Daily Clean Jokes and Comics for November 24, 2024
Kirk's Puns
When New York City sanitation workers went on strike in 1975, it reeked havoc.? ? ?? ? When an optometrist does his tax return, does he item eyes? ? When the nearby property became a landfill, they ended up down in the dumps. ? He was called the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.??He always told patients the whole tooth.??A lawyer asked the dentist to give him a retainer, while a manicurist fought with the dentist tooth and nail.??Usually, it is the same grind, day after day.??Be kind to your dentist, because he has fillings, too.
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Kirk's Limerick
A ghost's favorite game to pursue With some children's the same one that you ????????????Used to play long ago. ????????????Almost all babies know And enjoy when they play?peek-a-BOO! ? Bill, Conrad, Jim, Carrol, Chris, and Erika got it.
Kirk Miller
Don't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be.
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Short Jokes That Are Funny
1. What do kids play when their mom is using the phone? Bored games.
2. What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe!
3. Why are snails slow? Because they¡¯re carrying a house on their back.
4. What¡¯s the smartest insect? A spelling bee!
5.? What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat?? Thunderwear
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A Faking Funny
Having looked the other way for weeks, the boss finally called Smith into his office for a sit-down.
"You know, Smith," he said, "I've noticed that every time you have to take your dear old aunt to her doctor's appointments, there's a home game over at the stadium."
"Wow, sir. I guess you're right," Smith answered. "I didn't realize it. You don't think she's faking it, do you?"
>>>Today's Thot
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Received from Mikey's Funnies.
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"Don't give up on your dreams."
"Really? You mean it?"
"Yeah, just keep sleeping." -----
The lion married off a child. Being the king of the jungle, he invited all the animals for the wedding.
On the very special night, a mouse walks up the lion and says, "Congratulations brother!"
The lion looks at the mouse and says, "Thanks, but since when am I your brother?"
The mouse replied, "Well, I was once a lion too, then I got married."
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Thought Of The Day:??Shoveling Dragon Dung ¡°Worthless. I don't need to be pouring tea, I need to be shoveling dragon dung.¡±
- Rosaria Munda, Furysong
Received from aJokeADay.
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My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student
I survived the Battle of Endor
Palpatine, save me from your followers
My other starship is an SSD
Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon
Jedi Master on board -- please fly carefully | -----
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."
I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
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Doris.
Doris, who?
Doris locked, that's why I had to knock!
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More Things I'd Like to Hear, Just once From a store clerk: "The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper."
"I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers."
"We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer."
-- From my doctor: "Of course I'll come by your house to check on you." "Give me a call at home over the weekend if you're not feeling better." "Sure, come on by this afternoon, we'll work you in." "I'll call ahead and let them know the most you will pay for that test." "Here, take these samples." "Don't worry about it, there's no charge for that." "I recommend you get a second opinion."
Two friends (Andrew Dismukes, Devon Walker) try to connect with their dads (Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson) by giving them a call. |
The First One!
Direct link:?
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DEAR ABBY: My husband's uncle died by suicide in his home six months ago. It was a shock to the entire family. Since the funeral, we have helped to settle his affairs, including cleaning out his home to get it ready for sale. My husband's cousin (the uncle's daughter) has had an understandably difficult time coming to terms with the loss of her father and has decided to purchase the house and reside there. She hasn't sought grief counseling and uses social media as a therapeutic outlet. Many in the family believe she's making a mistake spurred by grief. She wants to hold family gatherings and holiday celebrations there. Those of us who helped clean out the house do not want to go back there. The loss is still recent, and the memories of the scene are still fresh. How can we tell this cousin we are uncomfortable visiting the home without causing her more grief? We want to be supportive, but it's just too hard to walk back into the place where he ended his life. -- TRAUMATIZED IN MISSOURI DEAR TRAUMATIZED: Your husband's cousin is trying hard to deal with her grief, however ill-advised her method may be. Everyone has been supportive, but someone needs to speak honestly with her and let her know that what she is fantasizing about isn't going to happen. The person closest to her needs to speak frankly -- for the family -- about their reluctance to visit the house again. Once she knows, she may be less eager to buy her father's home. Yes, she could probably use some grief counseling, and it's available to families who have experienced the kind of trauma she has. A resource that could help is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (), but that poor, grieving woman has to be willing to ask for it.
DEAR ABBY: When I'm invited to a friend's house for dinner and asked to bring dessert, I always make something fresh and delicious for that evening. Lately, I'm noticing that several friends, when invited to my house or another friend's party, are bringing along half-eaten desserts from the previous evening's family dinner. I think this is rude. It's like they're saying, "You're not worth the effort." Is this a new trend, or am I too sensitive? -- IRRITATED IN IDAHO DEAR IRRITATED: You're not too sensitive, and if this is a new trend, I haven't heard of it. Many hosts serve fresh food to their guests and are careful about how it is presented. By that I mean, it is not half-consumed and doesn't look like leftovers. If the "several friends" who do this don't have time to prepare something to bring, they should buy something and bring it whole. |
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