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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 133 – Praise???????????
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When sincerely praising an individual’s generosity in the presence of others, one should not do so in a way that may cause his family or business partner to be upset with him for having been charitable at their expense. Acknowledging
a major donation in the presence of the donor’s spouse or offspring may arouse feelings on his or her part that the family’s money is being mishandled. If the recipient had good intentions only, he would be guilty of speaking avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Loser of Two Worlds
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A? scoffer is liable to suffer retribution in this world for his sinful behavior. As the Talmud states (Avodah Zara 18b): “Whoever scoffs will have affliction visited upon him, as it is written, ‘And now, do not scoff, lest your retribution intensify’ (Yeshayahu
28:22). Said Rava to the rabbis, ‘I ask you not to engage in scoffing, so that affliction not come upon you.’ ” The Talmud further states (ibid.) that scoffing causes one to be denied his material needs.
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Scoffers bring punishment upon the entire world, as the Talmud (ibid.) states, “Whoever scoffs brings about destruction in the world.’’ It is forbidden even to sit in the company of scoffers, as it is written, “Praiseworthy is the man ... that sat not in the
company of scoffers” (Tehillim 1:1).
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The Vilna Gaon writes in his famous letter:
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To the verse, “All man’s toil is for his mouth” (Koheles 6:6), the Sages comment (Midrash Koheles ibid.) that all the mitzvos and Torah study of a person are not sufficient to negate that which he utters [sinfully] with his mouth. They further state: “Which
craft should man pursue in this world? He should strive to emulate a mute [and avoid evil talk] (Chullin 89a), and press his lips together like two millstones [which grind against one another]”.
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Therefore, one must distance oneself from scoffers so that he will not learn from their ways; rather, he should sit where Torah is being spoken. Praiseworthy will he be, in this world and in the World to Come.
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Keep reading Day 134, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 134 – Seeking Assistance
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When seeking a person’s assistance, be it financial or otherwise, one may not mention that he knows of others who received similar assistance from this individual – unless the individual is known to appreciate the publicizing of
that fact.
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This rule is based on the concern that a person may not want his charitable acts to become public knowledge, as this could bring about an endless barrage of requests for his assistance. By mentioning his having made a contribution to a certain person, one reveals
that the recipient shared the information with others – which may cause the donor to be upset with that recipient.
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When reference to the recipient is made to bolster one’s own request and not to cause animosity, it is categorized as
avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Arrogance
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Among the root causes of loshon hora is arrogance. The arrogant person views himself as a man of wisdom and stature, and he looks down upon everyone else. It is therefore only natural that he will ridicule others. The arrogant person is also
filled with jealousy and enmity toward anyone in his community who is accorded greater honor than he. He tells himself, “Were it not for him,
I would be the recipient of all that honor!’’ This attitude brings him to delve into the other person’s history until he finds something derogatory to say about him, be it true or false, so that he can heap scorn and shame upon that individual and
lower his stature among people.
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The Talmud states (Sotah 42b) that four groups will not merit to greet the Divine Presence:
flatterers; liars; [habitual] speakers of loshon hora;
and scoffers. Arrogance can cause a person to belong to all of the above groups. He will speak disparagingly of his fellow so that the person will be shamed while he will be honored; he will scorn and mock him; he will falsely boast of personal qualities
which he does not possess; and he will flatter the wicked and refrain from reproving them, so that they will not hate him and seek to diminish his honor.
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Therefore, one who wishes to purify his soul of arrogance should forever ponder the shamefulness of this bitter sin. How can man be arrogant when he was created from a putrid drop and will ultimately go to a place of dust, worms and maggots? One should also
ponder the severity of this sin, which is one of the 365 negative commandments, as it is written, “... and your heart will become haughty, and you will forget Hashem, your God” (Devarim
8:14); and “Take care, lest you forget Hashem, your God” (ibid. v. 11).
