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Clean Talk Scenario - looking for support

 

Hello Ladies. ?

I have a current scenario with my rental and landlord.? I experience lots of anxiety whenever there is conflict between people I care about / respect. ?(And I respect my landlord) I wrote up clean talk options in the categories that Gretchen presented. ?(Thank you!). I would value input as to if I am using Clean talk correctly, are there places I could improve the language, have more clarity, etc.?

I plan to write Carole (landlord) tomorrow or Monday so that I state my data, thoughts, emotions, requests before the conflict changes from her sending me verbal text messages to her taking an action.

You can find my brainstorm below in writing.? In addition I have attached a document with the same brainstorm.? If you have suggestions, feel free to respond or write on the document.? (Although it is pdf as I don't have word)

Thank you so much for the support so I can improve my communication skills!

BRAINSTORM


Data


  1. 2 days ago, when you asked to remove the double bed for the new massage room rental and replace it with a single bed¡­.


Assessment


  1. My assessment is that the double bed is part of this rental.?


Emotional Impact


  1. I feel afraid because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??

  2. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??

  3. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the versatility of how raise our toddler.

  4. I feel angry? because changing the double bed for a single effects our family.

  5. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the ease and flow of our family routines.

  6. I feel angry as because changing the double bed for a single alters? our easeful family routines.

  7. I feel angry as that bed bring me a lot of joy.?

  8. I feel angry as I use that bed often with Alaric

  9. I feel angry as everyone in this family uses that bed for ease, joy, and versatility.

  10. I feel angry as that bed provides, joy, ease, and versatility to our family.


Notes

  • There are many reasons why I want that bed.? Do I state them all?

  • Remove word easeful?

  • Which word is better afraid / angry?? I feel both.? Or use both?

  • Is ¡°upset¡± a better word than ¡°angry¡±?

  • Should I use the word ¡°change¡± as opposed to ¡°effect¡±

  • The bed brings joy to our family and me specifically. I like looking at the stars with Alaric or out the window in the morning


Request


  1. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental for as long as we are the renters.

  2. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental until Alaric is completely sleeping independently.


Notes

  • Is ¡°expectation¡± better than ¡°request¡±?


Conclusion

  1. What do you think?

  2. Is that possible?



Other Potential Data

We rented this apartment starting in August and the double bed was here when we moved in.


I don¡¯t have a¡°rental agreement¡± as we made a verbal agreement on pricing once air bnb ¡°time¡± ended.? No signed lease.


?Policy says¡­. Airbnb.?




Clean Talk - Double Bed.pdf
Clean Talk - Double Bed.pdf

 

Hi Abigail, I am not super well versed in clean talk but it seems like you're getting the right idea.

I am thinking maybe when you are giving the reasons, you might say "it makes me afraid and angry for a number of reasons" and then start giving the reasons vs. repeating afraid and/or angry over and over?

Or possibly ranking all those and not saying all of them, but just your top five let's say? You could bring out others if it seems right in the moment.

Gretchen might say differently though. I think she is one of the most comfortable with clean talk.

Good luck!


Sent with secure email.

------- Original Message -------
On Saturday, April 9th, 2022 at 9:58 PM, Abigail J <ajeanh@...> wrote:

Hello Ladies.

I have a current scenario with my rental and landlord. I experience lots of anxiety whenever there is conflict between people I care about / respect. (And I respect my landlord) I wrote up clean talk options in the categories that Gretchen presented. (Thank you!). I would value input as to if I am using Clean talk correctly, are there places I could improve the language, have more clarity, etc.

I plan to write Carole (landlord) tomorrow or Monday so that I state my data, thoughts, emotions, requests before the conflict changes from her sending me verbal text messages to her taking an action.

You can find my brainstorm below in writing. In addition I have attached a document with the same brainstorm. If you have suggestions, feel free to respond or write on the document. (Although it is pdf as I don't have word)

Thank you so much for the support so I can improve my communication skills!

BRAINSTORM


Data


  1. 2 days ago, when you asked to remove the double bed for the new massage room rental and replace it with a single bed¡­.


