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I wish I could go back to when my kids were 4, with what I know now, but I’m not sure I’d have the energy!

We have little grandkids over sometimes, who are 2, 3, 4, 5 years old (the current ages of the younger four of five—the eldest is 13).??

We do NOT have the energy we had!? Keith is better with these kids than he was with ours, because he's retired and soft and more confident.? I get tired easily, and can't play on the floor, as I could when my own were little.??

It's easy looking back to appreciate what we had that's lacking now, :-)

It might be impossible to hear people say "This time will pass too soon," or "appreciate infants while you have them," or "five year olds are still so little," without just being irritated at the old-folks-style noise.? ?That's been going on for as long as there've been people, I'm sure—mothers of older kids and adults Isaying "This will pass, too soon," to the younger, frazzled moms.

"Frazzled" makes it hard to think softly sometimes. :-)

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Sandra
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(If this doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, it is one.? "AElflaed" is my medieval-studies/SCA name.)

I wanted to comment on the topic title. :-)?

Putting quotation marks on "irrational" does suggest the mom knows that a four year old couldn't be "rational," or that it's something the mom considers irrational but might not be.

My husband and I are in our sixties now, and we're the only two living here. and yesterday we had irrational outbursts, and yelled, and it was brief but stupid, and he was really angry, and I wasn't happy myself.??

Now I'm writing about an investment in my own future (made years back).? I called Holly, our youngest, only daughter, only childless offspring, the only one whose work schedule has har free at 2:00 p.m. on a Monday. :-)? ?I asked her to call her dad and calm him down and make him feel better.

She was on the freeway, eight or ten miles away when I called.? She was on the way to her house, but she could as easily get to ours.? I didn't WANT her to come over, I wanted her to Call Her DAD.? I was still cranky and knew he was wound up above and beyond my own level of "that was STUPID."??

She said she would call him and tell him she was coming over. :-)

She was a great mediator.? She did what I used to do when the kids were little.? She came and checked my side of the story, and went and talked to her dad (way other end of the house, in his own hidey-hole room; I as in the kitchen working on webpages).

She was back there a few hours, helped him do some maintenance and cleaning, heard his side of that story, and some other things about what he'd been doing, and about her newish job.? She's working a full-season contract on a job she used to be occasional on, helping train people who are interested in farming in this area—small farms, hoop houses, greenhouses,? within the irrigation area along the Rio Grande—it's interesting.? She worked on a small vegetable farm (small farm AND small vegetables :-) ) for five years..... ANYway, I had heard more of the recent stories than Keith had.

Later she came and talked to me again.? Everyone was calm, and she advised me on what I might could've done better, and reminded me of how Keith is, about some things.? She was totally right. It was super helpful.

So maybe if you're sweet to your kids, they'll grow up and come and be sweet to you.? Not every time, no guarantee, but yesterday was a nice experience.

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Sandra

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(If this doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, it is one.? "AElflaed" is my medieval-studies/SCA name.)

I didn't get to what I was building up to. :-)? Sorry.

When Keith and I had a brief, loud argument, one of us might've been rational, but neither one was.

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In our regular partnership if one of us is frustrated, the other usually smooths and soothes, but that didn't happy yesterday.? We needed to import Holly (though I didn't know it; she was right).

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In the case of a partnership in which one is only four years old, all the "rational" part falls to the mom. :-)? But someday, maybe, it will turn the other direction.? Holly is 31 years old.? If you have little kids that might seem like an impossibly long time into the future but I felt like that too, and here it is. :-)? ?All my kids who used to be little, and were all teens at once, and who all grew up and scattered out in their 20s, are all back in Albuquerque, in their 30s. :-)

Your experience will most likely be different, but expect the unexpected. :-)? ?(And don't expect whatever you might be envisioning otherwise.)

Sandra
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(If this doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, it is one.? "AElflaed" is my medieval-studies/SCA name.)