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When a person persists in seeking fame for himself, the opposite occurs. His reputation gradually becomes diminished and he becomes an object of disgrace in the eyes of others.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 135 – Sensitivities
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To cause outright animosity between Jews is to speak rechilus; to effect a minor degree of ill feeling between Jews is to speak Avak Rechilus. An example of the latter is where one relates that someone spoke about the listener in
a manner which is neither derogatory nor harmful, but which may cause the listener to be disappointed with that individual. The classic example of this is where Hashem spoke critically to Avraham of Sarah for her having expressed incredulity upon hearing an
angel (disguised as a wayfarer) say that she would bear a child. Hashem said, “Why did Sarah laugh, to say, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, though I have aged?’ ” (Bereishis 18:13). In fact, Sarah had said, “And my husband is old.” (V. 12). Talmud Yerushalmi
(Pe’ah 1:1) states that to repeat such a statement would be to speak avak rechilus. Now, to say that a man of ninety-nine is old is neither derogatory nor damaging. However, it is a bit discomforting for a person of advanced age to hear that his spouse speaks
of him as an “old man;” therefore, to report such a remark is to speak avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Points to Ponder
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One should ponder the severe retribution, both in this world and the next, which is liable to result from arrogance. The Talmud states that arrogance causes one’s properties to become ruined (Succah 29b) and one’s resources to become depleted (Sotah 5a). The
Sages further state (ibid.) that regarding an arrogant person, Hashem says, “He and I cannot dwell together in the world.’’ Rabbi Elazar said: “Whoever is arrogant will not awaken at the time of the Resurrection” (ibid.). This last punishment is measure for
measure. Instead of pondering the fact that he will ultimately be laid to rest in the earth, the arrogant person acts as if he will enjoy prominence forever, living a life of stature in which he will always be a notch above everyone else. Because of his sinful
attitude, when his body will become part of the dust of the earth, it will lack the power to come back to life. When everyone else will return to life, he will remain asleep, underneath the feet of the people above whom he had glorified himself.
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Furthermore, arrogance makes one repulsive before Hashem, as it is written, “Despicable to Hashem are all who are arrogant of heart” (Mishlei 16:5).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 137 – Constructive Speech?
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As in the case of loshon hora, the prohibition of rechilus involves meaningless or destructive gossip only. Reporting to a person concerning what someone else said or did against him l’toeles, for a constructive purpose, is not
considered speaking rechilus and may, in fact, be considered a mitzvah.
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However, a clear understanding of the conditions which make such reporting permissible, complemented by a generous dose of objectivity, are absolute prerequisites for conveying such information.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair
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Another primary reason why people speak loshon hora is despair, meaning that they despair of being able to live by the Torah’s laws of proper speech. There are those who convince themselves that anyone who interacts with others in normal business and social
relations cannot possibly live by these laws. To support this contention, they cite the Talmudic statement that “everyone is guilty of loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a).? Of course, they are grossly mistaken.
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It is a known axiom of Jewish belief that Hashem does not make excessive demands of His creations. If the Torah places a certain obligation upon us, then surely its fulfillment is within our reach. Would adherence to the laws of shmiras haloshon be an inordinately
difficult achievement, then it would be optional, a matter for the exceedingly righteous who strive to perfect themselves in ways that others never attempt. In fact, to refrain from speaking loshon hora is required by the Torah, and involves numerous commandments.
Obviously, the Creator has endowed every Jewish soul with the ability to observe these laws.
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“A God of faith without iniquity” (Devarim 32:4) — God created man to be righteous, not wicked (Sifre ad loc.). This means that Hashem endowed each Jew with the ability to observe all of His commandments, for if not, it would be unfair to hold him accountable
for their transgression.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 138 – Constructive Intent?????????????
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People who speak rechilus usually have some motive in mind which they consider a positive one. The Torah’s view, however, is that unless the motive is clearly constructive, the speaker is doing nothing more than gossipmongering
and his words are strictly forbidden.
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The most common constructive motive that would permit relating such information is to forewarn a person of someone else’s intent to harm him so that the person can protect himself; to inform a person that someone is presently harming him, so that he can put
an end to the situation; or tell a person that someone has already harmed him, so that he can seek restitution for the damage (if it is monetary) or at least prevent any further damage.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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In Man’s Hands
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God has made man upright, but they sought many intrigues (Koheles 7:29).
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The Holy One, Blessed is He, Who is upright and righteous, created man in His image so that he too would be upright and righteous. One may ask: If so, then why did God create the evil inclination, as it is written, “The imagery of man’s heart is evil from his
youth” (Bereishis 8:21)? If God Himself refers to this inclination as “evil,’’ then who can possibly transform it into something good?
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God responds: “It is you who has made it evil! As a child, you did not sin — it is when you matured that you sinned! There are many items in this world more rigid and bitter than the evil inclination, yet you make them sweet. There is nothing more bitter then
turmusin, yet you diligently cook it seven times until it turns sweet ... surely then, you can do the same with the evil inclination that is given over into your hands” (Midrash Tanchuma, Bereishis 7).
