No one's getting perfect, but "better" is easily doable!
Approximation of Sandra¡¯s words from a decade or more ago (paraphrased): if you can pause long enough to make two choices before you react, then choose the better of those two options, that¡¯s how you start ¡°doing better¡±.?
For me, I try to do this with the loops in my head that criticize and berate me - and it helps me try to deactivate some of them and choose nicer things to say to myself.?
It was intended in a different context I think (don¡¯t have to search it right now but maybe someone will bring a more accurate quote or link) - essentially about the path to making ¡°better¡± (kinder, less reflexive, more reflective) choices in parenting.?
I find helps me re-parent myself, though, since the voices in my head are usually those of my own parents, who weren¡¯t perfect either.?
Kate
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Sent from my phone - typos are unintentional!!
On Dec 21, 2022, at 1:36 PM, Sandra Dodd <aelflaed@...> wrote:
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-=-....?flooded with defensive scripts-=-
I forgot to include the link to ideas about sorting through those repeating loops¡ªsometimes in our own voices, but very often in voices of older relatives or friends or enemies.
I don't think any person ever clears out all the old tapes, but being aware that they ARE the mental recordings of messages is a step toward not being controlled by them, and not passing them on unexamined.??
My kids probably have my voice telling them one thing or another that I wish I could go back and edit. :-)
No one's getting perfect, but "better" is easily doable!
