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A gift is a gift
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lynn
When my grandchildren started arriving, I wanted to make them something pretty to keep forever. For the first grandson, I had quilted a small quilt for him of silhoutted cats in a window. It really came out nice and I was so happy to hand that quilt to my DIL. She seemed to like it and I thought it would be a family keepsake. About 5 years later, I was visiting them and their cat had a new litter of kitters. They brought out the box of kittens and......yep, you guessed it.....that quilt was used as bedding for the mother cat to have kittens on. My heart sunk, I'm sure that quilt was thrown out afterwards, but I bit my tongue and I never handed my DIL another quilt again. My DD saves things like that for her 5 children in what she calls "memory boxes". She saves all kinds of favorite clothes, toys, books, etc that the children outgrow. From time to time the grandchildren go through their memory boxes and enjoy looking at older loved items. They know that when
they're grown up that the boxes go with them and it makes them happy. I have no issues at all about giving my handmade items to my DD as she understands how much of my time and love go into making them. DIL is another story, but I'm sure I'm not the only one with this sort of thing going on. You just learn who you can trust to take care of your hand crafted items. I seldom keep the things I make, most of my joy in making them is to give them to someone who's face lights up and is so happy to have it. Happy stitching.....Lynn --------------------------------- Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. |
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Lynn, your story is so familiar to many of us. Perhaps when your son's children are older, you can give them something to keep. Handmade items are to be treasured and not everyone understands that. Some people only want a store bought item. I've tried to figure out over the years who likes what type gift. I've found that through the years people change. I always try to have a little something made to give as a surprise gift. It's funny, the most popular little gift is a bookmark. I let the recipient pick the one they want and many times they ask if they can have more than one. Of course, I say yes. Like you, most of the things I make go to others. I keep saying, I'm going to make something for myself, but I don't do that as often as I would like. It is the joy of giving that is important.
Take care and have a great day, Libby |
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jabugladybug
Lynn, It's hard to understand what people are thinking sometimes. I
do a lot of projects for my grandchildren too, and like you, my hope is that they will one (as adults) day pull them out from storage and smile; knowing that the gift was made, with love, from mamaw. And besides the time and love element that goes into making the gifts, there is also, for me at least, a personal connection to the project. To me, creating a beautiful keepsake is kind of like raising a child. In the beginning I have an idea, a hope, a dream of what I want the gift to be. The process of making the gift is often a journey filled with excitment, fear, anger, frustration, relief, and so much more. To complete a beautiful project gives me such a great feeling of accomplishment and pride. I get invested, and when it is time to give it away, it is sometimes hard. No one is going to appretiate or treat your child as well as it's mama! I am lucky, so far, as my family seems to treasure my gifts. But there is always that little wonder in the back of my mind...and gosh, it would just tear me up to see one of my "babies" in a yard sale! Happy sewing! Donna In HookedOnEmbroidery@..., lynn <lynncarol33@...> wrote: something pretty to keep forever. For the first grandson, I had quilted a small quilt for him of silhoutted cats in a window. It really came out nice and I was so happy to hand that quilt to my DIL. She seemed to like it and I thought it would be a family keepsake. About 5 years later, I was visiting them and their cat had a new litter of kitters. They brought out the box of kittens and......yep, you guessed it.....that quilt was used as bedding for the mother cat to have kittens on. My heart sunk, I'm sure that quilt was thrown out afterwards, but I bit my tongue and I never handed my DIL another quilt again. My DD saves things like that for her 5 children in what she calls "memory boxes". She saves all kinds of favorite clothes, toys, books, etc that the children outgrow. From time to time the grandchildren go through their memory boxes and enjoy looking at older loved items. They know that when they're grown up that the boxes go with them and it makes themhappy. I have no issues at all about giving my handmade items to my DD as she understands how much of my time and love go into making them. DIL is another story, but I'm sure I'm not the only one with this sort of thing going on. You just learn who you can trust to take care of your hand crafted items. I seldom keep the things I make, most of my joy in making them is to give them to someone who's face lights up and is so happy to have it. Happy stitching.....Lynn email and get things done faster. |
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My DH, DD & I often go watch stock car racing at
several local tracks. Some of these races are held on dirt. As you might imagine it gets very dirty. I see people bring nice quilts and hand knit or crochet afgans to sit on or to wrap up in. I see these and think if my family ever did that I'd shoot them! I don't mind regular wear & tear. I'll repair if I need to and smile while doing it. If it is beyond repair then I don't care if they walk on it. Kathy in cloudy, white, happy (BEARS WIN) N. IL ____________________________________________________________________________________ Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know. Ask your question on www.Answers.yahoo.com |
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PJR
I have bought several quilts at rummage sales for next to nothing - I can't help but "rescue" any I see - at least I give them good homes, LOL.
