Get thee behind me Satan
(Luke 4:5-8 (King James Version))
I was thinking about Burn's remark, "the rank is but the demon's stamp." And I said, really, probably by the time this program goes out in some of the further far corners stamps really will be about a guinea.
I've been trying to avoid stamping envelopes at all since this latest increase. And it can avoided to a large extent
If I get an invitation, I take it into a darkened room and put it under a spotlight and you can read the invitation.
If it's 14 Abbotsbury Road on the 14th, I don't write on the envelope , I don't open the envelope, I just scrub the address out and say I cannot accept this, try 14 Abbotsbury Road on the 14th. I don't open the envelope. I just scrub the address out.
If I want to go, if I want to accept, I just scrub it out and write "Try 14 Abbotsbury Road, I'm sure he lives there, because I'm attending a party there with him."
There's a lady who has written to me and she lives at Loughsbourough. So I thought if I could reply to her letter now, it'll save me going through these torturous motions of not putting a stamp on.
It was a Dolly Heaton who wrote to me from Loughsbourough. And she was in a rather bad way. She was about nineteen going on thirty-one. And she's in trouble with her personal life. And she's got no boyfriend. And she says boys are not interested in her. It can't be her figure because she's kept beautifully slim. Does she lack a second language or poise or a mo-ped? Could I advise her. And she included a snapshot?
It was a profile in a one-piece bathing costume. And indeed she was rather slim.
But Dolly, or Dear Ms. Heaton of Loughsbourough,
Thank you for your letter. But I think you're wrong about the question of figure. I believe you've overdieted,Dolly. How can I explain this to you tactfully what you are missing?
You know the Loch Ness, Dolly, well, you know, Dolly, that I just can't determine whether there is a creature lurking there, nesting there. And why not, Dolly, because Loch Ness has no visible bottom; and neither have you.
Miss Heaton, I know you have dieted and you think it's a good thing, but you have overdieted because you have forgotten the importance in this world of curves.
Visualize the Rubens' lady that kept the Georges so happy to conemplate in the eighteenth century. The Rubens' lady didn't have a behind like an underfed Alsatian. The Rubens' lady's behinds was like half a hundredweight of bi-furcated blumage. And that is what was attractive to the Duke of Wales, King Edward the Seventh, lady. He liked om pom.
From your photograph, you have om and no pom. And definitely there's a trace of a bum.
The Society ladies used to wear bustles in order to cultivate what was called the London derriere.
But if you ask my advice, what is lacking, I say to you, Miss Heaton. Don't worry you're not lacking anything that a new regime of chip butties, and black pudding and milk stout wouldn't put right.
If you want to get a man, get thee behind, Miss Heaton.
Frank Muir 750930a
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