Daily Clean Jokes and Comics for March 30, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for March 30, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? When you're teaching recruits how to schlep In a marching formation, the prep ????????????That all drill sergeants know ????????????That is best: Take it slow. Do not hurry; just go?step?by?step. ? Jim, Carol, Conrad, Bill, Chris got it.
?? -----? ? ? ? Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? ? ? It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to people who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance.?- Thomas Sowell "It's tax time coming. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink."??-- Dave Barry ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liner:? ?The only squat I'm doin' is Diddly! ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's Clean Pun:??While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that? " she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once. “?? ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Mice Jokes 0. What do we call a wireless mouse? Hamster. 1. What will happen if you can make mice dance to your tunes?? You will have a mice-tro. 2. What is a mysterious mouse with a hidden identity known as? 3. Why was the mouse laughing so hard at the mice joke? 4. Why did the mouse get arrested? 5. How did the mice in the house communicate when the homeowner got a cat? 6. Why was the mouse thrown out of the exam hall when the exam was in process? Because he was cheesing. 7. Why does Edward Scissorhands dislike using a computer mouse? 8. How can you make a drowning mouse recover after saving him? 9. Why did the mouse scream when he broke his tooth? 10. Where do most posh and rich mice go to when they need a hotel room? ?? Received from Da Mouse Tracks. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Kissing Son ? I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was in the middle of the dinner rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but the young couple, holding hands and kissing, were oblivious to everything around them. Although clearly not approving, the mother was silent until one prolonged kiss when the young man had his face and hands buried in his girlfriend's long, curly locks. "Do you have to do that here?" the embarrassed mother asked. "I'm not doing anything, Mom," came her son's muffled voice. "My earring's caught in her hair." ----- Train Good News A large, two-engined train was making its way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down. "No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line (if you didn't guess by now), the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere. The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn't take this trip in a plane!" Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them. ? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side ... Royal Riddle ? ?f the King sleeps on a king mattress and the Queen sleeps on a queen mattress, where does the Prince sleep? On an heir mattress. ?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant. "Dad, who built the Suez Canal?" "Of course not, son. If you don't ask, you won't learn anything."? Thought Of The Day:??God's Apology “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” -- Anonymous ?Received from aJokeADay.com. ? Daily Thoughts ? "When you drink the water, remember the well.”?-- Chinese proverb ? "When I started counting my blessings; my whole life turned around.”?-- Willie Nelson ? "As we express our gratitude, may we never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”?-- John F. Kennedy ? ----- ? Parking Rules ? Rule No. 1: When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing. Rule No. 2: Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred. Rule No. 3: In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up halfway and stop on the line, taking both. Rule No. 4: As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him. Rule No. 5: Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his or her car. ? ----- ? Big Sale ? It was the day of the big Black Friday sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper, online and TV and radio about the incredile deals) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 5:30AM, the store’s opening time. ? A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit and then thrown to the end of the line again. ? As he got up the second time, he complained to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I’m not opening the store!” ? Received from Steve's Just for Grins ? ? Three Important Words ? At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?" ? I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'" ? Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right." ? Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth via GCFL ? ? Thought for the Day: ? "If absence makes the heart grow fonder," said a minister, "a lot of folks must love our church." ? ----- ? Brothers??? ? When I was ten years old, my ten-year old brother Scott and I were out playing in the snow. Suddenly I ran ? to the front door of the nearest??house and yelled to the startled neighbor.??"Mrs. Giacomo, Help! Give me a shovel, quick.??My brother is stuck in the snow up to his boot tops."??Mrs. Giacomo calmly asked, "Why doesn't he walk out?" ? My earnest reply, "Because??he's in head first." ? From Lowell D. Stryker ? ---- ? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? ? Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. ? If lawyers are disbanned and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted musicians denoted cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons, debarked and dry cleaners depressed???Just wondering. ? From Leanne ? ----- ? Mark: Which baseball team do you like best, the Red socks or the Nylons? ? Matt: The Red Socks. ? Mark: "But the nylons get more runs ? Received from Syman Says;?SYMANSAYS@... ? ? While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, “I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too.” ? Sent by Stan Hogshead via Sermon Fodder ? ? I saw a poor old lady slip and fall on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. ? ----- ? My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my??girlfriend yet. ? Received from Blue Sky
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ? ? ? ? Quick Jokes ? THIS JUST IN: The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in actual house fires. ? ----- ? More proof that we do all sorts of things that we have no idea why we do: ? A young couple got married. When the wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Thanksgiving, she carefully cut off each end before placing it in the pan. ? Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know - it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her." ? She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I did the same." ? They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who explained, "Well, you see, in those days we didn't have much money and I only had a small pan. It was the only way I could get it to fit." ? Received from Laugh & Lift ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Your Meat Has A Mind Of It's Own |