On Jul 8, 2022, at 12:40 PM, Noreen <wombcare@...> wrote:

?

Always open to your amazing coaching!!! And if you have plenty of peeps no worries.?

??

On Fri, Jul 8, 2022 at 11:30 AM Jill via <jnienhiser=[email protected]> wrote:

Hi Gretchen, good luck with this next step. I'd be happy to help as a volunteer only at the moment I have my hands full with my parents. Hope you are finding some people for this.

Sent with secure email.

------- Original Message -------

On Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 at 12:02 PM, Gretchen via <gretchenkainz=[email protected]> wrote:

Hey Sisters-

?

Now that I have my SW cert finally accomplished, I’m moving towards a more mainstream coaching certification.? It’s through the International Coaching Federation (ICF).? Getting that cert will ultimately lead to a credential that can open doors to higher-paying coaching gigs (like corporate-flavored contracts).? (And, mostly I’m doing it for my mental health.? I do better when I have a big picture goal.? It really helps my sense of purpose.)

?

Anyway- it is a performance-based certification, and part of that is to submit two recorded coaching sessions.

?

I’m reaching out in case if you or anyone you know might be interested in some coaching.? And I’m talking “regular” ol’ coaching… NOT nearly as deep as Shadow Work? flavored coaching.? The topics to bring could be a huge variety of things like:

• making plans,
• goal-setting,
• getting clarity on a situation at work or in a relationship,
• improving something in life/becoming more effective,
• gaining a skill,
• very task or project specific stuff (moving, organizing, configuring a garden, etc.),
• dealing w a conflict or overwhelm or busyness,
• exploring something like a new venture or a new career or a new training, etc….?
• It could also just be a place to sort through challenges or to think out loud and get some reflection without opinion.

?

The recording can only be 20-40 mins, so it would be a relatively low time commitment for the “coachee”.? ?Could be only one session or could be multiple sessions… depending on what the person is wanting to accomplish.

?

I’ve hired a mentor coach to support me through this process.? She’ll be giving me feedback on the recorded sessions as to if I’m meeting the “marks” to pass the certification.? She suggested that I do as many recordings as possible because one or two of them might be golden, and it’s better to have them recorded that miss ‘em.? By the way, we can confidentialize them by doing a different name (Jill could be Wendy, for example).

?

Finally, I’m offering this at no cost or on a donation-basis.? I benefit from the practice and having the recordings.?

?

Thank you for considering yourself or anyone you might know for this.

?

Love,

Gretchen

?

Yay!? Life Rewards Action!? High-five!

850-774-2236

she/her

?

--

Noreen Cerqua
Arvigo Practitioner

wombcare@...
508-397-8287

Dear Jill,

Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on how everyone is doing in your family. It sounds beautiful and sad having these moments with your Dad.

I imagine the lists and all the thoughts your Dad is having is another way to hold on. This is what we do as humans attach ourselves to things and stuff to do.

It is a confusing time with everyone’s emotions and trying to figure it all out with no road map.

Glad you get a reprieve staying at your aunts home and giving her the opportunity to help out by making you dinner.

May you have many moments of love and intimacy in caring for your Dad.

Lots of Love

Noreen

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 1:21 AM Jill via <jnienhiser=[email protected]> wrote:

One correction, near the beginning of this email. The edema in his legs IS an expected progression of the disease. There’s an extra “not” in there that shouldn’t be.

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 12:16 AM, jnienhiser <jnienhiser@...> wrote:

Had a good day Saturday with my family. My sister and I went to Lexington and picked up my parents. We took them to Blackburn, the tiny town where they grew up. We visited my grandparents farm, which is now my dad’s farm, and talked with the renter and my cousins. Then my dad wanted to drive around town slowly, looking at it for what he assumed would be the last time. He told us some stories as memories came up.

Today he wanted to go to church so we did that. I noticed when we were putting the compression stockings on him that he had some droplets on his skin and little tiny blood spots on the stockings. That was new. The edema in his legs is worsening, causing tiny capillaries to begin to burst. That is not an expected progression of this diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. The hospice nurse that I had come look at that told us that. It could’ve been worse today because of the big day that we had yesterday with him up for a long time not taking his regular naps. So it may calm down in the next day or two. Although it will certainly continue to progress eventually. My boss said that his dad had about eight weeks of edema in his legs at the end.

