***he gets upset because now he wants to do what I want, to bring me happiness,? but it is not how he wants yo do it.***
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?***I would like to find a way to not get so hurt. I have worked on it but failed miserably.***
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It seems like perhaps he feels defensive because, for him, there might be a difficult choice for him to make between making you happy and satisfying his own needs.??
Maybe he hasn't "expressed a suggestion" as you have written, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have an opinion.? Ask him.? Let him know that his opinion matters to you even when he hasn't offered it.? Seek it out.? Intuit it when you can.? ? ??
Our son *always* wanted to be first.? First to the front door of the house.? First in a store.? First in the car.? First on an elevator.? First to use a new tool.? First to be served dinner.? If he wasn't first, he was a little impatient and cranky.? Not with others so much, but with me.? I gave him that position as often as I (reasonably) could.? I knew that it was in my power to do so, and I could tell that it was important to him.? I thought of it as a gift.? He never told me, explicitly, that he wanted to be first.? I knew it by watching him, playing with him, talking with him, walking with him, listening to him, getting to know him well.? It wasn't about entitlement.? It was about being seen.
I assumed that eventually he'd get filled up on being first.? He did.? I remember the day that he stood back and gestured to me to go first into the car.? I simply smiled and said, "Thanks."? Now he often stands aside and lets other go before him.? Sometimes he still likes to lead the way.?
Karen
Karen James