Shmirat Haloshon

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 100 – Inquiries???????
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In light of the above (see Day 98), if one must inquire about a person, family, community, or school in order to make an important decision, but does not want others to know what he is contemplating, he may not engage people in casual conversation with the aim of obtaining pertinent derogatory or harmful information. Unaware that his speech is constructive, the speaker is guilty of speaking loshon hora, and the listener who drew him into conversation has caused him to sin.
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Thus, when soliciting necessary information, one must make it clear to the other person that circumstances permit this and that his response, therefore will not constitute loshon hora.
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A common practice in such situations is not only to refrain from divulging the purpose of the inquiry, but also to inquire about several people at once, so as to conceal the fact that it is a particular person about whom one is seeking information. This is absolutely forbidden. The desire to protect one’s privacy does not justify irrelevant negative information and causing others to speak loshon hora.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Love Your Fellow Jew
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Fulfillment of the mitzvah to judge one’s fellow favorably and development of the quality of shmiras haloshon both hinge on the fulfillment of “You shall love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18). If one truly loves his fellow Jew, surely he will not speak negatively of him; to the contrary, he will seek any possible merit for his actions, as he would for himself.
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If one were to commit an act which appeared improper, and he were to learn that his action was being talked about by others, surely he would fervently hope that someone would speak up in his defense and explain that, for whatever reason, he was not at fault. This is exactly what one should do when someone else’s behavior comes under scrutiny.
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Moreover, to love one’s fellow as oneself is to help him avoid situations which would result in his suffering shame or criticism.
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Let us suppose that one finds himself for an extended period of time in a city whose customs are foreign to him. He would seek out a loyal friend in that city who could familiarize him with local customs and inform him privately when his behavior might evoke negative feelings among the city’s inhabitants. In this way, he would be forewarned of anything which could possibly cause him distress or embarrassment. One should act toward his fellow in exactly this manner. If one sees another Jew doing that which could ultimately lead to his distress or embarrassment, he is obligated to warn him of this.

???????????? Keep reading for Day 101, the lesson for Shabbos

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 101 – Soliciting Information: Preconditions
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As it is forbidden to cause another Jew to transgress, one may not solicit information unless it is clearly permissible for the other person to offer such information. Thus, in order to solicit information, the following conditions must be met:
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(1)?? The person from whom information is being sought is not known to fabricate stories about others, to read into their behavior in an unjust manner, or to draw hurried conclusions about their character;
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(2)?? And the person is not known to exaggerate in his descriptions of events;
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(3) and it can be assumed that when informed that the information is necessary, he will not speak out of????? ??malice toward the subject; (thus, one may not seek information from a person who is not on good terms with the subject); and
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(4) it is clear that the information is necessary for a constructive purpose, and that there is no alternative?????? to soliciting such information.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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With Love and Respect
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We find that the Sages willingly brought shame upon themselves in order to save another person from being shamed:
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It happened once that Rabban Gamliel said: “Awaken seven judges for me and have them come to the attic.’’ The next morning, Rabban Gamliel awoke and found eight judges in the attic. He declared, “Whoever ascended without permission should descend.’’ Shmuel HaKattan arose and said, “I am the one who ascended without permission.’’ ... It was not really Shmuel HaKattan who ascended without permission, but someone else. It was only because of the embarrassment that person would have suffered that Shmuel HaKattan made his admission (Sanhedrin 11a).
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Surely, then, one should help his friend correct any improper behavior that could lead to his embarrassment. Certainly if one sees his fellow acting in a manner which is contrary to halachah, he is obligated to inform him of this privately and, if necessary, rebuke him. In so doing, one fulfills both the commandment to reprove one’s fellow (Vayikra 19:17) and the commandment to love one’s fellow as oneself.
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When one helps his fellow Jew to improve his Divine service, he brings great satisfaction, as it were, to Hashem. Conversely, when one disparages his fellow before others for his having behaved incorrectly, what does the One Above gain from this?

