|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 55 – Social Pressure
?
A mumor l’tayovon (lit., rebel due to temptation) is someone who regularly submits to temptation in violating a specific mitzvah.? While the prohibition against gossip mongering does apply with regard to speaking about him (as
he is not a heretic), his situation differs drastically from one who occasionally transgresses a given mitzvah but basically is committed to its observance.?
?
As we have learned, the primary prohibition against speaking loshon hora is lo saylaych rachil b’amecha, Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra?19:16).?
One who embarrasses his fellow Jew transgresses the prohibition lo sonu ish es amiso, A man shall not aggrieve his fellow (Vayikra 25:17).
Our Sages interpret the term amecha, your people, in the first prohibition as excluding only a mumor l’hachis, (lit., rebel whose intent is to spite), one whose lack of regard for a given prohibition causes him to regularly transgress it.? However, the term,
amiso, his fellow, in the second prohibition, excludes even the mumor l’tayovon.? Thus, it is forbidden to speak loshon hora about a mumor l’tayovon but it is permissible to exert social pressure on him in order to induce him to mend his sinful way.
?
It is permissible to publicize that a Jew regularly violates a particular halachah if it is clear that he is aware of the halachah and has chosen to ignore it, and it stands to reason that publicizing his behavior will induce him to change.? This applies even
if he transgresses the law out of temptation.? However, one must be certain that all the conditions of toeles, constructive speech, including purity of intent and lack on an alternative, apply.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
The Time Is Now
?
The serpent, whose deceitful words created a barrier between God and man, was cursed: “And dust shall you eat all the days of your life” (Bereishis?3:14).
The Talmud (Berachos 12b) interprets the phrase “all the days of your life” in another verse of the Torah (Devarim 16:3) as referring to the Messianic era. Thus, at the End of Days, all creatures will be cured of their maladies except for the serpent. And
just as “the snake bites because it was not charmed” [i.e. cured of its curse] so too “there will be no advantage [i.e. remedy] for the master of the tongue” (from Koheles?10:11).
Those who habitually speak loshon hora will, like the serpent, find no cure for themselves at the End of Days (Midrash Aggadas Bereishis 79:2 and Pirkei D’R’ Eliezer ch. 52). Their only hope is to repent now.
?
The gossiper brings suffering not only upon himself, but upon the community as well: “R’ Shimon ben Pazi said: Rain is withheld only because of those who speak loshon hora, as it is written (Mishlei 25:23), ‘The north wind prevents the rain and [God shows]
an angry countenance [when there is] secretive talk’ ” (Ta’anis 7b). Zohar states that this sin brings death and destruction to the world.
?
Therefore, one who cares for his own well-being and that of his fellow men will strive to acquire the golden quality of Shmiras haloshon.
? |
|
|
Keep reading Day 56, the lesson for Shabbos
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 56 – Public Announcements
?
Traditionally, Jewish communities have used social pressure in dealing with the publicly observant whose private behavior includes blatant violation of basic halachah.
?
If all else fails, it is permissible to publicize the fact that an otherwise observant Jew is guilty of immorality on a regular basis, if the disclosure will prompt him to repent.
?
Similarly, rabbinical courts have the authority to post signs informing the public of someone’s refusal (siruv) to comply with a court ruling.? Social pressure is often the only means through which rabbinical courts can enforce their decisions.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Evil Epitomized
?
The Talmud states (Sotah 42a): “Four groups will never be allowed to stand in the presence of the Shechinah (Divine Presence): scoffers, liars, flatterers, and those who speak loshon hora ... [With regard to this last group it is written] (Tehillim 5:5), ‘For
you are not a God who desires wickedness, no evil sojourns with you.’ ” The wickedness referred to here is that of loshon hora, as the psalmist goes on to say, “For in their mouth there is no sincerity, their inner thought is treacherous” (ibid. v. 10). The
habitual speaker of loshon hora is called? “evil”, as the Sages state: “R’ Chama bar Chanina said: Whoever converses with his neighbor, dines with him and then speaks loshon hora against him, is called “evil”? by Hashem” (Aggadas Mishlei 12:1).
?
Whatever words a person utters on this world are recorded Above. In the Midrash we find (Devarim Rabbah 6:5):
Let not your mouth bring guilt on your flesh ... (Koheles 5:5). How is this? When the mouth speaks loshon hora, it sins against the body by bringing punishment upon it.
?
... and do not tell the emissary that it was an error. Do not say: “I will go and speak loshon hora and no one [but the listener] will know of it!’’
?
Says the Holy One, Blessed is He: “Know that I will send an angel who will stand next to you and record every word that you speak against your fellow.’’ |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 57 – Loshon Hora and the Non-Observant
?