I decided to takeoff this coming week at work so that I can take advantage of my dad‘s mental clarity. He is getting a fentanyl patch every 72 hours. That’s new he just had the second one put on yesterday. It’s working very well to manage his pain. He saying his pain is only had a one or two whereas before he was saying five. And he was putting off starting the morphine because he figures that it will lead to loss of mental clarity. With the fentanyl is pairing to manage it for now very well while leaving him mentally clear, if a bit slow.

He is a bit agitated he keeps thinking of all these things he wants us to know and take care of. Today I went through all the financial accounts and got clear on what bills are paid automatically which we have to write checks for etc. Where are the different accounts are at Banks. As I take notes and ask him questions and get clear on those things it seems to take a load off his mind. He’s very worried about how my mom will fare without him. So I’m doing what I can to reassure him.

I told my sister the latest about the edema, and that she might want to look for some opportunities in the coming days to see him while he still has mental clarity. It may be that his body could start shutting down, or that we have to give more pain relief, and that he could get confused or become unconscious etc. I think that will happen I just don’t know how soon.

So she and her family and Dane are coming tomorrow to spend time with him. I’ll go over in the morning maybe cross a few more things off his to do list. In the hopes that we could maybe just enjoy the time together and relax when they get here. He has all these little things he wants me to know about the house, getting the gutters cleaned turning off the faucet in the winter outside, changing filters in the furnace etc. Wants to keep taking care of everything.

At the farm Saturday and church today he took every opportunity to tell each person how he appreciated them and love them and to say goodbye. So it’s very emotionally bitter sweet. He’s always been a reserved man, so it’s interesting to see this side of him. And how easily he is crying. It was not something I ever saw growing up.

For the most part I am not crying in his presence the way my sister very easily does. She hates that, she feels she should try to be strong. She’s worried that it upsets him and mom as well. I told her he knows that it’s because she loves him. And that I felt like perhaps people see me as coldhearted since I don’t cry. I’ve been telling her that I have been crying or choking up now and again in private. And when I told Dane about dad asking us to drive slowly through Blackburn so he could see it one last time, I started crying. Doing it again now telling you all.

My dad is running us pretty ragged. Mom has been dealing with it daily for a while, and I got good and worn out today. He said he thought he might want to watch TV when we got the hospital bed and set it up in the living room. But he doesn’t want to, he’s not interested. But his mind is going. So he thinks of all these things that he wants us to know, and he makes lists. And then he wants to tell us or ask us to check something, or fix some thing. As well as helping with the compression socks and getting dressed and keeping track of medication‘s and feeding him very small portions of food. It’s pretty endless all day long between his short naps.

My mother sister, my aunt, is letting me stay at her house to sleep. She’s always lived here in Lexington my whole life. We spent so much time here. So she’s kind of like my second mom. So that gives me a little respite time. It’s nice and calm and quiet here. Everything‘s orderly. At my parents house the dining room table in the kitchen island and the counters in the refrigerator are all covered with paperwork and mail and bills in the world in his notes and to do list about what to take care of. And medication‘s and medical supplies. It’s pretty chaotic.

I thought I would cook for myself but at least for the coming week I asked my aunt if she would make something for supper each night. I could have eggs for breakfast and scrounge a salad and some cheese at lunch but I want at least one substantial meal. And with all the clutter and such at my parents it’s difficult to cook right now. I felt perfectly fine asking her and she absolutely agreed and is glad to do it. I told my mom her sister was going to do that for me, and she got all weird. I said mom, I asked -my- aunt to cook supper for -me- and she said yes. I’m not quite sure what my mother’s reluctance to take my aunts help is all about. My aunt is six years older than my mother, she’s 86 now. And she is in good health, and a retired nurse. And she has repeatedly expressed desire to help, comes over and does help. She’s says, “I think I’m just in the way or it seems like they feel that way. So I try not to stay too long.” She is pretty bossy, and does like to do things her way. Maybe it’s nothing more than them being tired of that after all these years. I tend to think her way is the right way, so I’m kind of on her side. Lol. She has been going to the store for them, picking up things they need. So they let her do that.

Even though it is calm and quiet here., I didn’t sleep well last night and here it is 1215 I’m still not asleep. So I am relaying all this to you all. All via voice to text on my phone. So apologies for any typos, punctuation weirdnesses weird capitals etc. Thanks for listening. Love Jill

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

--

Noreen Cerqua
Arvigo Practitioner

wombcare@...
508-397-8287

Dear Jill,

Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on how everyone is doing in your family. It sounds beautiful and sad having these moments with your Dad.