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 102 – Irrelevant, But Permissible
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In the cases discussed thus far, the determining factor in making it permissible to listen to negative speech was relevance. If the information is important, in a constructive sense, for the listener to hear, it is proper for him to give his attention to what is being spoken, and at times to even solicit such information.
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There are times when halacha permits listening to negative information which is of no relevance to the listener or any of his acquaintances. Where the speaker feels the need to express his anger or frustration for relief of emotional pain, one is doing an act of chesed (kindness) by hearing the person out and expressing understanding of his feelings. If the listener feels that the speaker can be made to understand how he misjudged the person responsible for his frustration, he is obligated to do so. (Often, however, a person expressing his frustrations is in need of empathy and is not open to logic. At a later point, after the speaker has calmed down, the listener could approach him and attempt to explain how he may have misunderstood the situation.)
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Care must be taken to keep the speaker from wandering from the matter at hand, and speaking irrelevantly about other faults of the one whom he feels has wronged him. Furthermore, one listening in such a situation must take care not to accept what he hears as fact.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Father’s Pain
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Picture the following: A boy has done something improper. One of the boy’s companions announces to a crowd what the boy has done. Present at this announcement is the boy’s father who, understandably,
is quite upset. He tells the one who publicized his son’s iniquity: “Had you rebuked my son in private, with no one else present, I would have been deeply grateful to you. Why did you have to make known his deed to the public? What you have accomplished is to make him an object of ridicule and disgrace. It seems to me that your intentions were not honorable. You were not out to correct my son’s behavior; rather, you sought to damage his reputation and rejoice over his disgrace.’’
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Such is the way of Hashem concerning the Jewish people, of whom it is written, “You are children to HASHEM, Your God” (Devarim 14:1). Hashem, as it were, rejoices at our joy, and is pained at our suffering. When a Jew rebukes his fellow in public, in the presence of our Father in Heaven, Whose glory fills the earth, can He take any pleasure from this?
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One should be forever cognizant of Rambam’s statement that one is required to be as concerned for another Jew’s possessions and honor as he is for his own (Hilchos Aveil 14:1).

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Today's Inspiration

#6451

Rays of the Spirit

Said the Sudilkover: "Every human action sends a ray of the spirit into the realm of divinity like a stream of running water. When the channel is clean, the water running through it is pure. Likewise, if a man's action is worthy, its spiritual influence makes for holiness. Let us beware lest we send up rays of impurity."

Source: The Hasidic Anthology

Rebbetzin Legumsky shiur - "3 times 7 equals 22" - this Sunday 9pm

#6450

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#6447

"A miracle. My husband has had a bad back 3 times since Pesach. We bought TerraCure creams on Thursday afternoon and he used them once. The next morning - a miracle! He is good as new and we are telling all our friends and family! Tizku Lemitzvos.", N.A. Jerusalem

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"A TIME FOR YIDDISHKEIT" Shidduchim!!

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?Comments from women:?

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I came on a trip you organised 3 years ago. It's one the most meaningful and enjoyable trips I have ever been on!

Ester - Leaving from Ramat Beit Shemesh.

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Thank you so much for a fabulous and extremely inspiring trip. Please keep me posted on all future trips.

Thanks?so much.

Chodesh tov,

Devorah

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Thank you and your very special family for such a wonderful trip. It was an amazing Chizuk and wonderful recharge for me. Please let me know about future trips.??

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Have a great Shabbos!

Sara

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I loved the trip-- very inspiring

Being with your mom is like being with a rebbi!

Chaya

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Dear Deborah

I feel like my spiritual batteries have been recharged...

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Whos ever tefillas are answered is in your Zechus.

May Hashem shower you & your family with more brachas than you can ever hold.

With appreciation to you , The Rebbetzin, your daughter Esty & Rachel.

Thank you?

Maddy?

