"Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there." ~ Rumi
I am wondering today about what makes an evil person turn good, what makes
a good person turn evil, and if we are "supposed" to be beyond judgements,
then should the distinction even be relevant? What could make Annakin
Skywalker turn into Darth Vader? Does he regret his loss of innocence?
Does he think his side is the good side? Does he feel any better or worse
than those on the light side? These were questions I remember asking my
mother when the first Star Wars movies came out...when I was very young.
If Abe says that there is nothing more important than feeling good, was
Darth Vader just as right as the others who pushed against him? Could
Darth Vader even feel better than those who fought him because he was
comfortable with who he was? Annakin was sent to balance the force. Is it
necessary to have an equal balance of good and evil until we can all accept
that neither one is better than the other and stop pushing? Seth I believe
said that we create our heros and villains, they are a concensus creation
of whatever we need at the time.
Vilik was talking about how she constantly goes around in her mind about if
someone likes her or not, or if she just made a fool of herself...stuff I'm
sure we all do, or have done at times. Now, her mantra is "I don't care."
Recently I had been pushing against someone who classified me as harsh.
Actually all of a sudden it seemed, people all around me were calling me
harsh, in one form or another. This seemed very odd to me since I would
call myself the opposite. I tried to reason with the person that it must
be themselves they were reflecting when they saw harshness in me, but it
only came back ten times stronger. Finally I just said, fine, I'm harsh,
why should it bother me? It's just another word. It wasn't even that I
kept the classification at arms length and thought that it was only the
other person's opinion of me, not necessarily True or False. I wholly
accepted the label and moved on. Just like Vilik's "I don't care." The
trick now is to not define myself by what someone has classified me...not
to act harsh just because I've accepted that I am. Hmmm, I'm probably
being very confusing right now.
The distinction between good and evil hasn't troubled me much since
naturally I'm drawn to those things that society classifies as good. Yet,
can I be a whole person that way? Am I secretly still seeking outside
approval, like Connee who was always seeking to please her abusive mother?
Am I still pushing against things that are evil?
I realize that there are a bunch of random questions here but if anybody
has strong thoughts or feelings on what I just wrote, please respond! If
you could PEM me a copy as well that would be appreciated since I'm on
digest.
Love, hate, light and darkness,
Stormy
P.S. A note on creation for Vilik and those who wanted some examples, I
just had some great manifesting happen. My backyard has been a mound of
weeds for three years now and I sat and dreamed for a couple years about
how I would like to redo the area. I wanted it fenced in with lattice so I
could still see the horses outside but the goat couldn't eat my plants, a
deck, raised planter beds, a rock garden, maybe a pond with a waterfall....
But it all just lived in the dream realm because I never had an extra
thousand for materials and all the time to do this project. A couple
months ago my boss (who owns the land) was planning on doing more
landscaping at the place, they were going to put a lawn in my yard. I told
her that I had my yard all planned out. That day, I drew up plans of just
what I wanted and showed them to her. She liked my ideas and within three
days, our awesome landscapers had the gorgeous lattice fencing in, three
raised planters, and a deck (all in redwood) installed. All at no cost or
labor for me!!! I'm still dreaming about the rock garden and pond...I may
just do these steps myself. I'm also going to take a furniture building
class and build a glider bench to sit on. I've found that the more work I
do on the land, the more it feels like part of me. It was incredible
though just sitting on the deck when it was first built. The whole thing
just feels like part of me. And so it is.
