SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 93 ¨C Admonishing the Speaker
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The commandment, you shall reprove your fellow (Vayikra?19:17), requires
a Jew to inform a sinner that his behavior is improper, and attempt to convince him to mend his ways. In voicing his disapproval, one must be prepared to endure embarrassment and insult and should continue to protest. Only in a case where one knows that his
reproof would cause the sinner to react by committing more serious offenses is he to refrain from speaking up.
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(Reproof must be administered with respect and understanding, and should be done in private whenever possible ¨C see Rashi to Vayikra?19:17).
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Generally speaking, one is required to interrupt and reprove the speaker of loshon hora, and do his best to ensure that he put a halt to his sinful speech. As mentioned, this does not apply when the speaker would likely react by expressing yet greater negativity
towards the person he was speaking about, as a way of defending his sinful talk.
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Another situation where reproof would be out of place is when:
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The speaker does not realize that the information he is conveying is loshon hora, or is totally unaware that loshon hora is prohibited by the Torah; and
it is obvious that the speaker will continue speaking loshon hora even after being told that this is forbidden.
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In such a case, reproof would transform the speaker from an inadvertent sinner into one who sins intentionally. Hence, it is better not to reprove him.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Choose Your Company
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One should avoid association with a given group unless he knows that its members are careful to avoid forbidden speech. If circumstances demand such association, one should limit it to a minimum, and maintain silence whenever possible. Even one sinner can ruin
an entire group and make it necessary to avoid being in its company.
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Sefer Rosh HaGivah writes:
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Be alert, my son, regarding that which King Shlomo said: ¡±In the ears of a fool do not speak, lest he disparage the wisdom of your words¡± (Mishlei 23:9). Beware of a gathering of one hundred men among whom is found even one scoffer or fool, and certainly if
[one of the fools] is a wise man in his own eyes, for he is the quintessential fool ...1 Strengthen yourself to sit in silence at such a gathering, do not discuss anything at all. Even if you will speak all sorts of wisdom, they [the scoffers and fools] will
best you and grant you disgrace, as it is written,¡±Iniquity appears and disgrace follows¡± (ibid. 11:2).
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If you wish to converse [at such a gathering] with a man like yourself, be careful that your words not reach their [the scoffers¡¯] ears. Thus does Scripture advise:¡±In the ears of a fool do not speak,¡¯¡¯ rather than, ¡±Do not speak with a fool.¡¯¡¯
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- See Mishlei 26:12. A fool who considers himself wise has no hope of acquiring wisdom, and thus is the greatest fool of all (Metzudos ad loc.).
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?Keep reading Day 94, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 94 ¨C Group Reproof
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We have seen that one must reprove the speaker of?loshon hora?even if it is highly unlikely that the reproof will be effective.
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When several people are involved in a discussion that includes?loshon hora, one must speak up and caution them that what they are discussing is forbidden. However, unlike the case of an individual who speaks?loshon hora, if the people ignore
reproof, one should not persist in his rebuke unless he feels that his words might ultimately achieve a positive result. In an unreceptive group setting, it is wise to refrain from excessive reproof.
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An exception to this rule is when one finds himself in a community where the prohibition of?loshon horahas long been disregarded. Widespread disregard calls for more than ordinary reproof. It demands persistent protest, calling for an awareness of
the severity of speaking?loshon hora, and knowledge of what constitutes?loshson hora.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Step-by-Step
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One who seeks to attain the quality of?shmiras haloshon?should use the very opposite approach of the gossiper. The gossiper makes it his habit to sit among groups involved in conversation, in the hope that he will hear some bit of information that
he can ridicule or spread to others. The gossiper is forever in search of ¡±the latest news¡± in his town, so that he will have no lack of material to relate all day and night.
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The quality of?shmiras haloshon?should be attained gradually. The first step is to accustom oneself to avoid groups involved in idle conversation and to train oneself not to inquire about the latest gossip. One should train himself, little by little,
until he reaches the point where he does not even want to be informed of any gossip. With the passage of time, Hashem will help him so that?shmiras haloshon?will become a part of his very nature. He will find it incredible that others can transgress
the sin of speaking?loshon hora, which to him has become something repulsive, like anything else which the Torah prohibits. |
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