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Thank you for the reminder!? We already had a conversation about our state law and how even if she isn't drinking, if she's with people who are she could potentially lose her license, but I didn't

I loved the joy of your post, and this paragraph reminded me of Adventures in Babysitting (a good film from the old days) and of Ferris Beuller's Day Off, and of less joyful "adventure"

-=-The thing that seemed to make the biggest change was giving her a special set for her own to use as she wishes. I had just that set- it was my grandpa's, the pieces are beautifully realistic,

I didn't get to what I was building up to. :-)? Sorry. When Keith and I had a brief, loud argument, one of us might've been rational, but neither one was. In our regular partnership if one of us is

I read this in the linked pages and was excited.? Our oldest just got her learners permit yesterday.? She's 15 1/2 (she's not currently unschooling, but was for many years, and two of her siblings

I wanted to comment on the topic title. :-) Putting quotation marks on "irrational" does suggest the mom knows that a four year old couldn't be "rational," or that it's something the mom considers

We have little grandkids over sometimes, who are 2, 3, 4, 5 years old (the current ages of the younger four of five—the eldest is 13). We do NOT have the energy we had!? Keith is better with these

This is linked, but I want to highlight it: "I deserve..." or "ALL children deserve..." is a signpost taking you down a brambly path. http://sandradodd.com/deserve If you're ever wishing there were

This is not a beginning topic, but I cleaned up an older page, and created a newer one of existing parts. :-) Those both lead to "Cake," which is also mostly about sacrifice. Magical sacrifices (not

These posts seem most helpful to me when there is a progress update, so wanted to provide that. This link was incredibly helpful! https://sandradodd.com/voices Thank you for referencing it. In light

No one's getting perfect, but "better" is easily doable! Approximation of Sandra’s words from a decade or more ago (paraphrased): if you can pause long enough to make two choices before you react,

-=-.... flooded with defensive scripts-=- I forgot to include the link to ideas about sorting through those repeating loops—sometimes in our own voices, but very often in voices of older relatives

Sandra, I am so grateful that you have pointed this out! After reading the link ( https://sandradodd.com/issues/ridiculous ) I am horrified to think I could have gone my whole marriage with this

I doubt you're the reason she prefers you to her dad right now. Lots of people have baggage from their childhoods. Somewhere between most and all.? Learning to notice "the voices in your head," and

None; she's four years old. Way too many words.? A mountain of words too many, for a four year old.? Too many for an adult who hasn't paid you for counseling. I despise those "active listening"

I'm working on a page on my site that has a quote from me, in? this group. :-) "It's not so important to talk to a child about those things as to respond to the child with the awareness that

I didn't realize I hadn't mentioned empathy with DD until Cara pointed it out. I do empathize. When DD is angry to the point of rage, I will tell her "I know it's hard to feel out of control and I

He should not be hit, especially to the point where he feels like he has to protect himself. If you haven't been able to proactively prevent the situations where she starts hitting, a firm "No

What you said about processing my own anger in an outward way so that she can see how to do it- that is a great point! Here everyone around her are internal processors and she probably just thinks we

I wonder how she would respond to either you or her sibling playing a second game of chess with her (with whatever rules she wants) while you play with the older child. I have never used it, but i