?
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he?
noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American?
Women Want." He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing?
through the pages. His wife was a little pissed. "Hey, what do you think?
you're doing?" He calmly replied,?
"I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
?
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance?
to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an
examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally,?
she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, 'Please help me!'?
'Sorry,' he replied, 'it's not my table.' ?
?
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,?
and she's in tears. He says, ''So what's bothering you, dear?'' She says, '
'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.''?
The priest says, ''Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any?
last requests?'' She says, ''That he did, Father... ''The priest says,?
''What did he ask, Mary?'' She says, ''He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun...''. ?
?
Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster.?
When a young man stepped out the door, a group of officers pounced, cuffing?
him and hustling him into a squad car. Seeing my astonished frozen expression,?
one cop came over and said, "When they say the movie is due by noon?
the next day... they mean it!" ?
?
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the?
dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a?
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"?
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"?
?