Based on the rules we have just studied, the rules of loshon hora vis-a-vis the totally non-observant Jew become clear.
?
(1) The average non-observant Jew today has been deprived of a meaningful Jewish education.? Whether or not he has been exposed to Orthodox Jewish life, society has prevented him from taking Torah seriously.? Rambam compares such a person to a tinok shenishbah,
a kidnapped Jewish child whose kidnappers reared him with non-Torah ideals, and whose transgressions are committed out of ignorance.? Such a person may be in the category of both amecha, your people and amiso, his fellow.? It is our obligation to educate him
with love, care, and sensitivity and it is strictly forbidden to speak loshon hora against him.
?
(2) A non-observant Jew who did receive a meaningful Jewish education, has been taught Torah values and knows that what he is doing is wrong, but claims that observance is too difficult, is a rebel due to temptation.? He is considered part of amecha, your people,
which means that loshon hora may be spoken of him only if it is for a constructive purpose.? However, he is not considered amisecha, your fellow, and consequently the prohibition of onaas devarim, causing hurt through the spoken word (Vayikra 25:17), will
not apply in his case.? Social pressure may be used to encourage observance even if he will suffer embarrassment in the process, provided that all the conditions of constructive speech are met.? Non-constructive speech that is either derogatory or harmful
would constitute loshon hora.
?
(3) The classic apikores (heretic) who is knowledgeable but rebels is considered neither your brother nor a part of your people.? If there exists such a person today, one may speak about him without any preconditions.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
The Gaon’s Will
?
In his ethical will to his family, the Vilna Gaon wrote:
?
One will stand judgment for every utterance; even a light remark will not be ignored.... The sin of forbidden speech is the worst of all, as our Sages have stated: “These are the sins whose fruits [i.e. secondary punishments] are exacted from the person in
this world, while the principal [i.e. primary punishment] remains for him in the World to Come ... and loshon hora is equivalent to them all.” What more need be said concerning this most severe of sins? To the verse, “All man’s toil is for his mouth” (Koheles
6:7), the Sages comment (Koheles Rabbah 6:6) that all the mitzvos and Torah study of a person are not sufficient to negate that which he utters [sinfully]. They further state: “Which craft should man pursue in this world? He should strive to emulate a mute
[to avoid evil talk] (Chullin 89a), and press his lips together like two millstones [which grind against one another].”
?
... Not a single [such] utterance escapes from being recorded Above. Heavenly angels are forever being sent to each person to record his every utterance. “For a bird of the sky will carry the sound, and a winged creature will relate the matter” (Koheles?10:20).
“Let not your mouth bring guilt on your flesh and do not tell the emissary that it was an error” (ibid. 5:5). |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 58 – Avoiding Flattery
?
Even where it is permissible to speak negatively for a constructive purpose, one must avoid insincere flattery.? It is forbidden to be critical of someone when he is not present, yet demonstrate approval of his behavior in his
presence.? If the concern is that the person’s feelings not be hurt, then the solution is to express respect and concern for him as a person, but clear disapproval of his behavior.
?
If one is certain that reproof will be ignored, and is therefore prepared to publicize the person’s behavior as an attempt to induce him to change his ways, one must nevertheless approach the sinner first, so as not to be suspected of insincerity.
?
In the above case, where it is clear that the person will not be moved by rebuke, one can remove the need for first speaking to him by dispelling any possible suspicions concerning one’s own sincerity.? For example, if one speaks against the perpetrator in
public (in the presence of three) rather than speaking to individual members of the community in private, it becomes clear to all that the speaker could not be attempting to gain favor with the perpetrator by showing acceptance of his behavior.? Similarly,
if the speaker is known to be zealous and outspoken and would not be suspected of flattery, he could resort to private discussion.? Also, if it is clear to all that the perpetrator is a difficult personality, and publicly criticizing his behavior could be
dangerous, then one may speak against him in private without fear of personal suspicion.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
A Proper Outlook
?
Anyone who sincerely strives to emulate Aharon HaKohen, who loved and pursued peace, must refrain from speaking loshon hora and from accepting as truth the loshon hora related to him by others.1 To accept gossip as truth is to be led along the path of sinas
chinam (baseless hatred), quarreling and strife.
?
When a person is told that So-and-so has spoken or acted negatively toward him and he accepts this report as fact, he will inevitably quarrel with that person. In the end, the two will become bitter enemies, to the point that each will seek the downfall of
the other and will rejoice over the other’s misfortune.
?