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The intent of the above Midrash is clear. Hashem has given man the ability to subdue his evil inclination, so that it can be utilized in accomplishing his spiritual goals, as it is written, “... yet you can conquer it [the evil inclination]’’ (Bereishis 4:7).
It is man alone, through his ways and deeds, who determines who will be the victor in this crucial struggle.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 139 – Nothing to be Gained??????????
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In a situation where a person has been caused damage, it is forbidden to inform him of the perpetrator’s identity unless there is a reasonable chance that this will serve a constructive purpose. The fact that one personally observed
an improper act does not automatically justify informing the victim. If restitution seems unlikely and there is no possibility that the victim will unsuspectingly be vulnerable to further harm, nothing positive will be accomplished by telling the victim who
was responsible; to reveal the perpetrator’s identity is to speak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Within Everyone’s Reach
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Any Jew who reflects upon his ways regularly, and resolves to scrupulously refrain from speaking the forbidden, will surely succeed in attaining the quality of shmiras haloshon. As our Sages teach, one who seeks to purify himself is granted Heavenly assistance
(Shabbos 104a). They further state that if a person sincerely strives to be a tzaddik (righteous individual), then Hashem will assign him an angel who will treat him as a tzaddik; and if he will sincerely strive to be a chassid (exceedingly righteous individual),
then Hashem will assign him an angel who will treat him as a chassid (Tanna D’vei Eliyahu Zuta ch. 3).
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The Talmud qualifies the statement, “Everyone is [guilty of speaking] loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a) by saying that this refers not to actual loshon hora, but to avak loshon hara (the dust of loshon hara); that is, statements which can lead to loshon hora being
spoken or from which negative information can be inferred.1 Moreover, Maharsha (ibid.) comments that “everyone” refers only to a person who is not careful in matters of speech, and speaks whatever comes to mind. Such a person will surely be guilty of speaking
avak loshon hora. The Sages did not, Heaven forfend, mean that it is impossible for anyone to be free of this sin. With knowledge of the relevant laws and proper zealousness, any Jew can acquire the golden quality of shmiras haloshon.
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1. As an example, it is forbidden to praise someone in the presence of his enemies, as his enemies will probably respond by voicing their criticism of him.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 140 – Fact or Hearsay
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For a statement to be excluded from the realm of rechilus and be classified instead as constructive, several conditions are necessary.
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Condition #1:
Most important is that one ascertain that the information is fully accurate. This involves both verification of the facts as well as a clear understanding of the situation (as was discussed regarding conveying negative information for a constructive purpose).
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The commandment, “Do not stand aside while your fellow’s blood is being shed” (Vayikra 19:16), obligates us to report constructive information if our knowledge of it is firsthand. Should one choose to speak of an alleged occurrence that he did not personally
witness in order to save his fellow Jew from possible harm, it must be clearly stated that the information is based on hearsay and is not to be accepted as fact.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Without Rule or Regulation
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A primary cause of speaking loshon hora is that people consider matters of speech as without rule or regulation. Tragically, many do not even consider speaking loshon hora a sin. Such blatant disregard for this severe prohibition weakens the resolve of those
who might otherwise be cautious with their words.
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The following parable is a fitting response to the above situation:
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A sizable portion of a city’s inhabitants contracted a dreaded disease. All the city’s doctors despaired of curing the stricken. One day, a world-renowned physician appeared who was known for his ability to restore the seriously ill to their original health.
The illness that had swept through the city was viewed as incurable, and thus many doubted that even this doctor could save them. One sick man, however, hurried to the doctor’s lodgings at the first opportunity. “Where are you rushing?’’ one of his friends
asked. “No one else seems to be in a hurry to see this doctor.’’
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“Foolish man,’’ the patient replied. “A wise person understands that when one’s life is at stake, even the most remote possibility of a cure must be pursued. In this case, the possibility is not at all remote. This doctor has earned himself a reputation as
being able to heal when no one else can. He has cured people who were at death’s door. Should I neglect to seek his expertise because so many fools ignore this opportunity for salvation?’’
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If the above argument is true regarding physical health, how much more so does it apply regarding spiritual health. King David declared, “Go, O sons, heed me ... Which man desires life, who loves days of seeing good? Guard your tongue from evil, and your lips
from speaking deceit” (Tehillim 34:12-14). Who is a greater healer of the spirit than King David, of blessed memory? One who ignores David’s advice will remain spiritually ill eternally, and will suffer retribution in this world as well, as explained above.
