¿ªÔÆÌåÓýI think I see the reasoning. He¡¯s saying treating everyone the way he would treat a peer (equal) with what he considers respect is treating people with respect. If he has to treat someone better than he would a peer because they¡¯re older then they¡¯re no longer equals. He is, instead, acting with deference towards them instead of being equals.I¡¯d say that¡¯s typical young teen logic as he tries to figure out these rules he ¡°has to¡± obey in order to be acceptable. He¡¯s trying to figure out if it still makes sense or if it¡¯s a fossil from a no-longer-relevant older age. That¡¯s a good thing! But it can create some awkward situations. ;-) There are two parts to respect. There¡¯s the intent to treat someone with respect. And then there¡¯s whether someone felt respected. Intent to respect isn¡¯t enough. If the purpose is to treat someone with respect, they need to feel respected for it to be respect. It¡¯s like communication. No, it is communication. No matter how clear someone feels they¡¯re being, if the other person doesn¡¯t understand, the speaker hasn't communicated. All the speaker has been doing is talking. If someone doesn¡¯t feel respected, respect wasn¡¯t communicated. This is true of all of these types of communication. Love, appreciation, support, caring, kindness and so on. No matter how loving a parent believes they are, if the child feels unloved, the effect is no different from the parent choosing to be unloving. No matter how hard a parent works to provide a clean home, healthy meals, money to buy things, if a child feels neglected, then the parent hasn¡¯t communicated their love. They¡¯re communicating that all those things are more important than spending time with the child. No matter how equal a child felt being able to say ¡°Shut the fuck up¡± to an adult, if the other felt hurt and disrespected then the child failed to communicate their intent. That doesn¡¯t necessarily mean the treatment was disrespectful. (Though in this case it clearly was.) Some people have such high standards for feeling respected that they¡¯re being disrespectful in return. If the intent is still to treat them with respect, it calls for adjustment. It may be possible to negotiate what you¡¯re wiling to do. (Like no kissing the feet. ;-) ) If not, then give them what they want when necessary and avoid them as much as possible other times. I¡¯ve heard some (less socially savvy) people ask, ¡°How can I possibly know how someone wants to be treated?¡± The Golden Rule is a good beginning point. Treat others as you¡¯d want to be treated. But if that treatment fails to convey the intent, that¡¯s feedback that the actions need tweaked. It¡¯s also an opportunity to practice how to graciously correct one's self! We can guess how people want to be treated. We can then learn from experience if the first guess was off the mark. Joyce |
