On Sep 16, 2020, at 10:30 AM, Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote:

Peter, things sound?really awful for you. On the subject we are discussing, a friend in Australia found Jon Kabat-Zinn's 'Full Catastrophe Living to be very helpful. She had auto-immune diseases AND then was badly hurt in an auto accident along with her son (fortunately both were in recovery when I last was in contact) and was facing many months of painful physio-therapy to get back to use of one arm and shoulder. We had been discussing meditation for her issues with her auto-immune disease and I recommended she?read Kabat-Zinn. She was my colleague/team-mate's wife - he is from Sri Lanka and she is from India but both are Australian citizens now. After she got home from weeks in the hospital, he told me that that book had been helpful to her both before and after the accident. I haven't read that one myself. I have Wherever You Go, There You Are and Coming To Our Senses.?

Jacqui: Tonglen is very nicely explained and taught in Good Medicine by Pema Chodron, if you haven't read that.?

To all:

"Sending lovingkindness to Trump was anathema to me, as well. (May you be free of suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. ) However, Marguerite made me see my thinking was wrong. "

I spent a good bit of time mentally exploring this after I heard, from Jack Kornfield I think, that the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela spent time loving and accepting people who had done bad things to them. I like Marguerite's thinking better but my eventual acceptance was due more to selfishness and a need for peace. Hate and dislike do not help my equanimity. Also, a casual remark by a very Christian (I think) liberal activist telling me that it wasn't good for my soul to wish ill on other people hit home. My karma comes from what I think, say and do and I needed to think well of everyone for my own equanimity. That is why I started doing lovingkindness meditations for people who I didn't like or who annoyed me, including DH at times. From there it was a small step to doing it for people like McConnell, Trump and others who spew hate. I'm not yet at a point where I can truly send love to them but at least I'm saying the words and I no longer feel my BP rise when I do.?

I will cogitate on Marguerite's rationale tomorrow. It seems very rational and logical and not as selfish as mine.

A lot of this is what keeps me sane. While my dad is not in the same situation as Therese's or Jenny's parents, he drives me nuts. We don't deserve that he wear his hearing aids so communicating with him is extremely difficult. He wears them for others, not for us. And while I normally get a few months break while he visits my siblings, that isn't happening now with COVID-19 and may never happen again depending on how things go. His doctors are here so if he goes to one of them, he may not be able to come back in time if there are spikes here or there. It is not impossible to deal with all this but it is frustrating and my BP was going up every time I had to talk to him about something that he really needed to understand. I started with Lovingkindness meditation towards him and now use Tonglen to get more patience in dealing with him.

Sorry for the long email

On Wed, Sep 16, 2020 at 12:39 AM Peter Jobson via??<dillwynia=[email protected]> wrote:

Wow! SO much going on in Mongerland. I send you strength Therese so you can make your Dad's days happy and easy; and to Jenny that you can get a easy solution for your folks in going to a better place for them.

Well, the Land of the Hotz has been interesting. Covid is more something I encounter in media rather than locally experiencing. I would have to be in one of the safest places on the planet right now. The cost is the locals complacency, and that our vulnerable indigenous peoples see it as a white fella disease & are thus immune. Instead, I live through a crime wave of stolen cars, home invasions and domestic violence. There is currently a civil war between disaffected Aborigines and? Australian Trumpster-like rednecks. My local feed tells me what a wonderful leader he is, along with our Australian conservative leaders & that a curfew, the army, or any other heavy handed method to beat the Aborigines are the best option. It is an unpleasant town in so many ways.

Work is ridiculously busy and depressing. I send much of my time endorsing the use of all the aquifers to grow hay or hemp - to the level that shall kill all life on the surface, and turn the areas into a Sahara desert analogy. Then there is the onshore gas fracking I am forced to endorse, and so on & so on. The mandate I work under is so strict that I am forced to say yes all too often. It is exhausting. It goes completely contrary to my scientific & conservation training.

The hectic level is mad & I would work at the same level as our medical staff in hospitals during these times. I easy do the workload of 3-4 people. I feel overwhelmed, and there is nothing to stop it. Our whole group is like this, and with our state government broke, there is definitely no possibility of extra staff - and if so, they are always zoologists. This is the other killer, the higher management are quite happy for the flora section to be made incompetent from overwork, which highlights their contempt of our skills.

My manager is now a gaslighting sh!t. We are going through a restructure, and his snide emails, his over-eager? announcing of any petty error I do, and the appalling comments about my tiny unit during the review section of the restructure should have been destroying, but I do have that Battle of Britain stoicism and bravado that shows he hasn't affected me at all (I am angry more than upset or hurt). Our executive are fully aware (my manager loves to cc them into everything) & I think once he is forced to retire (as a result of the restructure), then there should be a relief. My only fear is my new manager may be a mini-Me of my current one. All new executive positions are going to be from within our division & the pool of potentials is not filling my heart with joy.

I'm counting the 9.5 years till I can retire.

