X SDA-On Returning to My Roots

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What is it that draws me back, that entices me to revisit anti-Adventist web pages? Why do I feel this compulsion to read and reread the quirks and foibles of those early pioneers, those sincere, but oh so mistaken ones? Why do I need to read of the failed “Shut Door Theory,” The myriad other failed “prophecies” of Ellen White, the greed of GC presidents, their desire for power? Why do I rejoice at the scandals listed on these web pages? Especially, why do I revisit writings by other ex-Adventists recounting their journeys out of the denomination?

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I binged on these topics last Sunday, for the entire day and a bit of Monday, too. Today, Tuesday, I feel as if I have a hangover or withdrawals. I’m so full of Adventist history and errors, it’s leaking out through my ears—and my mouth. I assault my tolerant wife, still an SDA, with all the ancient dirt. She humors me, but for only so long before she asks, “Why are you reading this stuff? You’ve already made up your mind, why read about it again?”

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She’s right, of course. What does it profit me? Not a thing, not a single thing. I’m never going back, the grass is too green on this side of the fence, the water is too sweet to return to the brackish waterhole of my past.

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So, again, I ask myself, “Why?”

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My answer lies too far buried in my psyche to dredge it to the surface. Knowing this, I still know that I will, once again, in a few months, spend long hours revisiting that which, by now, should be very faint in my rear-view mirror.

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