Daily Clean Jokes for March 26, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for March 26, 2025? ? ?? Kirk's Clean Limerick of the Day? ? ? Long term contracts the wait staff condemn. The café makes them sign, so mayhem ????????????They do hope to avoid ????????????And they won't be annoyed, 'Cause the waiters will not?dessert?them. ? Carol got it. ? Kirk MillerDon't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be. ?? -----? ? ? ? Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:?We could certainly slow the aging process down if it?had to work its way through Congress.?-- Will Rogers ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liner:? ? ?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's Puns? ? ?I know a woman who owned a taser; man was she stunning. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ?An Excuse Funny John goes to see his supervisor in the front office. ? Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Terry Pratchett QuotesWhen you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back. Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall the universe and reboot. It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works. I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. In the beginning, there was nothing--which exploded. Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order because it is better organized. He's out of his depth on a wet pavement. Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true. Two types of people laugh at the law: those who break it and those who make it. It is often said that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. This is, in fact, true--it's called living. Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. Adventure! People talk about the idea as if it were something worthwhile rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep, and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects into bits of you. There is always time for another last minute. Received from Wayne Onaka?via GCFL. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? ? ?“Look, a flock of cows!!” “Herd of cows,” “Yeah, I have; there’s a flock of them over there.”? ----- A priest, an imam, and a rabbit are donating blood. The rabbit says “I think I’m a typo” ? Received from Reddit Clean. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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----- Thought Of The Day:??Be So Good “Be so good they can’t ignore you. ” -- Steve Martin Received from aJokeADay.com. ?? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Best of the Mouse Tracks ? ?My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door. ? "Hey dad," announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?" ? "No." ? "Come on, dad. You have to meet them!" ? "Some other time. I'm busy." ? "Dad, you have to meet them now!" ? From the urgency in Billy's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there. ? "Where are they?" I asked. ? "Well, dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our football is in their living room!" ? Received from Da Mouse Tracks. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me back aboard, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off." "Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?" "Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we was boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off." "Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?" "A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously." Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook..." ----- A school teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He said, "Darn if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?" "Well, heck, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that darn thing, heck, you darn well better admit it!" Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!? ----- There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day ... ... and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked. Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?" No more problem.?
----- Murphy's Law ... The Tech Version * All great discoveries are made by mistake. * Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. * Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. * All's well that ends. * A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. ?* A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. * Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work. * After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done. ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Original Airdate: June 09, 1983 Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ By Michael Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet Oz, M.D. Did you know that nearly half of women ages 50 and older experience urine leakage occasionally and 51% of those 65 and older say they contend with urinary incontinence? Now, you may think childbirth, menopause and muscle weakness are to blame, and you may be right. But a new observational study of more than 1,000 women ages 47 to 55 reveals that dietary choices play a big part in urination problems. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |
