***I would like to have some more ideas to help Conchinha with her thoughts and fears***
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I believe that different people have different ways of working through their thoughts and fears.? Ethan liked to talk about them, but not before he was ready to.? He came to me.? He'd come and sit by me.? I could tell he had something on his mind.? I'd put my hands in my lap and wait.? Sometimes I'd ask, "What's on your mind?"? After he shared his thoughts, he liked suggestions, but not too many.? Not everyone likes suggestions.? He liked to argue a bit if it was something he was frustrated with.? I'd engage in a non-confrontational way.? Basically, I learned to see what he was needing and I did my best to be there for him.? I wasn't always successful, but we both came to trust that I was giving it my best effort.??
Sometimes distraction was better than talking.? If he was bored or restless, for example, talking about it doesn't help at all.? In that case, I'd look for things that might help pass that uncomfortable time between engagements.? A new game, maybe.? A movie, occasionally, although Ethan isn't a big movie guy.? A walk/bike ride someplace new.? I'd show him something I'm working on or bring out something hidden away that might be of interest.? Sometimes I'd just talk about something different--share a story about my parents or my past or something I've read or seen recently.??
It was/is good for me to remember that it's not my duty to erase his fears or uncomfortable thoughts.? The best I can do is be there for him, solidly, creatively, and in a way that's sensitive to his needs and helpful to his process.?
***I need some ideas to change our days up a bit, because I also feel like we're in a rut.***
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We've been in lockdown, off and on since March of last year.? These are some things that have worked for us.? They may or may not work for you, but hopefully they'll spark some ideas.? :)
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Dinner, in a way we don't usually do it--make our own pizza, rolling out the dough ourselves and each picking our own toppings;?rachlette grill on the coffee table with all the fixings to cook each our own plate of food; breakfast for dinner; picnic blanket in the middle of the living room (or back yard) all set up like we're in a park; picnic in a new place outdoors somewhere; food we haven't tried before; candles while we eat; a card game while we eat; a new show saved to watch at dinner time.
We watched The Great Pottery Throwdown recently.? Ethan has done pottery in the past, but isn't very interested in doing it now.? He did, however, really enjoy watching this show with Doug and I occasionally.? Then, when I tried something he'd seen in one of the episodes, it gave us a little something extra to talk about.? Even if he hadn't watched, I'd talk?a bit about what I'd seen and what I planned to make in response.? Then I'd show him.? Cooking shows might be fun that way.? Dog shows.? Other making shows.? I've found it useful lately to try to connect what we watch to what we do in some way, even if it's only peripherally?for Ethan.? It feels a bit like getting out, without the ability to actually get out!
Do you have local friends you can swap things with?? Every month I drop a box full of goodies off at a friend's place.? She and her kids explore the contents for a month or so and then they return it.? I fill it with all kinds of random curiosities and games and puzzles.? Her younger daughter, especially, loves it.? Ethan helps me pick things out.? It's fun to go through some of our things with him this way.? I think it would be fun to do a swap if you have friends who might want to do that with you.? You could just leave it on each other's doorstep, perhaps.??
We've done beach cleanups in our area.? That's been a good way to get out and feel useful.? Often, we chat about things we probably wouldn't chat about if we were home doing our usual things.??
Sometimes subtle things can create a bit of a shift that gets one moving in a new or lighter direction.? A new piece or style of music playing in the background.? New smells from cooking new foods, or lighting new candles, or using new soaps.? Maybe from soap or candles you've made!? A new lamp (or an old lamp) in a new spot.? Rearrange the furniture a bit.? Paint a wall a new colour.? Make some temporary art to hang on the walls.? Origami cranes flying down a hall or across the ceiling maybe.
Do goofy or quirky things.? Put googly or sticker eyes in fun places for people to find.? Hang a picture upside down.? ?Wear your clothes backwards and see how long it takes someone to notice.? Screw in a disco light bulb in the washroom or kitchen.? Live lightly, when possible.? Bring cheer, when you can.? Remember, this, too, will pass.? <3
Karen James
Karen James