One morning, just after Parker
had moved on to the Twentieth Century Fox lot, he gathered his staff and told
them that Buddy Adler and Lou Schrieber, who were running the studio, were
coming by for their first in-person meeting with the Colonel.
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Parker wanted it to be an event
they'd never forget. First, he ordered a sign to read COLONEL PARKER'S WEST
COAST OFFICE, which he placed over the men's room door. Then he stationed
everyone in his place. Diskin and Byron were to pick up the phone and make
imaginary calls, while Trude was to look studiously secretarial. Then he
installed Elvis's corpulent friend Arthur Hooton, in the shower with a steno
pad and a stool.
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"If anybody laughs,"
the Colonel said to the group, "you'll be sent back to wherever you came
from." With that, he unwrapped one of the Duke of Paducah's country
sausages, greased the doorknobs, and disappeared into the men's room.
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"When Adler and Schrieber
came in," remembers Raphael, "Trude told them that Colonel was
waiting for them in his West Coast office." She pointed in the direction
of the men's room, and Adler opened the door to find "the Colonel sitting
on the toilet with his pants down, and this gigantic fat guy in the shower
pretending to take dictation. The Colonel said, 'Come on in, close the door,
don't worry about anything."
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The handsome and dignified Adler
tried to pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary as he listened to a man
on a toilet going on about how he intended to promote their motion picture.
Schrieber, too stunned to say anything, remained mute.
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"After about five
minutes," says Raphael, "Adler and Schrieber started to smell
something horrendous on their hands, because they'd handled the doorknobs. You
can imagine what they thought, but they didn't want to embarrass anybody. They
just wanted to get out of there. And the Colonel just kept talking, keeping
them there as long as possible. They didn't know what to do. They were in
shock."
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Finally, Parker let them go, and
the office erupted into hysterics, Byron and Trude realizing their new boss was
the kind of man who left people dazed, walking around and talking to
themselves. The next day, the manager of Fox's newest star called Ed Dodelin at
RCA and had him send both of the executives a large cabinet television,
courtesy of Elvis and the Colonel.
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The Colonel: The Extraordinary
Story of Colonel Tom Parker and Elvis Presley
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