Assessment


  1. My assessment is that the double bed is part of this rental.


Emotional Impact


  1. I feel afraid because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.

  2. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.

  3. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the versatility of how raise our toddler.

  4. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects our family.

  5. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the ease and flow of our family routines.

  6. I feel angry as because changing the double bed for a single alters our easeful family routines.

  7. I feel angry as that bed bring me a lot of joy.

  8. I feel angry as I use that bed often with Alaric

  9. I feel angry as everyone in this family uses that bed for ease, joy, and versatility.

  10. I feel angry as that bed provides, joy, ease, and versatility to our family.


Notes

  • There are many reasons why I want that bed. Do I state them all?

  • Remove word easeful?

  • Which word is better afraid / angry? I feel both. Or use both?

  • Is ¡°upset¡± a better word than ¡°angry¡±?

  • Should I use the word ¡°change¡± as opposed to ¡°effect¡±

  • The bed brings joy to our family and me specifically. I like looking at the stars with Alaric or out the window in the morning


Request


  1. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental for as long as we are the renters.

  2. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental until Alaric is completely sleeping independently.


Notes

  • Is ¡°expectation¡± better than ¡°request¡±?


Conclusion

  1. What do you think?

  2. Is that possible?



Other Potential Data

We rented this apartment starting in August and the double bed was here when we moved in.


I don¡¯t have a¡°rental agreement¡± as we made a verbal agreement on pricing once air bnb ¡°time¡± ended. No signed lease.


?Policy says¡­. Airbnb.?
 

Hey ladies.?

Gretchen wrote some amazing suggestions. She forgot to CC all. So here it is Incase any of you want an example.?

And... My landlord said "no need to worry" so I can keep the bed? I think so. Although I need to get clarity.?

Clean talk has been a great exercise. More please!!!!?

Data

?

  1. 2 days ago, when you asked to remove the double bed for the new massage room rental and replace it with a single bed¡­.

SUGGESTION:? Two days ago, you asked me to remove the double bed¡­ etc.? [don¡¯t need the word, ¡°when¡±]

?

Assessment

?

  1. My assessment is that the double bed is part of this rental.?

SUGGESTION:? I believed that the double bed was part of the rental, and because of that belief, I was happy it would stay with us for the duration of our time here.

[this holds the place as both an assessment and an emotion based on that assessment]

?

Emotional Impact

?

  1. I feel afraid because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??
  2. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??
  3. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the versatility of how raise our toddler.
  4. I feel angry? because changing the double bed for a single effects our family.
  5. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the ease and flow of our family routines.
  6. I feel angry as because changing the double bed for a single alters? our easeful family routines.
  7. I feel angry as that bed bring me a lot of joy.?
  8. I feel angry as I use that bed often with Alaric
  9. I feel angry as everyone in this family uses that bed for ease, joy, and versatility.
  10. I feel angry as that bed provides, joy, ease, and versatility to our family.

SUGGESTION:? ,???????????????????????????????????????????????

I have a few difficult feelings come up when I imagine that the double bed will be moved out and replaced with a single.? The double contributes to the ease of our nighttime routine with Alaric, and having it brings a lot of joy to our family.? I know it¡¯s just a bed, but with a toddler, the versatility of a Double bed has been extremely helpful.? Part of that is because it allows me connection time with him at night looking at the stars and looking out in the morning.? Admittedly, I feel kind of afraid, sad, and angry imagining it being replaced with a single.

[this softens the emotional impact based on the data of the bed moving out]

?

?

Notes

  • There are many reasons why I want that bed.? Do I state them all?? [usually no]
    • Remove word easeful?
    • Which word is better afraid / angry?? I feel both.? Or use both?
  • Is ¡°upset¡± a better word than ¡°angry¡±?? [generally ¡°upset¡± is a vague emotion word, but it can land softer than angry]
    • Should I use the word ¡°change¡± as opposed to ¡°effect¡±
    • The bed brings joy to our family and me specifically. I like looking at the stars with Alaric or out the window in the morning

?