?Thank you for your amazing day yesterday. Inspiring and spiritually uplifting.? Great company, lovely activity and tasty food.? Waiting for the next one.? Love Ruty xxx

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Good Morning Devorah.

I hope you got to sleep well! You surely deserve it!!

It was such a beautiful trip and you ran it so well.

I LOVED that you kept the times and kept it all moving.

THank you again for the opportunity

Have a lovely day

Blima

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I hope you are feeling very happy today for all the zchusim that you acquired yesterday, for all the tefillos

said for individuals and Klal Yisroel ?(May they all be answered soon) and for giving us a meaningful, wonderful and enjoyable day with a lovely group of ladies!!!!

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Rebbetzin as usual explained so much and is always so listenable to!!!

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It must have taken phenomenal organization and you took care of tons of details!!!

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I loved being so close to the Kinneret which we saw for a long time and because of the glass painting which was such fun we all have

a tangible memento of the trip. I now have a cute little besamim bottle.

The meal was really delicious and varied -mamash gourmet!!

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I would have liked to have shared these impressions on the bus but was too tired by the end as I was lacking sleep!?

Hoping the funds raised will provide hours of Ohel Yaakov Torah learning!

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Thank you again my dear.

Get some well deserved rest.

Love

Sharon

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Dear Devora,

The davening trip to kivrei tzadikim was amazing. The rebbetzin's lectures combined with fascinating stories were stimulating and inspirational. The lunch was truly gourmet (as advertised) and the glasspainting workshop was relaxing and fun. There was a feeling of camaraderie among the wonderful ladies who came.

It was an inspirational and memorable day.

I appreciate all the thought, organization and hard work that went into this.

Thank you

Rivky

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Dear Devora,

Thank you so much for a most special trip!!?

This was my first time coming on the trip (I hope the first of many IY"H!), and it was an incredible experience.

Your mother gave such depth to the tefilla, it was a transformative experience.?

The lunch was just amazing (as in- AMAZING), and the workshop was really fun!! It also broke up the day so nicely, a light activity in the middle.?

It was also really nice to meet so many new faces.

I'm carrying the day with me, and please let me know about the next one!

Thank you again,

Tova

RBS

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Thinking outside the box- my latest op-ed in The Jerusalem Post

#6443

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Employment: Company Based in RBS Aleph Looking to Expand its Team

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Today's Inspiration - Shavua tov!

#6439

The Life of Holiness Creates Holiness

The Mezeritcher explained the saying in the Ethics of the Fathers (2:1); "Know what is above you," means: "Know that everything that above is due to you. It is your life of holiness that creates holiness in heaven."

Source: ha-Hasiduth ve-ha-Hasidim

Today's Inspiration - Shabbat shalom!

#6438

10 Rules on Happiness by the Slonimer Rabbi

"1. Happy is he who studies the Torah and gives satisfaction to the Creator, according to his ability.
"2. Happy is he who constatntly searches his actions and regrets every unworthy act.
"3. Happy is he who recognizes the aid his Master gives him continuously.
"4. Happy is he who reminds himself at all times to fear the Lord and His retribution.
"5. Happy is he who devotes his life to study.
"6. Happy is he who sanctifies the name of the Lord by his acts and who takes care to avoid the opposite.
"7. Happy is he who increases continuously his devotion in the service of the Lord.
"8. Happy is he who withstands temptations.
"9. Happy is he who serves his God with his whole heart, and who does not consider this out of the ordinary.
"10. Happy is he who ends his days in repentance and holy service, and who dies with a clear conscience."

Source: Or Yesharim

Aspiring composers! Ari Goldwag on the elements that made "Yesh Tikva" a HIT

#6437

You love music and you love composing it.?

??You might have a head (or an MP3) filled with songs that (almost) nobody’s heard.

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Listen in as?Ari identifies 6 basic elements that he cooked into "Yesh Tikva," turning it into a universally beloved song that sticks in people’s minds like glue.

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#6436

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