I imagine the lists and all the thoughts your Dad is having is another way to hold on. This is what we do as humans attach ourselves to things and stuff to do.

It is a confusing time with everyone’s emotions and trying to figure it all out with no road map.

Glad you get a reprieve staying at your aunts home and giving her the opportunity to help out by making you dinner.

May you have many moments of love and intimacy in caring for your Dad.

Lots of Love

Noreen

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 1:21 AM Jill via <jnienhiser=[email protected]> wrote:

One correction, near the beginning of this email. The edema in his legs IS an expected progression of the disease. There’s an extra “not” in there that shouldn’t be.

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 12:16 AM, jnienhiser <jnienhiser@...> wrote:

Had a good day Saturday with my family. My sister and I went to Lexington and picked up my parents. We took them to Blackburn, the tiny town where they grew up. We visited my grandparents farm, which is now my dad’s farm, and talked with the renter and my cousins. Then my dad wanted to drive around town slowly, looking at it for what he assumed would be the last time. He told us some stories as memories came up.

Today he wanted to go to church so we did that. I noticed when we were putting the compression stockings on him that he had some droplets on his skin and little tiny blood spots on the stockings. That was new. The edema in his legs is worsening, causing tiny capillaries to begin to burst. That is not an expected progression of this diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. The hospice nurse that I had come look at that told us that. It could’ve been worse today because of the big day that we had yesterday with him up for a long time not taking his regular naps. So it may calm down in the next day or two. Although it will certainly continue to progress eventually. My boss said that his dad had about eight weeks of edema in his legs at the end.

I decided to takeoff this coming week at work so that I can take advantage of my dad‘s mental clarity. He is getting a fentanyl patch every 72 hours. That’s new he just had the second one put on yesterday. It’s working very well to manage his pain. He saying his pain is only had a one or two whereas before he was saying five. And he was putting off starting the morphine because he figures that it will lead to loss of mental clarity. With the fentanyl is pairing to manage it for now very well while leaving him mentally clear, if a bit slow.

He is a bit agitated he keeps thinking of all these things he wants us to know and take care of. Today I went through all the financial accounts and got clear on what bills are paid automatically which we have to write checks for etc. Where are the different accounts are at Banks. As I take notes and ask him questions and get clear on those things it seems to take a load off his mind. He’s very worried about how my mom will fare without him. So I’m doing what I can to reassure him.

I told my sister the latest about the edema, and that she might want to look for some opportunities in the coming days to see him while he still has mental clarity. It may be that his body could start shutting down, or that we have to give more pain relief, and that he could get confused or become unconscious etc. I think that will happen I just don’t know how soon.

So she and her family and Dane are coming tomorrow to spend time with him. I’ll go over in the morning maybe cross a few more things off his to do list. In the hopes that we could maybe just enjoy the time together and relax when they get here. He has all these little things he wants me to know about the house, getting the gutters cleaned turning off the faucet in the winter outside, changing filters in the furnace etc. Wants to keep taking care of everything.

At the farm Saturday and church today he took every opportunity to tell each person how he appreciated them and love them and to say goodbye. So it’s very emotionally bitter sweet. He’s always been a reserved man, so it’s interesting to see this side of him. And how easily he is crying. It was not something I ever saw growing up.

For the most part I am not crying in his presence the way my sister very easily does. She hates that, she feels she should try to be strong. She’s worried that it upsets him and mom as well. I told her he knows that it’s because she loves him. And that I felt like perhaps people see me as coldhearted since I don’t cry. I’ve been telling her that I have been crying or choking up now and again in private. And when I told Dane about dad asking us to drive slowly through Blackburn so he could see it one last time, I started crying. Doing it again now telling you all.

My dad is running us pretty ragged. Mom has been dealing with it daily for a while, and I got good and worn out today. He said he thought he might want to watch TV when we got the hospital bed and set it up in the living room. But he doesn’t want to, he’s not interested. But his mind is going. So he thinks of all these things that he wants us to know, and he makes lists. And then he wants to tell us or ask us to check something, or fix some thing. As well as helping with the compression socks and getting dressed and keeping track of medication‘s and feeding him very small portions of food. It’s pretty endless all day long between his short naps.

My mother sister, my aunt, is letting me stay at her house to sleep. She’s always lived here in Lexington my whole life. We spent so much time here. So she’s kind of like my second mom. So that gives me a little respite time. It’s nice and calm and quiet here. Everything‘s orderly. At my parents house the dining room table in the kitchen island and the counters in the refrigerator are all covered with paperwork and mail and bills in the world in his notes and to do list about what to take care of. And medication‘s and medical supplies. It’s pretty chaotic.

