Four is a really intense age.? My fifth child is currently four years old.? What helps me is remembering that five years is MUCH easier, trying to help him get enough sleep, enough big muscle playing, and then setting up situations to be as pleasant as possible for everyone ahead of time as I can.??
This might be things like setting up seats at the table how they usually prefer (that's a common issue here too), putting his car seat away from the siblings he tends to fight with, having lots of duplicates in favorite toys, having his dad or a favorite big sister play with him when I need to focus on another kid.?
Sometimes when an older kid needs attention it's better to completely leave the house.? Younger kids might be upset for just a minute before dad pulls out something fun that's distracting and older sibling gets uninterrupted mom time.? For something like playing chess, the library could be a good place to go.
On Monday, December 12, 2022, Lollizah <
Art@...> wrote:
My 4 yr old DD is delightfully dramatic, excited about life, and open about her moment to moment feelings.
This is completely opposite of her dad, 11yr old brother and myself. Which makes it a joyful wonder to us.
It also perplexes us when the feelings are jealousy and rage. She can't keep it together and she tries to hurt the offending person/animal. For instance, at dinner she may not want her dad to sit by her, she so will spit at him. My response is to remove her from the table and either take her outside where she can freely spit and scream and release the anger. Or if she doesn't want to do that, I will sit at the couch with her until she calms down. Lately, she doesn't want to go in to an alternate space, she tries to hit, spit, and jump on whomever she is upset at. I physically restrain her, as gently as I can, to keep her from hurting anyone.
Understandably, this further enrages her and it takes the whole mealtime to calm down.
Another example is in regards to jealousy of my DS. He and I play chess together at the table and my DD climbs up on to one of us and tries to take the pieces or clear the board off the table. When we stop the game because of the interference, my son feels upset at being pushed aside because of his sister. I have tried incorporating her into the game: setting up the board, moving the pieces for me, etc. But she says she doesn't want me to play with him at all.
This is just a recent example. Something similar happens when I spend time with DS or even the dogs.
Things I have tried:
-Playing with her first to fill her attention bucket
-Waiting until she is asleep (it is late and my sleepiness frustrates my son- he feels like he's getting my leftover time)
-Teaching her to play so she can have a real turn (she doesn't want to /possibly can't yet learn)
-Distracting her with tablet, show, playing with Dad. No joy there.
Any ideas? What am I missing?