Now, would the listener react in the way dictated by Torah, all this would not occur, for upon hearing the report, he would think to himself that perhaps the information is entirely false, or at least laced with falsehood in a way that totally alters the true
nature of what had occurred. Or, perhaps the speaker had omitted certain key details which, had they been mentioned, would have cast the matter in an entirely different light. As we all know, even a change of nuance can alter a word portrait drastically.
?
Would the listener follow the way of Torah, he would seek some source of merit for the alleged perpetrator. Perhaps whatever had been done was committed without intent to harm. Any and all of the above possibilities would preclude ill feeling and ensure that
strife not come between the two parties.
?
- ???? As prohibited by the verse, “Do not accept a false report” (Shemos 23:1).
|
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 59 – Character Deficiencies
?
Helping one’s fellow to improve his character also falls within the realm of toeles, constructive purpose.? If an acquaintance requires character refinement, then the mitzvah to reprove one’s fellow Jew requires one to bring the
matter to that person’s attention with care and sensitivity.? However, if one feels incapable of offering reproof and knows that others are also aware of this person’s character deficiencies, he is permitted to discuss the matter with them and seek their advice
or involvement, if necessary.? Though we have seen that it is lowly and forbidden to speak negatively of someone even with those who are already aware of the information, constructive speech is not at all lowly.
?
Should one find it necessary to consult with someone who is unaware of this person’s deficiencies for guidance in how to approach the person, he may do so, for this too constitutes constructive speech.? However, if it is possible to discuss the issue without
mentioning names, then this course must be followed.
We have already seen (Day 53) that if one seeks the active involvement of someone who is unaware of the situation, that individual would have to investigate the matter personally and verify the facts before taking definitive action.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
No Credibility
?
When one is told loshon hora and attempts to follow the Torah’s command to reject it as false, the evil inclination often counters with the following argument: “How can you not accept this report as fact? Dare you accuse the speaker of lying, of transgressing
the prohibition, ‘Distance yourself from falsehood’? ” (Shemos 23:7).
?
The response to this is as follows: If you were to see a Jew [who is knowledgeable in the laws of Jewish observance] flagrantly violate Torah law, would you then accept as fact whatever information he has to offer about others? Certainly not! Surely one cannot
trust the word of one who openly flouts Hashem’s will.
?
A Jew who speaks ill of his fellow has transgressed “You shall not be a gossipmonger among your people” (Vayikra?19:16),
a most severe prohibition. As the halachah makes clear, this prohibition is violated even when the report is true. Thus, the speaker is guilty of severe transgression and, as such, has no credibility.?
? |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 60 – Problem Students
?
The dedicated teacher often finds it necessary to discuss the progress and difficulties of students with parents, colleagues and principals.? A lack of clear guidelines with regard to loshon hora(2) can create either a free-for-all
atmosphere, where people talk about anyone with anyone, or, at the other extreme, a simplistic approach to Shmiras Haloshon(3) which could inhibit the teacher’s effectiveness as an educator.
?
Generally speaking, the area of chinuch (child education and upbringing) constitutes a constructive purpose which would permit relating negative information concerning a student.? However, the specific conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive
purpose must never be overlooked.
?
Verification of facts is crucial.? For a teacher to play amateur psychologist and hastily diagnose the student as having some complex disability or disorder without pursuing the matter properly constitutes recklessness – and the consequences can be devastating.?
To communicate one’s evaluation under such circumstances would be hotzaas shem ra (slander).? It is an unfortunate fact that certain problematic children have not succeeded only as a result of having been misunderstood by a teacher, whose labeling tainted
the image of that student in the eyes of all his future teachers.?
?
A teacher must make every effort to fully understand the behavior of each student; he must not be swift to condemn.? It is essential that a student feel comfortable about expressing his true feelings to his teacher (in a respectable manner, of course).? Conditions
1-4 of constructive speech (see Day 50) necessitate a good heart-to-heart talk with the student before reporting a problem (unless one suspects that serious danger may be imminent).
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Source of Merit
?
To reject loshon hora as false is an exceedingly great source of merit — especially if the subject of the report is respected as a man of spiritual stature. Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (II, ch. 7) states:
?
It is said of Yeravam ben Yoash that he was a man who accorded the prophets honor. Therefore, those nations which the Holy One, Blessed is He, did not give over into the hands of Yehoshua bin Nun or David, King of Israel, He gave over into the hands of Yeravam
ben Yoash, as it is written, “He [Yeravam] returned the borders of Israel from the approach to Chamas until the sea of Aravah ...” (II Melachim?14:25).
Why did Yeravam, who was an idol worshiper, merit this? Because he did not accept loshon hora regarding the prophet Amos. ...At that moment [when he rejected the report against the prophet], God said, “Though the generation is guilty of idol worship and its
leader is guilty of idol worship, nevertheless, the land which I promised to Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov will be given over into his [Yeravam’s] hands.”
