ENJOY THE JOKES!!!
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage?
bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill?
fell out onto the sidewalk.?Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said,?
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."?"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the?
little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for?
telling me, Officer."?"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all?
that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"?"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see,?
my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through?
a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off.?
Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now,?
I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.?
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of?
it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'?
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing .
"OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"?
"Not everybody pays."
A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man
there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the
cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again,
she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits
the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, ''I see she caught you at it, too.'' ?
?
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'
'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk. 'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
this evening'. 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk.
'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'?
?
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.?
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said.?
"I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"?
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment? her. Chicks love?
to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your hand."?
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.?
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked. ?
"I took your advice."?
"Didn't you compliment her?"?
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips,?
hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile I? started feeling her tits, and I?
told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."?
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.?
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got? her dress up and her?
panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment."?
"What did you say?"?
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."?
