开云体育

One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan's upset because he couldn't complete his math homework," his mother explained.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Apparently," she said, "our computer doesn't have Roman numerals."

Received from Steve Sanderson.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”

She said, "Ammonia cleaner."

I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

-----

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken."

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building.

"What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"

-----

Thought Of The Day:??If We Knew

“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”

- Albert Einstein

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

-----

It was the interval at the Opera when Mrs. Sternberg rose from her seat and called: "Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?!"

A man in a tuxedo pushed his way towards her. "I'm a doctor" he said.

"Oh, doctor," she said, "Have I got just the loveliest daughter for you ...."

-----

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"

6. Family coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling?

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ..

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

-----

Home Economics for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop.

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral.

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!

6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.

7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In.

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink.

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill.

15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts.?

16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves.

17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means.

19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's.

20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category.

21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh.

23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet.

24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed.

25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!

26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty.

27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them

28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime.

29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It.

-----

More Jokes from ArcaMax.com

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________