? |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 61 – With No Alternative
?
If after giving a situation much thought, a teacher comes to the conclusion that a particular student has a behavioral or learning problem and feels that it will not be possible to deal with the problem without the involvement
of the principal, his colleagues, or the student’s parents, then the teacher should speak to the necessary party without delay.
?
Condition 5 of constructive speech (see Day 50) is that the speaker’s intent be purely for constructive reasons and not out of anger or frustration.? This could be extremely trying when the student in question is disruptive and frequently upsets the teacher.?
?
Difficult as it is, teachers must not take students’ behavior personally.? The disruptive student is, in most cases, not fighting the teacher; he is struggling with himself as he deals with the challenges of life.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Pure and Wholesome
?
By rejecting loshon hora as false, one ensures that his study of Torah and fulfillment of other mitzvos remain wholesome and untainted.
?
One who is in the habit of listening to loshon hora is liable to lose thousands of mitzvos which he could have performed — specifically, the many responses of “Amen” and “Yehei Shemei Rabbah”, and the many minutes of Torah study that can be lost while listening
to gossip. Generally speaking, gossipmongers are eager to sell their “wares” to anyone who is willing to listen and at any time, even in the synagogue while prayers are in progress and in the study hall while Torah is being learned. They carry on conversations
while Kaddish is being recited, during the chazzan’s repetition of the Shemoneh Esrei, and during the public Torah reading.
?
When a person is known to refrain from listening to loshon hora, gossipmongers will avoid speaking in his presence, even when their words are intended for others to hear and not for him.
?
One who seeks to be completely innocent of the sin of accepting loshon hora should, on a steady basis, speak to the members of his immediate family regarding the imperative of shmiras haloshon. He should tell them of both the great reward for being zealous
in matters of speech and the severe retribution that one may incur for transgressing the sins of speaking and accepting loshon hora. |
|
|
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or
for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. To sponsor a daily email visit? |
|
|
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 63 – Informing
?
The second category of constructive purpose is to help those who are being (or have been) adversely affected by the subject’s behavior.
?
If one has personally witnessed a Jew causing monetary damage to another, to ensure that the victim will be compensated is a constructive purpose.? It would therefore be permissible to relate what has transpired.? After ascertaining that the facts are correct,
and after having spoken with the perpetrator, one must determine what will result from relating the information and whether or not halachah justifies effecting that result.
?
In a civilized society, the straightforward way of dealing with crime is to inform the authorities.? However, reporting one’s fellow Jew to secular officials may result in his facing punishment undeserved according to Torah.? Imprisonment, for example, is not
an acceptable means of punishment for monetary infractions, by Torah standards.? Providing information that might lead to a Jew’s imprisonment could therefore constitute malshinus (the act of being a malshin, informer).? Only if it is clear that an individual
is dangerous and poses a threat to others can he be spoken against for the sake of protecting others from harm.? Such matters are extremely sensitive and complex, and demand consultation with a competent halachic authority.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Talking During the Torah Reading
?
Unfortunately, idle conversations often begin with stories that are filled from beginning to end with loshon hora. When held in the synagogue, such conversations usually begin prior to the Torah reading, but when the reading commences, the speaker continues
his narrative so that he speaks loshon hora even as the words of our holy Torah are being read. Often, this person is among the distinguished members of the congregation whose seat is at the eastern wall, so that his sin is committed in full view of everyone.
In this way, one is guilty of desecrating Hashem’s Name in public, meaning, in the presence of ten Jews, a most severe form of chilul Hashem.
?
Note how many prohibitions this man has transgressed:
?
(1) The prohibition against speaking loshon hora, aside from numerous other commandments both positive and negative [which one might transgress when speaking loshon hora].
?
(2) The sin of “You shall not desecrate My Holy Name” (Vayikra?22:32), which, as mentioned above, was
transgressed in public.
?
(3) He has ignored the Torah reading; even if he has missed a single verse or even a single word, his sin is enormous. For our Sages consider it a serious sin even to leave the synagogue while the Torah reading is in progress; how much more so regarding one
who is present in the beis haknesses (synagogue) and whose craving for idle conversation and loshon hora causes him to ignore the word of the Living God! Often, this occurs on Shabbos, when the sin is far greater than on a weekday, as is stated in many holy
works.
?
To all of the above is added the sin of engaging in idle conversation in the beis haknesses or beis midrash, which is a great sin as stated in Shulchan Aruch — and certainly when such conversation is in the form of loshon hora! |
|
|
|
|
