Hi, Kim and Paul,
What powerful stuff! Thanks for sharing about your experience with living
alone and having all the murky stuff come up, Kimmer! I agree with you, Paul,
about awareness being a transformative goal.
My most powerful transformation came out of a time when I was living alone,
right after my husband, Cliff, made his transition. I was 43. I had lost it
after he died, and gotten badly injured, and so I was in a wheelchair for about
three months. Couldn't drive at all, couldn't walk without incredible pain.
So I sat on my sofa. Mostly alone. With myself.
I got to hear the self pity of my thoughts REALLY loudly. (Thanks for bringing
this out in your bereavement article, Eric!) What other people were calling
grieving and congratulating me for doing my work in, I could now hear was
mostly just whining. "I used to be loved, but now I'm not." "Oh, woe is me,
what will become of me?" "Why me?"
The funny part was that I had had at least two major opportunities prior to
that to listen to and shift my thinking that I had ignored. And so the
circumstances, as Abe says, had gotten bigger. First, I sprained my ankle
badly and needed crutches for awhile. Then I broke my foot in three places and
was on crutches for a couple of months. But did I let it slow me down to
reflect on things that maybe were out of alignment in my life and find ways to
bring greater harmony? No, in fact, the day after I broke my foot, against
doctor's orders, I went into work and taught an Internet class with my foot
propped up above my heart with ice packs. After all, there were people flying
in from Seattle and Houston, and their trip would be for naught if I didn't
teach my class! During that time, I crawled (literally) onto commuter
airplanes with no gates, because the stairs were too narrow for my crutches. I
cried the day I got to Lincoln, NE, and discovered there were 27 steps up from
the street to my room in the B&B. (All the hotels with handicapped access
were booked full because of a roller skating convention!) Then when I finally
got up there, there was neither a phone or a TV, and I was going to be there,
teaching classes every day for a week. I couldn't even call my huband to
whine! <grin> But did I sit and think about my life a bit? No, I read, again
literally, 14 murder mysteries that week to keep my mind off my troubles!
So, later on, with the help of severe frostbite, I had the opportunity to sit
with myself for three months. The pain killers kept me from watching TV or
reading, because I couldn't concentrate on the stories, so there were no
distractions. I had no pets at that time.
It was awesome, what came of it. I really started to noticed my thoughts, and
began to make other choices that were more appealing. I was exposed to two
women who had lost mates (through divorce) who were reliving the loss daily, 11
and 17 years after the event. It was not attractive! They were my most
powerful teachers. Self pity is ugly and self destructive. No one wanted to
be with either of these women. I began to play "what do I like about this"
even though I had not been exposed to Abe yet.
The result? I learned to appreciate. That was the period when, on the worst
day, the only thing I could find to appreciate was the way purple and turquoise
complimented each other on my bedspread. But it was enough to raise my
vibration just a little, and move me to a new place where Law of attraction
could bring more things to appreciate into my life.
Ultimately, through that experience, I learned to set my tone at a high enough
level that the thoughts in my head were more loving, grateful, joyful and
comforting! In, fact, they were so wonderful that I began to see being alone
as a great gift. And so now, even though I have the loving companionship of
David and Dusty ^..^ and Rosie ^..^ all the time, I seek out time by myself, to
bask in the beauty of my visions and thoughts.
Living alone and being trapped in the house for awhile was a great gift to me.
It changed my life.
Love and cyberhugs,
Connee
