Hi,
There is a bit of fretfulness coming through in the original post.
It will help to notice and let go of any tautness or negativity. When I do that, I¡¯m much more likely to be helpful to others than if I¡¯m agitated myself.
We can¡¯t ¡®make¡¯ it better for others, but we can help - starting with being well-centred and present ourselves. From there, we bring more openness, more warmth, creativity, more fun. We listen better, empathise better and understand better. It makes it easier for those around us to find their own peace and flow.
Sometimes, especially for teens, frustration or sorrow or other difficult emotions intensify in the absence of a really safe place for them to be seen and accepted. When parents provide a calm place of acceptance for kids, kids can find their emotions and circumstances much easier to accept and live with themselves.
My recommendation would be to live as calm and present as you can - let go of expectations, let go of getting caught up with fears, let go of thoughts of control - be your own calm, flowing self.
These links have lots of wonderful insights:
Debbie
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On 7 Feb 2022, at 12:41 pm, Sandra Dodd <[email protected]> wrote:
(sent for anonymous posting)
I¡¯ve been reading¡ªa LOT¡ªat your site lately, with a heavy focus on happiness and peace. I¡¯m trying to keep my head up as my oldest (18) takes another tour through depression. There have been so many quotes in different places where I have this vague ¡°*that*¡ªwe don¡¯t have THAT,¡± or ¡°this isn¡¯t happening over here¡,¡± always in an ephemeral, can¡¯t quite nail it down kind of way. But today I read on the radical unschooling FB group a quote (from a few weeks back, from Jo Isaac, to a mom who wrote in): ¡°Is she happy? Is she thriving?¡± And I thought, THAT! That¡¯s it. No. No, he¡¯s not.
So if I can pose a question to the Always Learning group (honestly, I might have asked before¡..I know I¡¯ve sought answers in various places over the years; I don¡¯t THINK I¡¯ve asked here): How do you unschool a teen through depression? When so little lights them up and interests them; when there¡¯s so little they¡¯re passionate about? When I hear (repeatedly) how exercise will help, but I can¡¯t force him to exercise? (Or get outside in the sunshine¡ªanother example.)
We do still have a truly good relationship¡ªI¡¯m the soft spot for him to land in all this, and I¡¯m grateful that he¡¯s willing to open up to me and thankful I can be there for him through all the yuck. But I want to do more to help than simply be a steadying presence (even if that is a good thing to be). I want to help bring him back to enjoying life, if that¡¯s possible.
Brief answers to potential questions: yes, he¡¯s on meds; no, hasn¡¯t seen a counselor in awhile (tho he used to); and there are two younger siblings who are thriving (which I sometimes think makes things worse, as he watches them have so much fun in their days).
Any thoughts?
________________ end of quote; reminder that it's another mom, not my own question _______________________
