Part of the way babies learn has to do with eye contact. Many mothers involved in "alternative methods" use slings instead of strollers or buggies, or tend to carry the babies on their hips and carry their other things in the stroller.
Brits were using strollers way more than any Americans I had ever seen use them, and for longer, I noticed as far back as my first visit in the late 1970s, when I saw a car bump a stroller gently in a crosswalk, and the mom just shouted at the driver and waved her arm, as she continued along.? Big kids, too, four or five, were in strollers. :-)
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What do you think about eye contact?? Marty's and Kirby's families have strollers where the seat can be facing in our out.? I think toddlers would rather look OUT at where they're going (mine did) than to be riding backwards and looking at the mom, but infants... maybe seeing the mom would be a comfort.? Mind slept in the stroller, if we went very far.? I would "walk them to sleep" sometimes, in a stroller or backpack.? The backpack had no eye contact, but they could feel me or their dad breathing, and probably could feel heartbeat.? Slings, same, for sure.
?
The question was left after a conference in London, in 2009.
I had left everyone a link to the page where responses to overflow or later questions would be.
_._,_._,_
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The importance of eye contact :-) (from 2009, London)
Eye contact¡ªmany reasons for lack of it, but as parents we may have to encourage buggy manufacturers to design them with the baby facing the mother, at least up to the first year.
This was a comment more than a question, but it's a good point. Part of the way babies learn has to do with eye contact. Many mothers involved in "alternative methods" use slings instead of strollers or buggies, or tend to carry the babies on their hips and carry their other things in the stroller.
Brits were using strollers way more than any Americans I had ever seen use them, and for longer, I noticed as far back as my first visit in the late 1970s, when I saw a car bump a stroller gently in a crosswalk, and the mom just shouted at the driver and waved her arm, as she continued along.? Big kids, too, four or five, were in strollers. :-)
?
What do you think about eye contact?? Marty's and Kirby's families have strollers where the seat can be facing in our out.? I think toddlers would rather look OUT at where they're going (mine did) than to be riding backwards and looking at the mom, but infants... maybe seeing the mom would be a comfort.? Mind slept in the stroller, if we went very far.? I would "walk them to sleep" sometimes, in a stroller or backpack.? The backpack had no eye contact, but they could feel me or their dad breathing, and probably could feel heartbeat.? Slings, same, for sure.
?
The question was left after a conference in London, in 2009.
I had left everyone a link to the page where responses to overflow or later questions would be.
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Sandra Dodd