Surely, then, one should pay no heed to those who make light of this most severe sin.
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Keep reading Day 141 the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 141 – Thorough Understanding???????????
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Condition #2:
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Even when one has personally witnessed a situation, he must avoid hastily concluding that one party has harmed, or is about to harm, another. Often, it is impossible to fully understand the attitude and behavior of one person towards another without a thorough
knowledge of their relationship until this point. What appears to be a sinister plot might actually be a plan of self defense. Exposing the “plotter” in such a case might leave the real victim vulnerable and defenseless.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Negativity
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Yet another primary cause of speaking loshon hora is? negativity,
as it is written? “And you spoke very negatively in your tents and said ‘Because of Hashem’s hatred for us did He take us out of [the land of Egypt]’
(Devarim 1:27)”. There are people who are wont to complain and find fault at every opportunity, to criticize the ways and words of their fellow even when, in fact, he acts toward others with sincerity and has not caused them the slightest bit
of harm. Such people never give others the benefit of the doubt; they assume every unintentional wrong to be deliberate, and are certain that it was done with malice. Whoever is afflicted with this terrible trait will speak loshon hora
regularly, for he will view whatever others say or do as intended against himself.
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One who seeks to rid himself of this destructive trait should contemplate its various ill effects; through such reflection, he will ultimately succeed in viewing others in a favorable light.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 142 – Real or Fantasy
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What may appear to be a plot-in-the-making, which should be exposed before it materializes, may sometimes be nothing more than meaningless talk. If one overhears others plotting to harm someone, he may not inform the potential victim
unless there is sound basis for assuming that the plotters are serious.
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Occasionally, people deal with anger and frustration by fantasizing, plotting and threatening with no real intent of translating their words into action. In such situations, the well-meaning bystander who conveys information is guilt of speaking loshon hora,
rechilus and hotzaas shem ra (slander).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Sin Breeds Sin
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As mentioned above, the way to rid oneself of negativity is to ponder its ill effects:
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Such an attitude makes it impossible to fulfill the commandment “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18). Usually this trait leads to sinas chinam, baseless hatred, which is a transgression of the commandment “You shall not hate your brother
in your heart” (ibid. v. 17). Baseless hatred was the sin which brought about the destruction of the Second Temple (Yoma 32b). Moreover, the Talmud states that because of baseless hatred, strife abounds in one’s home and tragedies may befall him (Shabbos 32b).
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This trait also leads to transgression of “With righteousness you shall judge your fellow” (Vayikra 19:15), which our Sages understand as a requirement to grant one’s fellow the benefit of the doubt (Sanhedrin 34b). Sefer Chareidim (66:39) writes that one who
judges his fellow critically becomes attached to one of the spiritual forces of impurity.
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Judging others hypercritically causes one to suspect the innocent of wrongdoing. Our Sages teach: “One who suspects the innocent is afflicted physically” (Shabbos 97a). Inevitably, he will also transgress the sins of causing hurt through words, embarrassing
one’s fellow, and causing strife — whose punishment is particularly severe.
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Thus, one who seeks a life that is good, both in this world and the next, should distance himself from this terrible trait.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 144 – Accuracy
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Condition #4:
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As with loshon hora, one may not exaggerate rechilus even for a constructive purpose. If a person harmed, or is planning to harm, someone else and the victim must be informed, one may not give him an exaggerated account of what has transpired or is about to
occur. This applies even if the person being warned does not take the danger of the situation seriously.
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Furthermore, one may relate only as much information as necessary for the purpose to be accomplished. To relate any additional information would be a transgression of the prohibition of rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Sensitivity in Speech
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Even if one has become so accustomed to speaking loshon hora and so overcome by his evil inclination that forbidden talk pours from his lips without his even realizing what he is saying, nevertheless, he should not despair. Through proper study and review of
the relevant laws, a dramatic change for the better will occur. His very nature will change, and he will find himself carefully weighing his own words as he speaks. Even if he will speak but avak loshon hora (words which can lead to loshon hara) he will take
note of it, and will be careful not to repeat his mistake.
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Hashem has endowed man with sensitivity, especially with regard to matters of personal speech. This ability is a great asset in the study of Torah, for when a student enunciates his thoughts, he can better perceive whether or not they are correct. As the Sages
state, “For they [words of Torah] are life to those who express them with their mouths” (Eruvin 54a). This ability to discern is true regarding other areas of speech as well.
