Daily Clean Jokes and Comics for April 12, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for April 12, 2024? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Import taxes are being applied. Many people are dissatisfied. ????????????They are nervous and scared; ????????????Their stress levels have flared. It is obvious they're?tariff-ied. ? Carol, Lee, Jim, Chris, Conrad, Bill got it. Kirk Miller ?? -----? ? ? ? Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Trout's Injuries More Bad Luck: Mike Trout Crushed By Falling Piano ·Apr 3, 2025 · BabylonBee.com  ?? ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Kirk's Puns of the Day:? ? A neutrino walks into the bar and orders a scotch.??When the drink arrives, he takes one sip and collapses in a drunken stupor.??A neutron looks down on the neutrino disdainfully and says, "Lightweight!" ? A policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.??He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." ? In all fairness to the salesman, he didn't lie to me about the brakes.??He said, "You'll love this car.??There's no stopping it." ? Did you hear about the professional bowler who wanted to strike it rich in his spare time???He exp-laned that bowling was right up his alley. ? David Beckham, the famous English soccer player, was teaching his new son Romeo the finer points about soccer.??After a while, Romeo asked his dad what number he should have on his uniform when he starts playing for a team.??David replied, "Wear 4 out there, Romeo." ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A Mouse Funny Two mice are exploring a movie studio warehouse. One of them finds a bit of old celluloid and starts chewing. "What's that?" asks the other mouse. "Let me see..."? says the first. "Ah, yes. It's from 'Gone With the Wind.' " "Is it good?" asks the second. "Not so great," replies the first. "The book was better." [forwarded by Gretchen Patti] >>>Today's Thot What is in the middle of a jellyfish? Its jelly button. ----- Rather "Tardy" Wouldn't You Say? APRIL FOOLS' DAY GROANERS ... Say what?? That was almost two weeks ago ... Q: Wanna hear an April Fools' Day joke about paper? A: Never mind, it's tearable. Q: Did you hear the story about the guy who switched the labels on the pumps at the gas station? A: It was an April Fuels' joke. Q: What's the difference between Christmas and April 1? A: One's all about yule and the other is all about fools. Q: How do you start a tough conversation on April 1? A: "If I may speak prankly." Q: What did Elvis say on April 1? A: Prank you, prank you very much. Q: Why don't science teachers trust atoms? A: Because they make up everything. Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1? A: Because they've just finished a 31-day March! Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1? A: April Ghoul's Day! Q: What's the best day for monkey business? A: The first of Ape-ril! Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day? A: On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful! Q: What monster plays the most April Fools' Day jokes? A: Prankenstein! >>>Today's Thot Nothing is fool-proof because fools are so ingenious. ----- ? ?A "Composer" Funny SUNDAY COMPOSERS By Dr. Michael A. Halleen "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. . . . (Let us) use it in proportion to (our) faith." (Romans 12:6) Alexander Borodin was a nineteenth century Russian composer, a member of "The Mighty Handful," a group of that nation's five leading composers dedicated to producing a distinctly Russian music. His opera, Prince Igor, is thought by some to have been his most significant work. Borodin, however, always considered himself no more than a part-time musician—a "Sunday composer," as he called himself. His training and professional career were in organic chemistry. He worked as a researcher in that field, writing scholarly articles and delivering lectures in Russian universities and throughout Western Europe. But on weekends, as a hobby, he wrote string quartets and symphonic poems—and Prince Igor. It's that music that became his legacy to the world. Likewise . . . - Socrates was a stonemason who made a good honest, living. But he was a curious man, and in his off hours he asked questions and challenged people to think. Today he's remembered as the founder of Western philosophical thought. - Alexander Graham Bell was a teacher whose wife was nearly deaf, and at least in part as an effort to assist her to hear better, he invented the telephone. What started as weekend tinkering to solve a domestic communication problem revolutionized communication for all. - The Wright brothers built bicycles in Ohio, but when business was slow they fiddled around with the idea of flying. It was just a sideline. Then came that December day in Kitty Hawk, and the Wrights would forever be associated with flight. - Jimmy Carter was, in many ways, an undistinguished, garden-variety U.S.?president. Since leaving office, however, he has achieved greatness in still another career as an international diplomat and humanitarian. The gifts that lie within many are too great to be confined to a single avenue of expression. The interests that drive some spirits are too varied and rich to be satisfied with punching the same clock for forty years. And, for a certainty, the needs of the world go well beyond the contribution any of us can make to meet them in a mere eight hours per day. We need more "Sunday composers." Are there dreams still hidden in you? What are you doing this weekend? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? -? - Copyright 2009 Dr. Michael A. Halleen. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes. >>>Today's Thot You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
? Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Good morning crew,The wife has been itching to go on a road trip lately. I guess spending every single weekend going to one or two of the dozen bars and restaurants within a five mile radius of our house isn't entertaining enough for her. She wants a little excitement and variety. Like variety is the spice of anything. ----- "A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, 'You wanna say that to my face?'" -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your EyesWorking for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. ? Received from Clean Laffs. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ What do you call an extremely clingy alien? ----- Sharon: I tell you, Doctor, even though I’m dieting, I’m still gaining weight! ----- Thought Of The Day:??Always More Afraid “We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect.” -– Robert Jordan ----- I tried to type on my phone, “I’m a functional adult.” ----- The young boy was spending a Sunday afternoon with his grandpa. Looking at pictures of his grandpa in his military uniform, the boy asked, "Grandpa, did you ever kill anyone in the war?" ----- Thought Of The Day:??It's Not True “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” --??Marilyn Monroe ----- ? ? What did the cashew say to the peanuts at church?
----- Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. ----- Thought Of The Day:??If Dogs Could Talk “If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Get ready for the smooth sounds and questionable lyrics of The Five Neat Guys! In this greatest hits compilation, the neatly dressed kings of lounge take you on a musical journey with classics like 'Who Made the Egg Salad Sandwiches?', and 'I'm the Goof in the Classroom.' Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Humor in the News Trump Levies Tariffs On Australia's Heard Island ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |