THE POSTMAN
So, are you in the Christmas spirit?
Bah humbug.!! Not that I am a grinch,
but you know, the older you get, the?
less holiday spirit seems to infuse
you. Ever notice that? The war department
said the other day, "the grand kids are
coming over, we should put up the Christ
mas tree." I said, "Why? let them do it."
Somehow I get the feeling that was not the
response that she was expecting or appreciated.
So for me its kindof like this, unless you are
chocolate, coffee, alcohol, or bacon, then
oh, and cannabis...well then, oh, or porn...
well you know, you can just go away.
ENJOY THE JOKES
?
"Can you tell me where I will find the book 'Man, the Superior Sex?'?
The man asked the saleswoman.?
"Sure, it's upstairs in the science fiction department."?
?
Two geeks are sitting on a beach on a warm summer day watching a?
water skiier when suddenly the skiier falls and is under the water for
quite some time. ?"Hey we have to get that guy out before he drowns" one of?
them says. So the geeks both jump in the water and start frantically searching.?
Finally they find a limp body and swim it to shore. ?"This guy has swallowed water.?
We have to give him CPR". So one of the geeks starts giving him CPR. After a couple?
of minutes he looks up to the second geek and says "wow, this guy has bad breath!?
I can't continue this." ?So the other geek says "well get out of the way then. I?
can't let him die." So the second geek starts CPR. A couple of minutes later he also?
stops and says "you are right, he sure does have bad breath". ?The first geek says?
"something is funny here. Wasn't the guy that we were watching water skiing"? "Ya"?
responds the other geek, "so how come this guy is wearing ice skates?" ?
???
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge?
in pill form.?A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks?
what kind of knowledge?pills are available. The pharmacist says, 'Here's a pill for?
English literature.'?The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new?
knowledge about English?
literature! 'What else do you have?' asks the student. 'Well, I have pills for art?
history, biology, and world history,' replies the pharmacist. The student asks for?
these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student?
asks, 'Do you have a pill for math?' The pharmacist says, 'Wait just a moment.' He?
goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the?
counter. 'I have to take that huge pill for math?' inquires the student. The pharmacist?
replied, 'Well, you know ... math always was a little hard to swallow.'?
??
A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor.....says,?
"Doc, I'm having problems hearing!" The Doctor says "Lets check this out." He looks?
into the man's ear with his flash light and says, "There's a foreign object in here."?
Takes his tweezers and pulls it out.......Doc says to the old man, "It's a suppository!!"?
The old man takes a look, asks the Doc, "Can I use your phone? Need to tell the wife?
that I know where I put that hearing aid!!"?
???
?
?This man went into a night-club and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by her self at?
the bar, he asked her to dance. ??She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. ?
?While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said "Your really smell terrific.?
What's that you have on?" ?
?The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. ?
?Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too.?
What is it that you have on?" ?
?"Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied. ?
?
?
?
?
human nature
?
this could be us
?
??
?that is not a Christmas tree!
??
?
?do what makes you happy
?
?
?which machine
?
?
awkward moment
?
?
safety first
?
a horrible noise
?
love what you have done
?
still waiting
?
