Re: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE (FWD)
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And
who said the English were boring (yawn...)
?
?
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NOTICE OF REVOCATION
OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of
America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA
and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths
and other territories.? Except Utah, which she
does not
fancy.
Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you
who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders)
will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.? A
questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1.??
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look
up "aluminium".? Check the pronunciation guide.? You will be amazed
at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.? Generally, you
should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels.? Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication.? Look up
"interspersed".
2.??
There is no such thing as "US English".? We will let Microsoft know
on
your behalf.
3.?? You should learn to distinguish the
English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that
hard.
4.?? Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as the
good guys.
5.?? You should relearn
your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully
carrying out task 1.? We would not want you to get
confused and give
up half way through.
6.?? You should stop playing American
"football".? There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as
American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware
that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one
else plays "American" football.? You will no
longer be allowed to play
it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if
you played with the girls.? It is a difficult
game.? Those of you
brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to
American "football", but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty
seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
nancies).? We are
hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
by
2005.
7.?? You should declare war on Quebec and France,
using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde.? The 98.85% of you
who were not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count
yourselves lucky.? The Russians
have never been the bad guys.?
"Merde" is French for "shit".
8.?? July 4th is no longer a
public holiday.? November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only
in England.? It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9.??
All American cars are hereby banned.? They are crap and it is for
your
own good.? When we show you German cars, you will understand what
we mean.
10.? Please tell us who killed JFK.? It's been
driving us crazy.
???? Thank you for your
cooperation.
Oh, and I nearly forgot. You'll have to pay UK
prices for ham gear in future.
Bob, G8IYK
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