|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 88 – Matters of Opinion????????????????????????
?
Subjective questions about people are most difficult to answer:
?
?“Is he a talmid chacham?”? “Is she intelligent?”
?
Each of these terms is relative, for at what point does a student of Torah become a “talmid chacham,” and how does one measure intelligence? Lack of a definitive barometer is a problem with most character traits as well, making accurate evaluations in these
areas extremely difficult.
?
Furthermore, we have seen that one may not provide information that could prevent a match from materializing unless the information provides valid basis for this. How, then, does one correctly provide information when asked?
?
It is clear that it is unwise for a party to approach an acquaintance with a request for such information. In fact, the Chofetz Chaim says that such inquires warrant no response. However, one may bring such questions before a rav, rosh yeshiva, or seminary
dean, etc. who has the wisdom and experience to evaluate a situation properly and offer an appropriate response. Others who are approached with such questions may direct the person to the proper authority.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Best of All
?
Shimon his [Rabban Gamliel’s] son says: “All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I found nothing better for oneself than silence” (Avos?1:17).
?
R’ Shimon is, in effect, saying: “I was reared among the Sages and had the opportunity to glean from all their precious, sacred qualities. And of all those qualities, the art of silence is most outstanding.’’
?
Alternatively, R’ Shimon may have meant the following: The Sages were the wisest of men and surely did not engage in pointless conversation. Nevertheless, there was nothing, aside from speaking words of Torah, which they found more beneficial to themselves
than silence.
?
R’ Shimon was precise in saying: “and I found nothing better for oneself ...” Man’s corporeal existence in this world makes it virtually impossible for even the purest of souls to ensure that his every utterance is without flaw. This is why silence is so desirable.
?
If such was true of the generation of R’ Shimon, whose Sages were accustomed to speaking only words of true wisdom, then what of ourselves, whose minds are preoccupied with matters devoid of substance and meaning? If one’s mouth will not be restrained by the
harness of silence, then invariably it will speak in the way that it has been accustomed since one’s youth, and the loss will outweigh the gain many times over.
? |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships??????
?Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. Please call?845-352-3505?#113?or
email?lozeri@...?to sponsor or for more information on other sponsorship opportunities. |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 90 – Shidduchim and Other Relationships – A Summary
?
Returning now to our original three situations (Day 78), we may conclude that if one is aware of a negative factor that by objective standards renders the proposed relationship a mistake, he is obligated to speak up. However,
if by objective standards the factor does not lead to such a conclusion, but it may adversely affect the future of the people involved, one should not volunteer information about it, but one would have to respond truthfully when questioned specifically regarding
the topic under which that factor falls.
?
If by objective standards the factor would have no bearing on the relationship, but it is clear that the other party would see it as an issue, one should not volunteer information about it and should suggest that the relationship be pursued.
?
As a concluding note to this section, one must understand that the possible situations of constructive negative speech that could arise in the settings of family, friends, community, business, employment, education, etc. are endless. No book can possibly give
explicit instructions for dealing with them all. One’s only recourse is to become fluent in the principles, develop an understanding of the concepts, and accustom himself to consulting a rav, so that he can meet the challenges that such situations bring with
them.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Protective Fence
?
“The best medicine of all is silence” (Megillah 18a). “A protective fence for wisdom is silence” (Avos?3:17).
Silence is good for the wise, and surely for the unwise. One should guard his tongue like the apple of his eye, for one’s mouth can be the source of his ruination and the movements of his lips can endanger his soul. Thus it is written, “One who guards his
mouth and tongue guards his soul from tribulations” (Mishlei?21:23).
?
Better to be told, “Speak! Why are you so quiet?’’ than for others to find one’s prattling burdensome and ask that he be silent.
?
Scripture states: “From that which lies within your bosom [i.e. your soul], guard the portals of your mouth” (Michah 7:5). The use of the term portals in reference to the mouth is instructive. An entrance to a house must be opened when necessary, but it cannot
be left open all day and all night; to do so would mean to leave the house open to thieves. Similarly, one cannot allow his mouth to be open indiscriminately.
?
A person’s most prized possessions are usually kept in a special vault, hidden away in an inner room and carefully guarded. As man’s most prized function, the power of speech must be guarded with great care, and its greatest protection is the quality of silence. |
|
|
|
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 91 – When Listening is Lowly
?
Not only is speaking loshon hora a lowly act not befitting the divine image in which man was created, but to listen as someone else speaks loshson hora is lowly as well. The Torah states, Do not accept a false report (Shemos 23:1).
The Chofetz Chaim is apparently of the opinion that merely paying attention to loshon hora being spoken constitutes giving it some degree of credence, and is in violation of this prohibition.
?
Just as it is wrong to select the shortcomings of others as subject matter for one’s own speech, so too it is wrong for one to focus his attention on negativity being expressed by others.
?
Just as it is wrong to cause harm to others by way of speech, so too it is wrong to serve as a listener as potentially harmful information is being conveyed.
?
In short, derogatory or harmful speech should never earn one’s attention. Listening to loshon hora, even if one does not believe it, is in violation of Torah prohibition.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
The Need to Talk
?
People who find themselves inclined towards melancholy feel a need to speak freely to others and are, understandably, afraid to focus themselves on developing the quality of silence. Should this be the case, one should at least accustom himself to not speak
about others, whoever they might be; his friendly conversations should focus on matters of interest, and not on people of interest. When he does find it necessary to discuss others, he should be as brief as possible.
?
I have heard it said regarding the great Torah genius, Rabbi Raphael of Hamburg, that he resigned his post as rabbi four years prior to his passing. From that time and on, he would ask of those who visited him that as long as they were within the confines of
his home, they should not speak about other people. I have also heard regarding another leader of his generation that he was exceedingly careful never to discuss others.1
?
Certainly one must be careful not to discuss a storekeeper with his competitor, nor a craftsman with other members of his craft. Such conversations often lead to loshon hora, especially when the storekeepers or craftsmen are known to bear ill will toward one
another.
?
This restriction applies not only to singing the storekeeper’s praises, regarding which our Sages warned: “One should never speak the praises of his fellow [excessively], for praise will inevitably lead to criticism” (Arachin 16a).2 One should refrain entirely
from discussing an individual with that person’s competitor, for the listener will quite possibly steer the conversation in a direction that will allow him to vent his negative feelings. If one finds it absolutely necessary to engage in such discussion for
some constructive purpose, he should keep the conversation as brief as possible; otherwise, it will inevitably lead to loshon hora.
?
?
1. Toward the end of his life, the Chofetz Chaim was visited by someone who broached the subject of a dispute in his home town. The Chofetz Chaim interrupted him, “For years, I have avoided the sin of loshon hora. Do you wish that I now be caught in its web?’’
?
2. When one praises another excessively, it is inevitable that the speaker or someone else present will point out one or more of the subject’s faults (Rashi ad loc.). See Sefer Chofetz Chaim Part I, ch. 9. |
|
|
Keep reading Day 192, the second lesson for today
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 92 – The Speakers Accomplice
?
In addition to violating the prohibition against listening to?loshon hora, every listener of?loshon hora?is, in effect, making it possible for the speaker to relate his forbidden words, and therefore is an accomplice
in his sin.
?
In the case of a lone listener, the prohibition?before a blind person do not place a stumbling block (Vayikra?19:14)?would
surely apply, for included in this verse is a prohibition against causing another Jew to sin. We will see that in certain instances listening to?Loshon Hora?is forbidden not because of the primary prohibition but because of the prohibition against
causing another Jew to sin.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Non-Kosher Conversation
?
If one begins speaking with Reuven concerning Shimon and in the course of conversation becomes aware that Reuven bears Shimon ill will, he should either bring the conversation to an end or divert it to some other subject. Similarly, if one begins to speak and
suddenly realizes that his own words are leading toward?loshon hora, he should muster his spiritual strength and abruptly change the subject — in the same way that he would spit out the food he was chewing were he to become aware that it was non-kosher.
If this will cause him discomfort or embarrassment, he should bear in mind the Sages’ words: ”Better to be considered a fool all one’s days [in this world], and not be considered wicked even for a moment before the Omnipresent” (Mishnah Ediyos?5:6).
?
As already mentioned, the restriction against discussing an individual with that person’s adversary applies only when one feels himself unqualified to make peace between the two. However, when one can play the role of peacemaker, it is a?mitzvah?to
listen to each party’s grievances in order to settle their feud.
?
???????????????????????
? |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships??????
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. Please call?845-352-3505?#113?or
email?lozeri@...?to sponsor or for more information on other sponsorship opportunities. |
|
|
