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Today I got a mailing from onelist; this is a test to see if I can get
one in.
Have been working thru Connie's lessons. I found pivoting very effective
for getting at the basis of any unwanted emotion.
Today I worked with 'inclusion-exclusion' and I found I have a strong
resistance on 'living alone' even although I have had 13 years practise!
If anything it seems somewhat worse than 'being alone' which is from the
same stable!
In being alone, one can fantaise, meditate, get onto the billion
surprises waiting for me on the Net or just shower and go sleep.
But living alone is something continueous, the background music of
wasting life; where one goes to the shop and buys something unwanted, just
to speak to a human being.
Cooking and cleaning etc., seem so pointless and not worth bothering
with, when one is deep into resisting 'living alone'
To counter writing this, I just brought to mind one of the happiest
moments of my life, when I was in Hong Kong, being swept along by a crowd
of over a million people.
Well the point of this mail is that I do not know which process to apply
to this resistance.
I don't think I could appreciate it but I could try loving it, as some
have loved their extra tissue or their spiders.
There is a process called, 'Book of positive aspects', I haven't seen
that but I already know one positive aspect, "This also passes."
Eric.

I lived alone for seven years before I had a long term relationship, and I've
lived alone for the eight years since it's ended.

Know what? When you live alone, you have to get to know and like yourself
REALLY well, no choice. Scary, mucky stuff comes up and demands your
attention, and unless you constantly distract yourself with work or a whirl
of a social life, you have to face it, because there's no one else there to
take your attention away from it.

In the seven year stretch before I had the relationship, I did the social
life/work dance, never gave myself a moment's peace. I hated living alone, I
wanted a relationship, and I pretty much put life on hold until I got one;
very depressing. The relationship I attracted with that mindset was a doozy,
and taught me lots of lessons, not the least of which was that I had to be
completely comfortable with myself, in my own skin, before I'd venture into
relationship territory again, and living alone allows me to commune with
myself every day and do just that.

My days are my own. :-) I cook healthy, nutritious food I love without a
thought to someone else's preferences and work in a profession I love, also
from home. I get up when I want to, go to sleep when I want to, care for my
lovable, unconditionally loving cats every day, keep my own schedule, and
putter, dream and read.

When I started this second journey alone, I, too, hoped that it was something
that would "pass". But now, I look at it differently. It isn't something
undesirable that's going to "pass", like a disease or a cold I hope I'll get
over so that I can be well again. I AM well. I have a wonderful life, and
it's my job to recognize that. If a relationship should come along again at
some point, that's wonderful, but not necessary. The biggest tool I used to
work my way through this was journal writing. First I had to be completely
honest with myself that I didn't like living alone, and not pretend that I
did. Then I had to figure out why I didn't like living alone, and the most
basic reason was that I just didn't like my own company, period, not to
mention the societal messages we get that it's somehow "wrong" to live alone.
Then I had to figure out why I didn't like myself, and begin to change the
things that felt inauthentic and start living with truth and honesty.

Anyway, for me it's been a process to work through the resistance, and it
gets better every day. These days I fully embrace my solitude and
independence. It's a wonderful way to live. :-)

Kimmer