Every Thanksgiving, my family would get together for a family dinner. We were a large family, but could only afford one turkey.??The children were at a separate table, and would have to wait for the platters to reach us after passing through the adults.??Even though I longed for some white meat, all too often the turkey would run out before the platters reached us, and I would not even get dark meat.??We would have to settle for hot dogs.??From that experience, I learned a very valuable lesson in life. "Hope for the breast, but prepare for the wurst."
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I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
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The numeral 10 asked the numeral 11 if she would go with him to the wedding as a plus one.
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The aspiring actress was auditioning at M.G.M. when the lion got loose, so she went to warn her brothers.
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How do chickens dance? Chick to chick.
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A little risque clip from Australia:??
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes me. Who ish you?
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Healthy Life Style
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."?
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
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Walk Across Water
A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore.
Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore.
The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.?
The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where the rocks were?"
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New Exercise Philosophy
Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.You are invited to use my program without charge.
1) Beating around the bush
2) Jumping to conclusions
3) Climbing the walls
4) Swallowing my pride
5) Passing the buck
6) Throwing my weight around
7) Dragging my heels
8) Pushing my luck
9) Making mountains out of molehills
10) Hitting the nail on the head
11) Wading through paperwork
12) Bending over backwards
13) Jumping on the bandwagon?
14) Balancing the books
15) Running around in circles
16) Eating crow
17) Tooting my own horn
18) Climbing the ladder of success
19) Pulling out the stops
20) Adding fuel to the fire
21) Opening a can of worms
22) Putting my foot in my mouth
23) Starting the ball rolling
24) Going over the edge
25) Picking up the pieces
Happy Exercising ...
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More Jokes from ArcaMax.com
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The official trailer for "Can You Gift It?,¡± the Google Shopping game show hosted by Jimmy Kimmel where iconic celebrity duos battle it out and answer trivia questions to shop deals!
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