Mr Boof the cat has been ill of late. He had dental surgery about 5 weeks ago & since then he has suffered from bowel extremes. A number of visits & over night stays at the vet hospital & currently a new diet hopefully shall eventually put him right.

Knitting hasn't been fun either. Two good knitting friends that I would hang out with in July were diagnosed with breast cancer in August. Both have had operations & the prognosis is very encouraging with just radiation therapy. The knitting crew are making a blanket for each. I am on the last of 8 squares & of course, my enthusiasm is low, but that bullheaded again means I shall have the last done this weekend. I too have been having additional skin cancer treatments - face, arms & upper chest. Some have been precursor melanomas, so we caught them in time, but that too isn't really making me a happy bunny.

Not an uplifting post, I fear. All this "stuff" means I barely post on FB, and I come home exhausted. Regularly Saturdays are spent sleeping to try & recover my mental strength to be bright for Monday.

The importance for me, is the outside world contact: I may be a lurker on here too often, but the stories are very important to me. Same too with items on social media - it stops me making what I am experiencing into a catastrophe & more into a tough time right now, but stay with it & it shall improve.

On Wednesday, September 16, 2020, 11:12:24 AM GMT+9:30, jacqui whittemore <jackiechris.is@...> wrote:

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You have had far too full a plate as well! I will be sending strength and love.?

The insight timer is great - I have been using it to find meditations to do with Marguerite in the car when she gets stuck in an overwound mode.?

Meditation for fidgety skeptics is really really good, esp as an audiobook because the authors narrate it. The second author is Jeff Warren, who shares some really amazing meditations he has written.?

Sending lovingkindness to Trump was anathema to me, as well. (May you be free of suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. ) However, Marguerite made me see my thinking was wrong.?

She had The Great Idea that we could send a letter to Santa for Bumble, and Bumble would make a special present for Trump. This would make him happy and - presto - he would suddenly be good.? Initially, I recoiled as the last thing we need is him to get?more?of what seems to bring him joy (hate, discord, violence, etc). However, it isn’t that simple.?

If there are no bad babies and children have to be taught hate, joy over suffering is?false joy?because it is against humanity’s core nature. Thus, wishing someone awful to have peace and happiness is wishing for healing. Simply put, it is wishing for the Grinch’s heart to grow 3 sizes,?not?for him to pitch Cindy Lou Who’s tree off a cliff.?

Imagine how different the world could be if Trump were to have true peace - if everyone laden down by hate did. People are redeemed every day - usually because someone left a door open to a new path.? Even if Trump isn’t, cultivating that intention and desire for healing of all can only help me be less of a jerk to those I might encounter in need of an open gate (including myself). Even knowing that, it is really hard work some days...

- Jacqueline?

On Sep 15, 2020, at 8:24 PM, Therese Shere <therese.shere@...> wrote:

my dad is failing and was admitted into hospice care last week. For now there are good days and he's often his old self, but I don't think it's going to last long.

practiced regularly for a year and a half or so (often with the help of the app called Insight Timer). I draw the line at lovingkindness meditations for Trump, though.

Jacqui, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics sounds like my cup of tea - going to go check that out.

--?

Jaya

On Sep 16, 2020, at 3:31 PM, Lise Patterson <erpatter857@...> wrote:

I surely wish it had been eight hours rather than eight days. Sending you thoughts of healing, and seconding your opinion that asymmetry might well result from lumpectomies in the past, and pointing out that if it looked like the Truly Dreadful, you wouldn't be waiting over a week for followup.

On Sep 16, 2020, at 2:32 PM, Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote:

??

Let’s plan on a scheduled meeting on Sept 20 at 7 pm EDT, 6 pm US CDT, 4 pm US PDT, and Monday Sept 21 at 9 am for Beryl.?

--

Jaya

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Thanks, Diane. I know you Mongers have my back.

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On Sep 16, 2020, at 1:33 PM, Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote:

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Let’s plan on a scheduled meeting on Sept 20 at 7 pm EDT, 6 pm US CDT, 4 pm US PDT, and Monday Sept 21 at 9 am for Beryl.?

--

Jaya

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Yes, thinking of you Ann.

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I had my annual mammogram on Monday (MRI next Monday, breast surgeon the following). Got a call today from the hospital to come back for more imaging (next Thursday) because there’s asymmetry on the left side. I am chalking it up to reduction surgery I had a few years after the initial lumpectomies on the right, but for the next eight days, I will worry.

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Ann in PA

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Juju for a nice clean “nothing to see here” mammo.?

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Sending good vibes. Waiting is very tough. If it was any consolation, I was just reading a New Yorker article about uncertainty in medical testing — short answer, a lot.

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On Sep 16, 2020, at 11:33 AM, Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote:

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Let’s plan on a scheduled meeting on Sept 20 at 7 pm EDT, 6 pm US CDT, 4 pm US PDT, and Monday Sept 21 at 9 am for Beryl.?

