>>>>>In calmer moments, he has explained that when I suggest something...even if he has never ventured his ideas on the subject...he gets upset because now he wants to do what I want, to bring me happiness,? but it is not how he wants yo do it. <<<<<
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>>>>>This can be something innocuous, such as which order we are going to do errands. Most every tine, I gladly go the way he wants. The problem is when I express an independent idea,? again wherein he has not expressed a suggestion, he gets very upset and says very cruel things. I would like to find a way to not get so hurt. I have worked on it but failed miserably.<<<<<
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It sounds like you don't see it as reasonable, that he is frustrated by that situation. But he's telling you that when he hears your ideas he can't do his ideas anymore. He might not even be able to hear or figure out his own ideas. You're (unintentionally) messing up his process. He really *wants* to try his ideas, and that's important, developmentally, in learning, in life. So he's frustrated.?
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So maybe try not to make suggestions, as much as possible. Or maybe there's something else a few steps back that you haven't noticed yet.?
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>>>>> he gets very upset and says very cruel things. I would like to find a way to not get so hurt. I have worked on it but failed miserably.<<<<<
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I guess I'd be wondering why it's so cruel. Maybe he's emotionally intense at those times and doesn't really mean it, but then it probably wouldn't hurt so much, I think. Or maybe he does mean it, or there's other things going on that are bothering him. Or maybe it's not that cruel but it's affecting you a lot because of some other reason.?
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>>>> failed miserably<<<<<
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I think that's a phrase in your head from something else, maybe.?
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