I remember the frustration from the mom's angle, but I was the older child, so I'm sympathetic to your son. :-)
I don't have all the ideas you need, but I have a couple.? One, about chess, would be to wait until your daughter is fully out of the house, with her dad, or with another family to play at their house, or on an outing with friends.??
There is an episode of "Bluey," about chess, and it is super sweet.? It might help to watch that show with her, and find some pretty chess pieces she can keep as toys, to play with.? She won't know or care, probably, if it's not a full set.? Where I live, it's on Disney+.? OH!? Here are some of the good parts. :-)??
And another way to play chess with both of them might be to find a chess game for the computer or tablet, and you and the older child could collaborate on beating the game, while you play "real chess" (with the board and the pieces) with your daughter, letting her make up whatever rules she wants, or using them weird and wild other ways, without pressure to "do it right."? ?The bluey video might help. :-)? The full episode is only 15 minutes? [Eleventh?episode?of Season 3, I have googled up].
My other idea is the reminder that she will not be four years old for over a year.? Every day, she knows more.? Every day, her emotions are more mature.
I hope you get lots of other ideas.? This group.... I wish you could all see it as busy as it used to be!!
Sandra
On Mon, Dec 12, 2022 at 3:04 PM Lollizah <
Art@...> wrote:
My 4 yr old DD is delightfully dramatic, excited about life, and open about her moment to moment feelings.
This is completely opposite of her dad, 11yr old brother and myself. Which makes it a joyful wonder to us.
It also perplexes us when the feelings are jealousy and rage. She can't keep it together and she tries to hurt the offending person/animal. For instance, at dinner she may not want her dad to sit by her, she so will spit at him. My response is to remove her from the table and either take her outside where she can freely spit and scream and release the anger. Or if she doesn't want to do that, I will sit at the couch with her until she calms down. Lately, she doesn't want to go in to an alternate space, she tries to hit, spit, and jump on whomever she is upset at. I physically restrain her, as gently as I can, to keep her from hurting anyone.
Understandably, this further enrages her and it takes the whole mealtime to calm down.
Another example is in regards to jealousy of my DS. He and I play chess together at the table and my DD climbs up on to one of us and tries to take the pieces or clear the board off the table. When we stop the game because of the interference, my son feels upset at being pushed aside because of his sister. I have tried incorporating her into the game: setting up the board, moving the pieces for me, etc. But she says she doesn't want me to play with him at all.
This is just a recent example. Something similar happens when I spend time with DS or even the dogs.
Things I have tried:
-Playing with her first to fill her attention bucket
-Waiting until she is asleep (it is late and my sleepiness frustrates my son- he feels like he's getting my leftover time)
-Teaching her to play so she can have a real turn (she doesn't want to /possibly can't yet learn)
-Distracting her with tablet, show, playing with Dad. No joy there.
Any ideas? What am I missing?
Sandra Dodd