I thought I would cook for myself but at least for the coming week I asked my aunt if she would make something for supper each night. I could have eggs for breakfast and scrounge a salad and some cheese at lunch but I want at least one substantial meal. And with all the clutter and such at my parents it’s difficult to cook right now. I felt perfectly fine asking her and she absolutely agreed and is glad to do it. I told my mom her sister was going to do that for me, and she got all weird. I said mom, I asked -my- aunt to cook supper for -me- and she said yes. I’m not quite sure what my mother’s reluctance to take my aunts help is all about. My aunt is six years older than my mother, she’s 86 now. And she is in good health, and a retired nurse. And she has repeatedly expressed desire to help, comes over and does help. She’s says, “I think I’m just in the way or it seems like they feel that way. So I try not to stay too long.” She is pretty bossy, and does like to do things her way. Maybe it’s nothing more than them being tired of that after all these years. I tend to think her way is the right way, so I’m kind of on her side. Lol. She has been going to the store for them, picking up things they need. So they let her do that.

Even though it is calm and quiet here., I didn’t sleep well last night and here it is 1215 I’m still not asleep. So I am relaying all this to you all. All via voice to text on my phone. So apologies for any typos, punctuation weirdnesses weird capitals etc. Thanks for listening. Love Jill

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

--

Noreen Cerqua
Arvigo Practitioner

wombcare@...
508-397-8287

Dear Jill,

Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on how everyone is doing in your family. It sounds beautiful and sad having these moments with your Dad.

I imagine the lists and all the thoughts your Dad is having is another way to hold on. This is what we do as humans attach ourselves to things and stuff to do.

It is a confusing time with everyone’s emotions and trying to figure it all out with no road map.

Glad you get a reprieve staying at your aunts home and giving her the opportunity to help out by making you dinner.

May you have many moments of love and intimacy in caring for your Dad.

Lots of Love

Noreen

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 1:21 AM Jill via <jnienhiser=[email protected]> wrote:

One correction, near the beginning of this email. The edema in his legs IS an expected progression of the disease. There’s an extra “not” in there that shouldn’t be.

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 12:16 AM, jnienhiser <jnienhiser@...> wrote:

Had a good day Saturday with my family. My sister and I went to Lexington and picked up my parents. We took them to Blackburn, the tiny town where they grew up. We visited my grandparents farm, which is now my dad’s farm, and talked with the renter and my cousins. Then my dad wanted to drive around town slowly, looking at it for what he assumed would be the last time. He told us some stories as memories came up.

Today he wanted to go to church so we did that. I noticed when we were putting the compression stockings on him that he had some droplets on his skin and little tiny blood spots on the stockings. That was new. The edema in his legs is worsening, causing tiny capillaries to begin to burst. That is not an expected progression of this diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. The hospice nurse that I had come look at that told us that. It could’ve been worse today because of the big day that we had yesterday with him up for a long time not taking his regular naps. So it may calm down in the next day or two. Although it will certainly continue to progress eventually. My boss said that his dad had about eight weeks of edema in his legs at the end.

I decided to takeoff this coming week at work so that I can take advantage of my dad‘s mental clarity. He is getting a fentanyl patch every 72 hours. That’s new he just had the second one put on yesterday. It’s working very well to manage his pain. He saying his pain is only had a one or two whereas before he was saying five. And he was putting off starting the morphine because he figures that it will lead to loss of mental clarity. With the fentanyl is pairing to manage it for now very well while leaving him mentally clear, if a bit slow.

He is a bit agitated he keeps thinking of all these things he wants us to know and take care of. Today I went through all the financial accounts and got clear on what bills are paid automatically which we have to write checks for etc. Where are the different accounts are at Banks. As I take notes and ask him questions and get clear on those things it seems to take a load off his mind. He’s very worried about how my mom will fare without him. So I’m doing what I can to reassure him.

I told my sister the latest about the edema, and that she might want to look for some opportunities in the coming days to see him while he still has mental clarity. It may be that his body could start shutting down, or that we have to give more pain relief, and that he could get confused or become unconscious etc. I think that will happen I just don’t know how soon.

