On Tue, Nov 30, 2021 at 05:48 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
My kids are 11 and 6, and since they were born, my husband and I have valued ¡°Always Saying Yes!¡± to their interests and desires.
This is how that looks on Joyce's page these days:?
Very many people took her original article title, without reading the title, and caused problems for themselves, their children, their marriages, their relationships with others, their own clarity.? ?Very many people came back and said "But you said..." and complained about the problems being caused.
As Joyce wrote later:??
This response, probably more than any response I've written, has helped and confused more people ;-)
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Don't think of "say yes" as a rule. In fact, use the better phrasing of "Say yes more." (I can't remember who first rephrased it that way, but I thank them!) Ask yourself, "Why not? Who's going to die?" If you're unsure of yes say, "Let me think about it." And then?do?think. (You can also get on line to ask for perspective.) Don't use it as a delaying tactic, hoping they'll forget. Be trustworthy.
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See these as tools to move toward being your child's partner. Rather than shutting down a child's request that may be inconvenient, see them as requests to explore, to try out their ideas. Help them find safe, respectful of others, practical ways to do what has piqued their curiosity.?
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I'm keeping the original title because many have said the shocking statement was a helpful pull in the right direction for them.
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That, and the original writing, are here:
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I know that I took one sentence from the first post in this topic, without what followed.? I will quote it below, but the qualifying "I know..." statements didn't change the (seeming) face that problems had been created.? :-)
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That quote with some more context:
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"My kids are 11 and 6, and since they were born, my husband and I have valued ¡°Always Saying Yes!¡± to their interests and desires. Like many here know, sometimes this means saying Yes to a safer variation of their desire or timing that fits the family team, but we usually follow their interests and find the excitement within."
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Sandra
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(If this doesn't look like Sandra Dodd's e-mail, it is one.? "AElflaed" is my medieval-studies/SCA name.)
