开云体育

Connee wrote <snips>

What an awesome trip this has been! It's really gotten me in
touch with how my fear was leading, my sense that I would miss
something good, like love and approval, if I didn't follow the
traditional path.

And I was able to tell her how much I have always wanted to
please her and others, and have struggled in my decisions to go
my own way, certain that I would be disapproved of for doing it,
yet always feeling even more strongly that I have to follow my
internal guidance. So many times in my life, I have been torn
apart by my belief that I would not be loved for doing what I was
guided to do.

And she shared with me that, all this time, she has admired me
for my strength and my self knowing! In fact, now that I think
of it, she *has* told me in the past that she sees me as a role
model for being a powerful woman who is able to get what she
wants in her life. I just was never able to hear it as approval
or appreciation and take it into my heart, because I was holding
so tightly to a limiting belief that she would prefer that I be
conventional.

In fact, now that I am in this vibrational space of allowing her
approval, I remember how bewildered she was when I came home from
college crying, telling her that I needed to change the major
that she had advised me to sign up for. The same thing happened
when I decided to get divorced. I expected her to reject me, and
yet all she ever wanted was for me to be happy, and she was very
supportive. And I can see that as I have tried, and failed, for
47 years to live the life I thought she wanted me to live,
thinking her love conditional, all the while, she has just kept
wanting me to be happy, even when she didn't have a clue as to
why I wanted to do this or that, and loved me unconditionally
through it all.

What an incredible gift of grace, a healing for my life and my
heart! It has been my limiting beliefs all along that have kept
out the love that is always pouring out to me.

Thank you Connee for sharing that powerful piece of deconstruction
work/play.

A thought or two: You have apparently been gifted with a wonderful and
loving mother...yet somehow you got some kind of conditioning laid up in
ocean of mind about having to please her...or some mysterious
THEM...instead of yourself.

My take and experience is that this kind of conditioning is absolutely
ENDEMIC in women, and not a few men, too. So even tho it was never the
intention or the action of this primary caretaker of yours, somehow the
mass consciousness laid these tracks down...and finding em...and
deconstructing em...has become a part of the heroic journey for you.

I've no doubt that you're gonna get this tremendous WHOOOSH of pure
creative power now .

Very kewl. :o)

Love,

NetPaul

...whose working on some major deconstruction of his own...to be continued.

Hi, Paul,

I'd like to add a little info that I haven't mentioned lately, before you go
off too far on the path of my having had a perfectly loving human mother, so
all that was needed was for me to recognize it through the dark veil of my
cultural conditioning. I grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home, and
learned about victimization from my Mom who battered me as a child, as she had
been battered as a child. And then, when she started breaking blood vessels in
her hands from hitting me so hard, (I was about two) and she realized that she
might literally kill me before I would conform to her expectations, she turned
to what I later learned to call psychological abuse to control me. She
transcended her upbringing in a very powerful way that day. She always did the
very best she could, given her current vibration, to be loving to me. She
honestly believed that teaching me the rules of society was the most loving
gift she could give me. It was the highest thought she knew at the time.

What I got so powerfully today is that the unconditional love has always been
there, shining clearly inside what I have judged from later time to be abuse.
And I know now can learn to focus so clearly on the love that it is all I need
to remember in my relationship with her.

In my role as a teacher, I suspect that if people only hear what you seem to
have heard here, that my mom was always outstandingly loving, then it is easy
to dismiss my growth, because it seems it would be easy to feel the love if
you have a purely loving mother. She was quite human in her mistakes, but she
was *always* as loving as she could possibly be, given her upbringing. I
totally missed that part for many years, because I was so focused on
remembering the experiences of being hurt, with the assistance of a string of
very well meaning therapists. From now on, I can do the opposite. Totally
miss the hurt, because I am so focused on remembering the love.

I'm not saying that my Mom wasn't perfect from a spiritual perspective. She
absolutely was and is. She is an extraordinary woman. She raised another
child, my cousin's who died, for his first two years when she was in her 70s,
and she was and is perfectly loving to him. She transcended her upbringing
again in that one. I admire her tremendously. I am grateful that I am finally
learning to love her unconditionally myself.

My life is about learning to grow in love in my awareness of love and God in
all Its guises. I am grateful for your response, so I could make myself more
clear.

Love and hugs,

Connee

beautiful dharma Connee...thanks again. :o)

NetPaul

----------

From: Connee Chandler <connee@...>
To: abe <Abraham-Hicks@...>
Subject: Re: [Abraham-Hicks] Connee changes her mind
Date: Friday, July 09, 1999 1:24 PM

From: Connee Chandler <connee@...>

Hi, Paul,

I'd like to add a little info that I haven't mentioned lately, before you

go

off too far on the path of my having had a perfectly loving human mother,

so

all that was needed was for me to recognize it through the dark veil of

my

cultural conditioning. I grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home,

and

learned about victimization from my Mom who battered me as a child, as

she had

been battered as a child. And then, when she started breaking blood

vessels in

her hands from hitting me so hard, (I was about two) and she realized

that she

might literally kill me before I would conform to her expectations, she

turned

to what I later learned to call psychological abuse to control me. She
transcended her upbringing in a very powerful way that day. She always

did the

very best she could, given her current vibration, to be loving to me.

She

honestly believed that teaching me the rules of society was the most

loving

gift she could give me. It was the highest thought she knew at the time.

What I got so powerfully today is that the unconditional love has always

been

there, shining clearly inside what I have judged from later time to be

abuse.

And I know now can learn to focus so clearly on the love that it is all I

need

to remember in my relationship with her.

In my role as a teacher, I suspect that if people only hear what you seem

to

have heard here, that my mom was always outstandingly loving, then it is

easy

to dismiss my growth, because it seems it would be easy to feel the love

if

you have a purely loving mother. She was quite human in her mistakes,

but she

was *always* as loving as she could possibly be, given her upbringing. I
totally missed that part for many years, because I was so focused on
remembering the experiences of being hurt, with the assistance of a

string of

very well meaning therapists. From now on, I can do the opposite.

Totally

miss the hurt, because I am so focused on remembering the love.

I'm not saying that my Mom wasn't perfect from a spiritual perspective.

She

absolutely was and is. She is an extraordinary woman. She raised

another

child, my cousin's who died, for his first two years when she was in her

70s,

and she was and is perfectly loving to him. She transcended her

upbringing

again in that one. I admire her tremendously. I am grateful that I am

finally

learning to love her unconditionally myself.

My life is about learning to grow in love in my awareness of love and God

in

all Its guises. I am grateful for your response, so I could make myself

more

clear.

Love and hugs,

Connee


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