So she and her family and Dane are coming tomorrow to spend time with him. I’ll go over in the morning maybe cross a few more things off his to do list. In the hopes that we could maybe just enjoy the time together and relax when they get here. He has all these little things he wants me to know about the house, getting the gutters cleaned turning off the faucet in the winter outside, changing filters in the furnace etc. Wants to keep taking care of everything.

At the farm Saturday and church today he took every opportunity to tell each person how he appreciated them and love them and to say goodbye. So it’s very emotionally bitter sweet. He’s always been a reserved man, so it’s interesting to see this side of him. And how easily he is crying. It was not something I ever saw growing up.

For the most part I am not crying in his presence the way my sister very easily does. She hates that, she feels she should try to be strong. She’s worried that it upsets him and mom as well. I told her he knows that it’s because she loves him. And that I felt like perhaps people see me as coldhearted since I don’t cry. I’ve been telling her that I have been crying or choking up now and again in private. And when I told Dane about dad asking us to drive slowly through Blackburn so he could see it one last time, I started crying. Doing it again now telling you all.

My dad is running us pretty ragged. Mom has been dealing with it daily for a while, and I got good and worn out today. He said he thought he might want to watch TV when we got the hospital bed and set it up in the living room. But he doesn’t want to, he’s not interested. But his mind is going. So he thinks of all these things that he wants us to know, and he makes lists. And then he wants to tell us or ask us to check something, or fix some thing. As well as helping with the compression socks and getting dressed and keeping track of medication‘s and feeding him very small portions of food. It’s pretty endless all day long between his short naps.

My mother sister, my aunt, is letting me stay at her house to sleep. She’s always lived here in Lexington my whole life. We spent so much time here. So she’s kind of like my second mom. So that gives me a little respite time. It’s nice and calm and quiet here. Everything‘s orderly. At my parents house the dining room table in the kitchen island and the counters in the refrigerator are all covered with paperwork and mail and bills in the world in his notes and to do list about what to take care of. And medication‘s and medical supplies. It’s pretty chaotic.

I thought I would cook for myself but at least for the coming week I asked my aunt if she would make something for supper each night. I could have eggs for breakfast and scrounge a salad and some cheese at lunch but I want at least one substantial meal. And with all the clutter and such at my parents it’s difficult to cook right now. I felt perfectly fine asking her and she absolutely agreed and is glad to do it. I told my mom her sister was going to do that for me, and she got all weird. I said mom, I asked -my- aunt to cook supper for -me- and she said yes. I’m not quite sure what my mother’s reluctance to take my aunts help is all about. My aunt is six years older than my mother, she’s 86 now. And she is in good health, and a retired nurse. And she has repeatedly expressed desire to help, comes over and does help. She’s says, “I think I’m just in the way or it seems like they feel that way. So I try not to stay too long.” She is pretty bossy, and does like to do things her way. Maybe it’s nothing more than them being tired of that after all these years. I tend to think her way is the right way, so I’m kind of on her side. Lol. She has been going to the store for them, picking up things they need. So they let her do that.

Even though it is calm and quiet here., I didn’t sleep well last night and here it is 1215 I’m still not asleep. So I am relaying all this to you all. All via voice to text on my phone. So apologies for any typos, punctuation weirdnesses weird capitals etc. Thanks for listening. Love Jill

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

--

Noreen Cerqua
Arvigo Practitioner

wombcare@...
508-397-8287

Dear Jill,

Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on how everyone is doing in your family. It sounds beautiful and sad having these moments with your Dad.

I imagine the lists and all the thoughts your Dad is having is another way to hold on. This is what we do as humans attach ourselves to things and stuff to do.

It is a confusing time with everyone’s emotions and trying to figure it all out with no road map.

Glad you get a reprieve staying at your aunts home and giving her the opportunity to help out by making you dinner.

May you have many moments of love and intimacy in caring for your Dad.

Lots of Love

Noreen

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 1:21 AM Jill via <jnienhiser=[email protected]> wrote:

One correction, near the beginning of this email. The edema in his legs IS an expected progression of the disease. There’s an extra “not” in there that shouldn’t be.

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

On Mon, Jul 4, 2022 at 12:16 AM, jnienhiser <jnienhiser@...> wrote:

Had a good day Saturday with my family. My sister and I went to Lexington and picked up my parents. We took them to Blackburn, the tiny town where they grew up. We visited my grandparents farm, which is now my dad’s farm, and talked with the renter and my cousins. Then my dad wanted to drive around town slowly, looking at it for what he assumed would be the last time. He told us some stories as memories came up.

