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Treating someone with respect doesn't mean treating everyone the same, or even the same as you would like to be treated yourself. Respect means understanding their boundaries and how they like to be treated, and acting on that. I have friends who I will swear in front of, and friends who I won't. I have friends who I joke around with a lot, and friends with whom I am more serious. One of my children is very sensitive to loud noises so I try to be quieter when she is around. My husband doesn't like sarcasm so I don't use it when I'm talking to him, I'm still being myself in all these situations, and I don't always get it right, but if I overstep someone's boundary I apologise and try to do things differently next time.?

If my kids are talking to someone and it is upsetting the other person, I usually intervene. I apologise to the other person if necessary, and talk to my child (in private) about being more respectful and paying attention to how their actions are impacting someone else. We often talk about different situations and how different behaviour is appropriate at various times - we are all more careful about how we speak when at Grandma's, some places we go call for quiet talking, other places it's ok to be louder etc. If anyone in my house speaks unkindly to anyone else, I pull them up on it - my kids' friends quickly learn that that name calling or being mean is not acceptable in my house. I know the kids and their friends sometimes talk less respectfully to each other when they are on their own, and they work out their own dynamics, but I'm really clear that I don't tolerate people being rude to each other and they all respect that when I'm around.

Relationships with people can be tricky and none of us get it right all the time, but I true respect involves working on the relationship so that both parties are comfortable with the interactions.

Annie