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However, such sensitivity is exceedingly weakened through habitual involvement in idle conversation and according little thought to what one is saying. However, when one studies the laws of proper speech and, as a result, becomes cognizant of his own verbal
expression, this sensitivity returns little by little, until it attains its original strength
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 145 - Pure Intent
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Condition #5:
By commanding us, “Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people” (Vayikra 19:16), the Torah is teaching us that to derive pleasure from spreading gossip runs contrary to the mature, dignified character expected of a Jew. Thus, one who derives pleasure from
spreading gossip has violated this commandment even when his report brings about a constructive result.
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Relating what would otherwise be considered rechilus for a constructive purpose is permissible only if one’s intent is solely to accomplish that purpose. Deriving satisfaction from being “involved in the action,” or from aborting the plans of someone who is
not well liked, is forbidden.
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Nevertheless, improper motivation cannot free one of his obligations to impart information for a constructive purpose. The Torah demands that we develop a correct mind-frame and come to the aid of our fellow Jew out of sincere concern.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Cardinal Rule
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Generally speaking, unless one is certain that a given statement is not in the category of forbidden speech, he should not utter it. Even if he is inclined to think that it is a mitzvah to utter the statement and that he will receive reward in the World to
Come for it, nevertheless, he should refrain from doing so. In this way, he will be saved from Divine retribution.
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For example, if in fact one was obligated to speak critically of a certain individual and did not do so out of uncertainty, he will be able to come before the Heavenly Court and say, “I was not sure whether or not I was permitted to criticize him to others;
therefore I chose to remain silent.’’ Conversely, if he will speak critically of the person when in fact this was wrong, or if he will mistakenly initiate a quarrel out of the conviction that it is a mitzvah to do so — how will he exonerate himself before
the Heavenly Court? How will he excuse his having spoken the forbidden and having been the cause of strife? He will not be able to say that his uncertainty impelled him to speak, for if he was uncertain he should not have spoken.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?Day 146 – Constructive Result
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In day 145, we learned that one may relate rechilus for a constructive purpose only if his intent is pure and unsullied by personal motivation. Indeed, constructive intent is what distinguishes a concerned, responsible individual
from a rachil, a gossipmonger.
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However, proper intent alone is not sufficient to make such talk permissible. Unless there is a reasonable chance that the intended purpose will be accomplished, the speaker – though well-meaning – is guilty of gossipmongering.
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Occasionally, one finds himself advising friends who are victims of physical or emotional abuse, whether in a family, social or work setting. At times, the victim has yet to grasp the severity of his problem, or does not realize who the responsible party is.
Clarifying these matters for the person and advising him how to deal with the other party would appear to be a true act of kindness, a genuine mitzvah.
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In many such situations, however, the victim lacks the courage to defend himself, and will do little or nothing to improve his lot. When dealing with such a person, it is forbidden to show him how someone else is causing him agony, as that would be purposeless
gossip. Sad as it is, one may not make a person better aware of his own situation if he will not make constructive use of such clarification and advice.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Curing the Malady
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The above lends insight to the verse, “One who guards his mouth and tongue, guards his soul from tribulations” (Mishlei 21:23). Why does this verse stress the negative, that through shmiras haloshon one’s soul is saved from retribution? Why does it not mention
the infinite reward of one who avoids forbidden speech as stated in the well-known verse, “Which man desires life, who loves days ... guard your tongue from evil ...’’ (Tehillim 34:13)?
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We may suggest that the first verse alludes to the necessity of guarding one’s tongue at times when he feels that a derogatory remark might be in place and that its being uttered might even be a mitzvah. Scripture warns us that unless we are absolutely certain
that such a remark is called for, we should not express it. Following this approach, we will “guard [our] soul from tribulations;’’ that is, from the Divine retribution that will be forthcoming if in fact the remark is unwarranted. Conversely, a person who
will not exercise restraint in such situations will ultimately suffer punishment, instead of the reward he was anticipating for what he mistakenly considered a mitzvah.
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This concludes our discussion of the primary factors in which speaking loshon hora is rooted: anger, scoffing, arrogance, despair [of abiding by the relevant laws], [considering speech] without rule or regulation, negativity and saying that [a given statement]
is permissible [when, in fact, it is not]. One who has been accustomed to speaking loshon hora and seeks to cure himself of this severe malady should begin the process by searching within himself to discover which of the above-mentioned traits are at the root
of his problem. He should strive to rid himself of these deficiencies little by little and supplant them with traits that nurture interpersonal relationships and discourage negative talk.
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