Today he wanted to go to church so we did that. I noticed when we were putting the compression stockings on him that he had some droplets on his skin and little tiny blood spots on the stockings. That was new. The edema in his legs is worsening, causing tiny capillaries to begin to burst. That is not an expected progression of this diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. The hospice nurse that I had come look at that told us that. It could’ve been worse today because of the big day that we had yesterday with him up for a long time not taking his regular naps. So it may calm down in the next day or two. Although it will certainly continue to progress eventually. My boss said that his dad had about eight weeks of edema in his legs at the end.

I decided to takeoff this coming week at work so that I can take advantage of my dad‘s mental clarity. He is getting a fentanyl patch every 72 hours. That’s new he just had the second one put on yesterday. It’s working very well to manage his pain. He saying his pain is only had a one or two whereas before he was saying five. And he was putting off starting the morphine because he figures that it will lead to loss of mental clarity. With the fentanyl is pairing to manage it for now very well while leaving him mentally clear, if a bit slow.

He is a bit agitated he keeps thinking of all these things he wants us to know and take care of. Today I went through all the financial accounts and got clear on what bills are paid automatically which we have to write checks for etc. Where are the different accounts are at Banks. As I take notes and ask him questions and get clear on those things it seems to take a load off his mind. He’s very worried about how my mom will fare without him. So I’m doing what I can to reassure him.

I told my sister the latest about the edema, and that she might want to look for some opportunities in the coming days to see him while he still has mental clarity. It may be that his body could start shutting down, or that we have to give more pain relief, and that he could get confused or become unconscious etc. I think that will happen I just don’t know how soon.

So she and her family and Dane are coming tomorrow to spend time with him. I’ll go over in the morning maybe cross a few more things off his to do list. In the hopes that we could maybe just enjoy the time together and relax when they get here. He has all these little things he wants me to know about the house, getting the gutters cleaned turning off the faucet in the winter outside, changing filters in the furnace etc. Wants to keep taking care of everything.

At the farm Saturday and church today he took every opportunity to tell each person how he appreciated them and love them and to say goodbye. So it’s very emotionally bitter sweet. He’s always been a reserved man, so it’s interesting to see this side of him. And how easily he is crying. It was not something I ever saw growing up.

For the most part I am not crying in his presence the way my sister very easily does. She hates that, she feels she should try to be strong. She’s worried that it upsets him and mom as well. I told her he knows that it’s because she loves him. And that I felt like perhaps people see me as coldhearted since I don’t cry. I’ve been telling her that I have been crying or choking up now and again in private. And when I told Dane about dad asking us to drive slowly through Blackburn so he could see it one last time, I started crying. Doing it again now telling you all.

My dad is running us pretty ragged. Mom has been dealing with it daily for a while, and I got good and worn out today. He said he thought he might want to watch TV when we got the hospital bed and set it up in the living room. But he doesn’t want to, he’s not interested. But his mind is going. So he thinks of all these things that he wants us to know, and he makes lists. And then he wants to tell us or ask us to check something, or fix some thing. As well as helping with the compression socks and getting dressed and keeping track of medication‘s and feeding him very small portions of food. It’s pretty endless all day long between his short naps.

My mother sister, my aunt, is letting me stay at her house to sleep. She’s always lived here in Lexington my whole life. We spent so much time here. So she’s kind of like my second mom. So that gives me a little respite time. It’s nice and calm and quiet here. Everything‘s orderly. At my parents house the dining room table in the kitchen island and the counters in the refrigerator are all covered with paperwork and mail and bills in the world in his notes and to do list about what to take care of. And medication‘s and medical supplies. It’s pretty chaotic.

I thought I would cook for myself but at least for the coming week I asked my aunt if she would make something for supper each night. I could have eggs for breakfast and scrounge a salad and some cheese at lunch but I want at least one substantial meal. And with all the clutter and such at my parents it’s difficult to cook right now. I felt perfectly fine asking her and she absolutely agreed and is glad to do it. I told my mom her sister was going to do that for me, and she got all weird. I said mom, I asked -my- aunt to cook supper for -me- and she said yes. I’m not quite sure what my mother’s reluctance to take my aunts help is all about. My aunt is six years older than my mother, she’s 86 now. And she is in good health, and a retired nurse. And she has repeatedly expressed desire to help, comes over and does help. She’s says, “I think I’m just in the way or it seems like they feel that way. So I try not to stay too long.” She is pretty bossy, and does like to do things her way. Maybe it’s nothing more than them being tired of that after all these years. I tend to think her way is the right way, so I’m kind of on her side. Lol. She has been going to the store for them, picking up things they need. So they let her do that.

