Daily Clean Jokes and Cartoons for December 8, 2024
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Daily Clean Jokes for December 8, 2024 Today's Clean Limerick from Kirk The ballet school director who shows Up in classes at random times knows ????????????The result should be good, ????????????'Cause she thinks that it should Help to keep students all?on?their?toes. ? Jim and Carol and Conrad and Chris got it. ? Kirk Miller Don't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be.----- Kirk's Puns You have to hand it to palm readers. ? Did you hear about the brake company on the skids? ? Match makers like to strike up a light conversation. ? The King of the Jungle put on a crown of flowers.??He changed his mind, however, when he was accused of acting like a dandy lion. ? How do you clean ice off tall buildings? ????With sky scrapers _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Today's One-Liner When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? ----- Quote of the Day ¡°Learning to love and be kind to ourselves is a lifelong journey.¡± - Bren¨¦ Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Tall Tales:? Ladder Rungs Stretching? Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because Americans are getting taller. Manufacturers claim it's due to climb it change. ----- Remembering, Thankfulness, Appreciation The men convalescing at a veterans' hospital during World War II were encouraged to use a nearby golf course. Not all of the patients were strong enough to complete nine holes, but most of them managed to make it to the fifth fairway, which adjoined a tomato farm. These "off the vine" tomatoes were about the most delicious things the men had ever tasted. Consequently, much grumbling accompanied the installation of fence posts along the farm's property line. But imagine the vets' delight the next morning when, instead of the fence they expected, they found a saltshaker atop each post.
Why did the Turkey snicker alongside the stuffing? ----- Baby Billy was sitting in his mother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. ----- Thought Of The Day: Happiness By Choice "Happiness is not by chance but by choice." - Jim Rohn __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." ------ Jail Mail A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."? The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." ----- Bottle of Wine For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine. Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.? "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade." ----- More New Drugs on the Market Menicillin - Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?" Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.? Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. Sexcedrin - Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome. Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Original Airdate: September 27th, 1973 ~~ By Michael Roizen, M.D.? A full quarter of adults in this country are lying down on the job -- well, sitting down mostly. But regardless of how they're positioned, they're not active enough to protect their health or longevity. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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On Dec 8, 2024, at 5:14?AM, Marilyn L. Van Driesen via groups.io <mvandriesen@...> wrote:
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