--

Jaya

On Sep 16, 2020, at 1:26 PM, Ann McManus via <mcmanusab@...> wrote:

I had my annual mammogram on Monday (MRI next Monday, breast surgeon the following). Got a call today from the hospital to come back for more imaging (next Thursday) because there’s asymmetry on the left side. I am chalking it up to reduction surgery I had a few years after the initial lumpectomies on the right, but for the next eight days, I will worry.

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Ann in PA

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On Sep 16, 2020, at 10:41 AM, Jenny Swanson <jenny@...> wrote:

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Yes, thinking of you Ann.

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From: [email protected] <[email protected]> On Behalf Of Ann McManus
Sent: 16 September 2020 18:27
To: [email protected]
Subject: [yarnmongers] Monday mammo

?

I had my annual mammogram on Monday (MRI next Monday, breast surgeon the following). Got a call today from the hospital to come back for more imaging (next Thursday) because there’s asymmetry on the left side. I am chalking it up to reduction surgery I had a few years after the initial lumpectomies on the right, but for the next eight days, I will worry.

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Ann in PA

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On Sep 16, 2020, at 8:43 AM, Ann McManus <mcmanusab@...> wrote:

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Oh, Therese, gentle hugs as you care for your parents.

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Ann in PA

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From: [email protected] <[email protected]> On Behalf Of Therese Shere
Sent: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 8:24 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [yarnmongers] How is everyone?

?

I meant to thank you for those comments too, Jaya. I've also done some meditation exploring in recent years and practiced regularly for a year and a half or so (often with the help of the app called Insight Timer). I draw the line at lovingkindness meditations for Trump, though. I've come to the point of pretty much abandoning the practice except in times of upheaval. And I'm in one of those now - my dad is failing and was admitted into hospice care last week. For now there are good days and he's often his old self, but I don't think it's going to last long.

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Modern (or ancient, for that matter) Stoicism is not quite what you describe, Jaya - it isn't what we mean when we say someone is stoic with a small S. It does have many commonalities with Buddhism and meditation traditions - but no mysticism. It really appeals to me because of its? faith in the rationality and wisdom of the natural world and its processes and its focus on reflection and cosmopolitanism. The idea is to be a good human, basically, and that means one who is rational (but not unemotional) and who strives for not only a better self, but for a better world for all fellow humans.

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If anyone's interested LMK and I'll recommend a couple of modern Stoics who write good material for beginners. Unfortunately some of the loudest modern Stoics practice a "bro-style" stoicism that is not my kind of thing - focusing on athletics, work productivity, stuff like that. Those people are not the real deal.

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Jacqui, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics sounds like my cup of tea - going to go check that out.

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--Therese

Thérèse Shere
Freelance indexing & digital information design

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On Tue, Sep 15, 2020 at 5:00 PM jacqui whittemore <jackiechris.is@...> wrote:

This is really interesting to hear!?

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For the last few months, I have been cultivating meditation skills myself. I started with an app called Healthy Minds. It mixes guided meditations with the underlying science. So far, I have completed 24 hours active meditation (112 sessions) while walking the dog and 3 hours learning time (58 sessions). It seems like it is transforming my life and soul, enough that I plan to repeat the entire HealthyMinds curriculum using sitting meditations once I am done!?

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Somehow I also stumbled upon Dan Harris’ Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, which led me into a whole world of other resources - audiobooks I listen to while walking the dogs, podcasts, additional guided meditations, and the Do Nothing project (helping me carve nonexistent time for sitting meditation). Anymore, I find most meditations too heavily guided vs the opposite (but I still am not doing more than 30 minutes at a time).?

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Of all the practices, Tonglen and metta have been some of the most powerful for me, and I too have started sending loving kindness to Trump and people who seriously wounded me in past. This is not something I ever thought I would be able to do. It is great to be growing and healing myself - even if I likely am much slower and have further to go than others like you. Thanks for the inspiration, Jaya!

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jacqui

Because I already know an awful lot of people. Until one of them?dies, I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.
-Audrey Hepburn, Charade

On Sep 7, 2020, at 8:07 PM, Jaya Srikrishnan <ermabom@...> wrote:

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Your philosophy is very similar to the way I was raised. My mother was a Stoic and so is my uncle. Their attitude is that whatever comes is a problem that needs to be solved and one continues without complaining, focusing on the next thing that has to be tackled.?

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For me these days, I am more in tune with Buddhist philosophy which is to focus on the moment. Not to focus on what was, what might have been, or what will happen. I have done Loving Kindness Meditation for people who I used to dislike a lot - even Trump. I now do a form of Tonglen meditation where one takes in other people’s problems (that are like yours or like those of people you love) and send out thoughts that heal those problems. These mental exercises help me deal with lot of situations with calm and equanimity although I am no where near being in that state most of the time.

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I had my annual mammogram on Monday (MRI next Monday, breast surgeon the following). Got a call today from the hospital to come back for more imaging (next Thursday) because there’s asymmetry on the left side. I am chalking it up to reduction surgery I had a few years after the initial lumpectomies on the right, but for the next eight days, I will worry.

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Ann in PA

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