Even though it is calm and quiet here., I didn’t sleep well last night and here it is 1215 I’m still not asleep. So I am relaying all this to you all. All via voice to text on my phone. So apologies for any typos, punctuation weirdnesses weird capitals etc. Thanks for listening. Love Jill

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Noreen Cerqua
Arvigo Practitioner

wombcare@...
508-397-8287

Had a good day Saturday with my family. My sister and I went to Lexington and picked up my parents. We took them to Blackburn, the tiny town where they grew up. We visited my grandparents farm, which is now my dad’s farm, and talked with the renter and my cousins. Then my dad wanted to drive around town slowly, looking at it for what he assumed would be the last time. He told us some stories as memories came up.

Today he wanted to go to church so we did that. I noticed when we were putting the compression stockings on him that he had some droplets on his skin and little tiny blood spots on the stockings. That was new. The edema in his legs is worsening, causing tiny capillaries to begin to burst. That is not an expected progression of this diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. The hospice nurse that I had come look at that told us that. It could’ve been worse today because of the big day that we had yesterday with him up for a long time not taking his regular naps. So it may calm down in the next day or two. Although it will certainly continue to progress eventually. My boss said that his dad had about eight weeks of edema in his legs at the end.

I decided to takeoff this coming week at work so that I can take advantage of my dad‘s mental clarity. He is getting a fentanyl patch every 72 hours. That’s new he just had the second one put on yesterday. It’s working very well to manage his pain. He saying his pain is only had a one or two whereas before he was saying five. And he was putting off starting the morphine because he figures that it will lead to loss of mental clarity. With the fentanyl is pairing to manage it for now very well while leaving him mentally clear, if a bit slow.

He is a bit agitated he keeps thinking of all these things he wants us to know and take care of. Today I went through all the financial accounts and got clear on what bills are paid automatically which we have to write checks for etc. Where are the different accounts are at Banks. As I take notes and ask him questions and get clear on those things it seems to take a load off his mind. He’s very worried about how my mom will fare without him. So I’m doing what I can to reassure him.

I told my sister the latest about the edema, and that she might want to look for some opportunities in the coming days to see him while he still has mental clarity. It may be that his body could start shutting down, or that we have to give more pain relief, and that he could get confused or become unconscious etc. I think that will happen I just don’t know how soon.

So she and her family?and Dane are coming tomorrow to spend time with him. I’ll go over in the morning maybe cross a few more things off his to do list. In the hopes that we could maybe just enjoy the time together and relax when they get here. He has all these little things he wants me to know about the house, getting the gutters cleaned turning off the faucet in the winter outside, changing filters in the furnace etc. Wants to keep taking care of everything.

At the farm?Saturday and church today he took every opportunity to tell each person how he appreciated them and love them and to say goodbye. So it’s very emotionally bitter sweet. He’s always been a reserved man, so it’s interesting to see this?side of him. And how easily he is crying. It was not something I ever saw growing up.?

For the most part I am not crying in his presence the way my sister very easily does. She hates that, she feels she should try to be strong. She’s worried that it upsets him and mom as well.?I told her he knows that it’s because she loves him. And that I felt like perhaps people see me as coldhearted since I don’t cry. I’ve been telling her that I have been crying or choking up now and again in private. And when I told Dane about dad asking us to drive slowly through Blackburn so he could see it one last time, I started crying. Doing it again now telling you all.?

My dad is running us pretty ragged. Mom has been dealing with it daily for a while, and I got good and worn?out today. He said he thought he might want to watch TV when we got the hospital bed and set it up in the living room. But he doesn’t want to, he’s not interested. But his mind is going. So he thinks of all these things that he wants us to know, and he makes lists. And then he wants to tell us or ask us to check something, or fix some thing. As well as helping with the compression socks and getting dressed and keeping track of medication‘s and feeding him very small portions of food. It’s pretty endless?all day long between his short naps.?

My mother sister, my aunt, is letting me stay at her house to sleep. She’s always lived here in Lexington my whole life. We spent so much time here. So she’s kind of like my second mom.?So that gives me a little respite time. It’s nice and calm and quiet here. Everything‘s orderly. At my parents house the dining room table in the kitchen island and the counters in the refrigerator are all covered with paperwork and mail and bills in the world in his notes and to do list about what to take care of. And medication‘s and medical supplies. It’s pretty chaotic.

