Daily Clean Jokes for April 11, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for April 11, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Rope gets tangled once more; what a pain. All the woman's attempts are in vain. ????????????So she tries not to cuss, ????????????Which would make a big fuss, And instead she exclaims, "Knot?again!" ? Lee, Conrad, Carol, Chris, Bill, Dick got it. ? Kirk Miller Don't settle for? the world as it is.? Work for?the world as it should be. ?? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? ?What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus? A cow that can milk itself,?juggle and text at the same time! -- Conrad Macina
? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liners:? ? ? Towels can't tell jokes.? They have a dry sense of humor. What did one toilet say to the other???You look flushed!________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Puns of the Day:? ? I work at a laundromat ...Sure it's loads of fun working there but I think it's run its cycle for me. I just hope it won't be a stain on my resume. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A Life Funny Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with her agent. During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take out life insurance on my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?" The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably 20 to life." >>>Today's Thot If the grass is greener on the other side, maybe there's more manure. ----- This one is arriving very, very late and without an excuse: APRIL FOOLS DAY FUNNIES Knock, knock! Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good April Fools' joke? I was going to tell a time-traveling joke for April Fools' Day, but you didn't like it. What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April 1st? On Thanksgiving, you're grateful and on April 1st, you're prankful. Why were the monkeys pranking each other? It was the first of Ape-ril! Wanna hear an April Fools' Day joke about paper? Never mind擁t's tearable. What would you name a research organization that was founded on April 1st? A Think Prank. What would you name a research organization that was founded on April 1st? A Think Prank. Why do hard-boiled eggs love April Fools'? They enjoy practical yolks. Why don't eggs tell April Fools' jokes? They'd crack each other up. I was going to tell you a pizza joke for April Fools' Day, but it was too cheesy. Knock knock. Who's there? Candice. Candice who? Candice April Fools' joke get any worse? >>>Today's Thot Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1? A: Because they've just finished a 31-day March! ?
Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. -----  Airport Play SetA friend's daughter received an adorable airport play set as a gift. Since some assembly - which was actually a lot of assembly - was required, her father spent much of the evening putting together the plane, control tower, runway, the little baggage chute, and arranging all the pieces into a teeny air hub. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ?"Why did you stop pedaling?" I shouted.? "I didn't stop," he said, wheezing. "I'm coasting." ? Received from Da Mouse Tracks. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Phantompooper said:
? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Canada's View ... On the Lighter Side? Sorry for the bad language at times, but they made a point and I thought you might like to see it.
?? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Two drums and a symbol fall off a building ... du dum kshhhh. ?----- As a man got older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting ...He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." "What I want you to do ... the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children then replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his .... Re-seeding heirline.? Received from Reddit Clean. ? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? I sat in my hair stylist's chair and said, “Make me look sexy!” ----- 1. You automatically double-knot everything you tie. ----- Thought Of The Day:??Like the Driveway at Disneyland “It was like the driveway at Disneyland but with way more automatic weapons.” --?Pedro Marti?n, Mexikid: A Graphic Memoir ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Lawyers get a lot of unjust criticism. I would remind you that it is not right to condemn a whole profession just because of 350,000 bad apples. ----- In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia. In 1900, a father smoked a pipe. In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school." In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles. In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes. In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand saw. In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle." In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses. In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table. In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then. In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention. In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late. In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building. In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated. ----- Flat Tire A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain. A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station. The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place." The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid." ----- There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This satisfied the old priest until he died a week some time later of old ripe age. About a week after the funeral, a?new priest arrived;?he visited the new mayor and seemed ever concerned. The priest said ," You have to do something with the?sidewalks in town. When people come into?church they keep talking about falling. " The mayor started to laugh realizing no one had told the new priest of the new code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest points a finger at him and says, "I don't know what you're laughing about; your wife has complained of falling three times." ---- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- The Smothers Brothers perform the song, They Call The Wind Maria, on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
By Michael Roizen, M.D.?
Around 20% to 25% of Americans are plagued by seasonal allergies. You're especially targeted if you live in one of the top five most challenging "seasonal allergy cities." Wichita, Kansas, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Greenville, South Carolina, Dallas, and Oklahoma City are at the top of the list for places that have higher-than-average pollen counts, high sales of over-the-counter allergy medicine, and fewer allergists. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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