SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?Day 146 ¨C Constructive Result
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In day 145, we learned that one may relate rechilus for a constructive purpose only if his intent is pure and unsullied by personal motivation. Indeed, constructive intent is what distinguishes a concerned, responsible individual
from a rachil, a gossipmonger.
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However, proper intent alone is not sufficient to make such talk permissible. Unless there is a reasonable chance that the intended purpose will be accomplished, the speaker ¨C though well-meaning ¨C is guilty of gossipmongering.
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Occasionally, one finds himself advising friends who are victims of physical or emotional abuse, whether in a family, social or work setting. At times, the victim has yet to grasp the severity of his problem, or does not realize who the responsible party is.
Clarifying these matters for the person and advising him how to deal with the other party would appear to be a true act of kindness, a genuine mitzvah.
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In many such situations, however, the victim lacks the courage to defend himself, and will do little or nothing to improve his lot. When dealing with such a person, it is forbidden to show him how someone else is causing him agony, as that would be purposeless
gossip. Sad as it is, one may not make a person better aware of his own situation if he will not make constructive use of such clarification and advice.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Curing the Malady
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The above lends insight to the verse, ¡°One who guards his mouth and tongue, guards his soul from tribulations¡± (Mishlei?21:23).
Why does this verse stress the negative, that through shmiras haloshon one¡¯s soul is saved from retribution? Why does it not mention the infinite reward of one who avoids forbidden speech as stated in the well-known verse, ¡°Which man desires life, who loves
days ... guard your tongue from evil ...¡¯¡¯ (Tehillim 34:13)?
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We may suggest that the first verse alludes to the necessity of guarding one¡¯s tongue at times when he feels that a derogatory remark might be in place and that its being uttered might even be a mitzvah. Scripture warns us that unless we are absolutely certain
that such a remark is called for, we should not express it. Following this approach, we will ¡°guard [our] soul from tribulations;¡¯¡¯ that is, from the Divine retribution that will be forthcoming if in fact the remark is unwarranted. Conversely, a person who
will not exercise restraint in such situations will ultimately suffer punishment, instead of the reward he was anticipating for what he mistakenly considered a mitzvah.
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This concludes our discussion of the primary factors in which speaking loshon hora is rooted: anger, scoffing, arrogance, despair [of abiding by the relevant laws], [considering speech] without rule or regulation, negativity and saying that [a given statement]
is permissible [when, in fact, it is not]. One who has been accustomed to speaking loshon hora and seeks to cure himself of this severe malady should begin the process by searching within himself to discover which of the above-mentioned traits are at the root
of his problem. He should strive to rid himself of these deficiencies little by little and supplant them with traits that nurture interpersonal relationships and discourage negative talk. |
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