Request

?

  1. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental for as long as we are the renters.
  2. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental until Alaric is completely sleeping independently.

SUGGESTION:? With all of this in mind, my request is that the double bed remain in the unit until Alaric is sleeping completely independently or until we move out.? I¡¯m open to discussing other options, but I¡¯d greatly appreciate if you¡¯d consider keeping the double bed with us.? Thoughts?

?

Here it is altogether:

Two days ago, you asked me to remove the double bed for the new massage room rental and replace it with a single bed in our rental.? I believed that the double bed was part of our rental, and because of that belief, I was happy it would stay with us for the duration of our time here.? I have a few difficult feelings come up when I imagine that it will be moved out and replaced with a single.? The double contributes to the ease of our nighttime routine with Alaric, and having it brings a lot of joy to our family.? I know it¡¯s just a bed, but with a toddler, the versatility of a Double bed has been extremely helpful.? Part of that is because it allows me connection time with him at night looking at the stars and looking out in the morning.? Admittedly, I feel kind of afraid, sad, and angry imagining it replaced with a single.? With all of this in mind, my request is that the double bed remain in the unit until Alaric is sleeping completely independently or until we move out.? I¡¯m open to discussing this, but I¡¯d greatly appreciate if you¡¯d consider keeping the double bed with us.? Thoughts?

?


On Sat, Apr 9, 2022, 8:58 PM Abigail Jean <ajeanh@...> wrote:
Hello Ladies. ?

I have a current scenario with my rental and landlord.? I experience lots of anxiety whenever there is conflict between people I care about / respect. ?(And I respect my landlord) I wrote up clean talk options in the categories that Gretchen presented. ?(Thank you!). I would value input as to if I am using Clean talk correctly, are there places I could improve the language, have more clarity, etc.?

I plan to write Carole (landlord) tomorrow or Monday so that I state my data, thoughts, emotions, requests before the conflict changes from her sending me verbal text messages to her taking an action.

You can find my brainstorm below in writing.? In addition I have attached a document with the same brainstorm.? If you have suggestions, feel free to respond or write on the document.? (Although it is pdf as I don't have word)

Thank you so much for the support so I can improve my communication skills!

BRAINSTORM


Data


  1. 2 days ago, when you asked to remove the double bed for the new massage room rental and replace it with a single bed¡­.


Assessment


  1. My assessment is that the double bed is part of this rental.?


Emotional Impact


  1. I feel afraid because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??

  2. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the our nighttime routine.??

  3. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the versatility of how raise our toddler.

  4. I feel angry? because changing the double bed for a single effects our family.

  5. I feel angry because changing the double bed for a single effects the ease and flow of our family routines.

  6. I feel angry as because changing the double bed for a single alters? our easeful family routines.

  7. I feel angry as that bed bring me a lot of joy.?

  8. I feel angry as I use that bed often with Alaric

  9. I feel angry as everyone in this family uses that bed for ease, joy, and versatility.

  10. I feel angry as that bed provides, joy, ease, and versatility to our family.


Notes

  • There are many reasons why I want that bed.? Do I state them all?

  • Remove word easeful?

  • Which word is better afraid / angry?? I feel both.? Or use both?

  • Is ¡°upset¡± a better word than ¡°angry¡±?

  • Should I use the word ¡°change¡± as opposed to ¡°effect¡±

  • The bed brings joy to our family and me specifically. I like looking at the stars with Alaric or out the window in the morning


Request


  1. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental for as long as we are the renters.

  2. My request is that the double bed remains in this rental until Alaric is completely sleeping independently.


Notes

  • Is ¡°expectation¡± better than ¡°request¡±?


Conclusion

  1. What do you think?

  2. Is that possible?



Other Potential Data

We rented this apartment starting in August and the double bed was here when we moved in.


I don¡¯t have a¡°rental agreement¡± as we made a verbal agreement on pricing once air bnb ¡°time¡± ended.? No signed lease.


?Policy says¡­. Airbnb.?

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