Daily Clean Jokes for April 28, 2025
|
Daily Clean Jokes for April 28, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? The man's bottom of foot doesn't feel Very good. Pain he just can't conceal. ????????????To a doc he does go. ????????????I suppose that you know The podiatrist says?he'll?heal?heel. ? Erika, Jim, Lee, Conrad, Dick, Bill, Chris, Adam got it. ? Don't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be. ?? -----? ? ? ? ?? ? Kirk Miller ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? ? What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ...?mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain
? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liner:? ? ? My IQ test results came back. They were negative. You can always make Easter easier by replacing the "t" with and "i." ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Puns of the Day:? ? "Why didn't the Sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!" ----- Throwing trash on the street is litter-ly illegal.
? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ?The Resurrection? When I was young, I often visited my grandmother in Kennett, Missouri.? Every year Kennett high school joined with Carruthersville to put on a production of the resurrection. A girl from Carruthersville was chosen to play the part of the angel at the tomb.? It was time for her to say her part, "He is not here. He is risen."? She was so nervous that she forgot her line, but rather said, in her best southeast Missouri accent, "Uh, He ain't here. He done gone."? ? Received from Mikey¡¯s Funnies. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ?via GCFL. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Lunching at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation?between a mother and daughter about plans for a?wedding. The young woman protested that she was the one being married and should be allowed to make the?decisions. "After all, Mother," the bride-to-be said,?"you had your wedding 23 years ago."? "No, dear," came?the reply. "That was my mother's wedding." Received from Reader's Digest by L. C. Sah
? ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? Lunching at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation between a mother and daughter about plans for a wedding. The young woman protested that she was the?one being married and should be allowed to make the decisions. "After all, Mother," the bride-to-be said, "you had your wedding 23 years ago."? "No, dear," came the reply. "That was my mother's wedding." Submitted to Reader's Digest by L. C. Sah? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Deciding on a 2005 Diet Can't eat beef, Mad Cow ... Can't eat chicken ... Bird Flu Can't eat eggs ... Salmonella and they're too expensive Can't eat pork ... fears that bird flu will infect?piggies Can't eat fish ... heavy metals in the waters has?poisoned their meat Can't eat fruits and veggies ... insecticides and?herbicides ? Hmmmmmmmmm!! I believe that leaves Chocolate! Chocolate is a Vegetable Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar?BEETS. Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.??Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. **To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also?contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a?health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and?strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you?want. Remember - - - And again, dear friends, I ask you to remember that?"STRESSED" spelled backward is "DESSERTS"!?
? Received from Reddit Clean. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real father," she said, startling the whole family.
----- Sally: Hmmm... there was something else I had to buy, and I can¡¯t think of it. ----- Thought Of The Day: Reading In Dreams When was the last time you were reading a book or magazine in a dream? If you are like most people, you won¡¯t be able to recall. More than likely, it has never happened. While not impossible, it is highly unlikely. Why does it not happen? Reading is a function of the right side of the brain. Dreaming comes from the left side. When you are dreaming, the right side of your brain is at rest. ----- Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? ----- A waiter places a warm cup in front of the gentleman. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. ----- Thought Of The Day: Trapped By Dogma "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma ¨C which is living with the results of other people's thinking." -- Steve Jobs ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper. Saint Peter says, ¡°Well, Forrest, it¡¯s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we¡¯ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.¡± Forrest responds, ¡°It sure is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Sure hope the test ain¡¯t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.¡± Saint Peter goes on, ¡°Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ¡®T¡¯? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God¡¯s first name?¡± Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions. Saint Peter waves him up and asks, ¡°Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.¡± Forrest says, ¡°Well, the first one: how many days of the week begin with the letter ¡®T¡¯? Shucks, that one¡¯s easy; that¡¯d be Today and Tomorrow!¡± Saint Peter¡¯s eyes open wide and he exclaims, ¡°Forrest! That¡¯s not what I was thinking, but ¡ you do have a point, and I guess I didn¡¯t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.¡± ¡°How about the next one?¡± says Saint Peter. ¡°How many seconds in a year?¡± ¡°Now that one¡¯s harder,¡± says Forrest. ¡°But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be 12.¡± Astounded, Saint Peter says, ¡°Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven¡¯s name could you come up with 12 seconds in a year?¡± Forrest says, ¡°Shucks, there gotta be 12: January second, February second, March second ¡¡± ¡°Hold it,¡± interrupts Saint Peter. ¡°I see where you¡¯re going with it. I guess I see your point, though that wasn¡¯t quite what I had in mind. I¡¯ll give you credit for that one too. Let¡¯s go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God¡¯s first name?¡± Forest says, ¡°Well sure, I know God¡¯s first name. Everybody probably knows. It¡¯s Howard.¡± ¡°Howard?¡± asks Saint Peter. ¡°What makes you think it¡¯s ¡®Howard¡¯?¡± Forest answers, ¡°It¡¯s in the prayer.¡± ¡°The prayer?¡± asks Saint Peter. ¡°Which prayer?¡± ¡°The Lord¡¯s Prayer,¡± responds Forest. ¡°Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name ¡¡±
A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. -----
Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said. -----
How do fish go into business? ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com
-----
The boys are in for a little surprise on SCTV's episode of Out-Patient Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |