Some of this sounds too scripted and wordy.? It's unlikely that boys, especially, will be that verbal when it's a choice between an interesting game and a mom who's talking too much.
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On Sat, Jul 1, 2023 at 09:13 AM, Tara F (rhymes with Sara) wrote:
Or, you might notice that you *do* need to take action. It could be, "I feel sad because it's time to let go of the sparkle of unschooling during childhood years." Maybe you journal, or print some photos to stick on the fridge or maybe you sit and brainstorm cool new ways to bring the sparkle, like playing your own video game in a common area and asking him to help you with it. I play Wordle every day, but if my kiddo is around I ask him for a 5 letter word to start me off.
(Just make sure that if you decide to take action, that action clearly asks for his help but keeps the ownership of feelings on you. 12 is too early, but now that I have an older teen, I can say things like, "Hey, I felt sad when you said, 'What are you still doing here?' Next time, would you try, 'Mom, did you need something else? I need to focus on my game right now' -- would that work for you?" As long as he has room to say, "Nope, I probably won't remember to do that if I'm too focused on my game, so I prefer if you just leave after you drop off food.")?
It's good for moms to practice figuring things like that out on their own without asking.??
If a teen REALLY said? 'What are you still doing here?' I would say something short and funny if possible, or say "I was watching you, but I'm going to go watch a movie" (or something) or "Who are you asking, like that!?"¡ªthat second one would be a way to remind someone to be nice without saying "Be nice," or "Hey, I felt sad when..."? ?But because we built up to it over long years, slowly, I rarely stayed too long, or they might've said "Did you need something else?"
Speak to your kids as you would to a visiting friend.? That might make it easier.
This would not work for me, if someone said it to me.? "Hey, I felt sad when you said, 'What are you still doing here?' Next time, would you try, 'Mom, did you need something else? I need to focus on my game right now' -- would that work for you?"? ? FIRST, I'm expected to listen to the whole thing and comprehend it, and then to respond RIGHT THEN about whether it would work for me to use that response in the future.? No.? I want to speak my own words? Your kids probably do, too.
If Moms want to script some things to say on their own, it's good to keep it short and sweet.
There are some Just Add Light posts about the value of fewer and quieter responses.
Sandra
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(If this doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, it is one.? "AElflaed" is my medieval-studies/SCA name.)