I thought I would cook for myself but at least for the coming week I asked my aunt if she would make something for supper each night. I could have eggs for breakfast?and scrounge a salad and some cheese at lunch but I want at least one substantial meal. And with all the clutter and such at my parents it’s difficult to cook right now. I felt perfectly fine asking her and she absolutely agreed and is glad to do it. I told my mom her sister was going to do that for me, and she got all weird. I said mom, I asked -my- aunt to cook supper for -me- and she said yes. I’m not quite sure what my mother’s reluctance to take my aunts help is all about. My aunt is six years older than my mother, she’s 86 now. And she is in good health, and a retired nurse. And she has repeatedly expressed desire to help, comes over and does help. She’s says, “I think I’m just in the way or it seems like they feel that way. So I try not to stay too long.” She is pretty bossy, and does like to do things her way. Maybe it’s nothing more than them being tired of that after all these years. I tend to think her way is the right way, so I’m kind of on her side. Lol. She has been going to the store for them, picking up things they need. So they let her do that.

Even though it is calm and quiet here., I didn’t sleep well last night and here it is 1215 I’m still not asleep. So I am relaying all this to you all. All via voice to text on my phone. So apologies for any typos, punctuation weirdnesses weird capitals etc. Thanks for listening. Love Jill

Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

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Hello SSR Women!

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Hoping you are enjoying life and feeling GOOD.? Our intention with this email is to be brief and thorough.? The gist is to help for planning for September.

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Also note:? Summer ritual update: postponed to fall… to Samhain time.

• OR- if anyone feels called/compelled to offer a virtual ritual via zoom between now and July 10^th, please take the reins and go for it!? (Tri-fohs will assist, if need-be.)

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The September weekend is right around the corner… 90ish days!? And 8 of us said solid “yes” to meeting in person!!? Read on for more info…

• Location:
• 542 Norton Road, Otis, MA
• Here is the Airbnb link to it:
• BOS Logan is 2.25ish hours; BDL (Bradley in Hartford, CT is about 54 mins)
• The way we figured it, this location meets the needs of the women that named what they will do to take care of themselves during the weekend.

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• Cost: plan for $190 per woman

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• PROGRAMMING: we’re still considering this.? If there is something you’re wanting or feeling you’d like to have happen during the weekend, please reach out to the TRI-Fohs by July 29^th.? In the meantime, scroll down and read more below if you’d like to hear about what we’re thinking/talking about.

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• Numbers (only if you’re interested):?
• 6 women are YES for in New England or OUTSIDE of NE
• 2 women are YES for in NE and a NO for outside NE
• That equals 8 for NE; 6 for OUTSIDE NE
• 4 women are NO for either location but will check-in/out per the SSR agreements (attending opening/closing circle or send a check-in email)
• 1 woman answered that she’s super committed to facilitating two rituals that weekend and can’t attend anything including no check-in… but I don’t know who answered that way
• 2 women didn’t reply to the survey monkey

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More info about what we’re thinking regarding the “program” of the weekend:

First, here’s what we know:

• It’s our 10-year anniversary of being SSR!? Amazing!?
• Friday night
• will be opening circle
• Saturday… more below
• Sunday
• As Petra shared with us in April, she will be flying.? We’ll have her flying ceremony in the morning.
• Business talk and the next co/tri-fohs will have an opportunity to come standing. ?(Start feeling into and deciding if you are up for the next year!)

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SATURDAY:

Assuming all 8 of the yeses are still yes when the weekend rolls around, that will be the most women together since March 2020, so we’re considering loose / relatively unstructured time to simply connect and be together again… with some ritual included in there… maybe a dance party… art… that stuff.? We’re also reviewing previous pitches (bitches!) to see what there is there.? (HUGE thank you to Kelly for sending us that info… and it looks like you’ve organized it/typed it up, too, eh?? You sneaky Priestess, Kelly!? Thank you!!! ?)

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We are committed to having opening and closing circles, business time, and Petra’s flying ceremony as virtual activities; and we are committed to having opportunity for parallel activity on Saturday with one meal where there will be an open zoom room to connect (if the four-ish women that are not in-person are interested in that).

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That’s what we have so far… if there are questions, please let us know.? In the meantime, send us any wants or feels that come up for you with regard to the weekend (no later than July 29).

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With love,

The TRI-fohs

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Yay!? Life Rewards Action!? High-five!

gretchenkainz.com

850-774-2236

she/her

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