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I used to do a lot of cross-stitch by hand, and I see so many cross stitched items at yard sales, I still want to cry when I see one. My husband (retired Navy) feels the same way about seeing someone's medals end up in a yard sale or junk shop, and my sister (a geneologist) hates to see old unidentified photographs. Some of the things you see at yard sales and so forth just make you wonder how some people can have so little regard for handcrafting or family history. But I guess you never really know what's behind it. Merriweather ...and gosh, it would just tear me up to see one of my "babies" in a yard sale! Happy sewing! Donna |
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Ms. Lynn,
I know just how you feel. I'm not old enough for grandkids yet, but I've done things for family and friends that have been done the same way. It really hurts but like you said you learn who to give the treasures to. I was touched to know that I'm not only one that this has happened to. Keep sewing and don't let people get you down. Yours truly, Kristi Young lynn <lynncarol33@...> wrote: When my grandchildren started arriving, I wanted to make them something pretty to keep forever. For the first grandson, I had quilted a small quilt for him of silhoutted cats in a window. It really came out nice and I was so happy to hand that quilt to my DIL. She seemed to like it and I thought it would be a family keepsake. About 5 years later, I was visiting them and their cat had a new litter of kitters. They brought out the box of kittens and......yep, you guessed it.....that quilt was used as bedding for the mother cat to have kittens on. My heart sunk, I'm sure that quilt was thrown out afterwards, but I bit my tongue and I never handed my DIL another quilt again. My DD saves things like that for her 5 children in what she calls "memory boxes". She saves all kinds of favorite clothes, toys, books, etc that the children outgrow. From time to time the grandchildren go through their memory boxes and enjoy looking at older loved items. They know that when they're grown up that the boxes go with them and it makes them happy. I have no issues at all about giving my handmade items to my DD as she understands how much of my time and love go into making them. DIL is another story, but I'm sure I'm not the only one with this sort of thing going on. You just learn who you can trust to take care of your hand crafted items. I seldom keep the things I make, most of my joy in making them is to give them to someone who's face lights up and is so happy to have it. Happy stitching.....Lynn --------------------------------- Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. --------------------------------- We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love (and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list. --------------------------------- Get your own web address. Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business. |
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Margaret E. Minton
Another similar story - years ago I cross-stitched (by hand, of course) an intricate Christmas stocking for my new granddaughter. My DIL used it one year, reluctantly, and the next year made plain-jane fabric stockings which were used instead. Hmph! (EX-DIL, because 13 years later she and my son split up.) All my work and love were simply rejected. (I guess that hurt a lot because all these years later I still remember it.)
On the other hand... sometimes things you love are just NOT what the other person loves - different style, different color, whatever. So we have to accept that and move on. Margaret in Maryland |
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Wini Brady
I too labored to make a quilt for a special nephew and once when I was visiting my brother was working under a car and asked my SIL for something to lay on...... Yep you guessed it. It stung but then I realized that this SIL had no idea what had gone into the making of that quilt and so I just made up my mind to not be hurt. For a very long time I did not make any thing hand made for her and then one day she asked me why. I told her that because my time and talents were so limited that I had to schedule gifts for each person and at the rate the family was growing I was not sure if I would be able to get back to her. She sat there for a bit then it dawned on her what I had said. She was very apologetic and the next christmas she gave me something hand made, Not by her, but nonethe less it was hand made. I know she was telling me that she could now appreciate the love, labor and forgiveness in our hand works.
When we give a gift, it should be from our hearts, it should not have strings attached, and we should know that the reciepient is free to do with that gift what they please, AFTER ALL WE DID GIVE IT TIO THEM. Before my X MIL died I happened to stop at her house for a cup of coffee. It had been at least 15 years since I had seen her. It was also a spur of moment visit, No warning til I was a couple of blocks away. As we sat at the kitchen table I was amazed to see a trivit that I had made 20 years prior. It was a simple block of wood with tiles glued to it. I was so poor at the time that I did not even put grout on the trivit. But there it sat on her kitchen table and it was scuffed with the usage of time. That my friends made up for the quilt slight!!! Ok now I need to blow my nose and get back to work. Wini - House of BCC in Houston. "Margaret E. Minton" <margaretminton@...> wrote: Another similar story - years ago I cross-stitched (by hand, of course) an intricate Christmas stocking for my new granddaughter. My DIL used it one year, reluctantly, and the next year made plain-jane fabric stockings which were used instead. Hmph! (EX-DIL, because 13 years later she and my son split up.) All my work and love were simply rejected. (I guess that hurt a lot because all these years later I still remember it.) On the other hand... sometimes things you love are just NOT what the other person loves - different style, different color, whatever. So we have to accept that and move on. Margaret in Maryland |
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PJR
I love seeing something I've made and given away used, even if used to the point of falling apart, especially if it isn't used as a rag, LOL. I can even deal with having things put away and never used (my mother was one of those who put everything away to "preserve" it and never enjoyed any of it).
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But yes, some things do hurt. I once made my MIL a hand embroidered map of Ireland (she was of Irish decent). I spent much more than normal to buy the pattern on a visit to Ireland (we were living in Wales at the time), put more time into it than any project I had made up to that time, framed it nicely, and sent it back to the US as a Christmas gift for her. A few years later we came back to the US and visited, and I saw it in a stack of papers and other things, where it had been tossed after the frame had been taken off to frame and hang a gift from someone else. I agree, a gift is just that, and they can do what they want with it. But my view is, why waste my limited creative time on someone who would obviously be just as happy with a gift from WalMart? If I give a hand-made gift, and feel the amount of time, trouble and love (not to mention money) put into it aren't appreciated, than that person goes to my "ready made" or "quick inexpensive hand-made" list. Gives me more time to make things for those who are thrilled to get them. Merriweather ----- Original Message -----
From: "Wini Brady" <winipb2@...> To: <HookedOnEmbroidery@...> Sent: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 2:31 PM Subject: Re: [HookedOnEmbroidery] A gift is a gift I too labored to make a quilt for a special nephew and once when I was visiting my brother was working under a car and asked my SIL for something to lay on...... Yep you guessed it. It stung but then I realized that this SIL had no idea what had gone into the making of that quilt and so I just made up my mind to not be hurt. For a very long time I did not make any thing hand made for her and then one day she asked me why. I told her that because my time and talents were so limited that I had to schedule gifts for each person and at the rate the family was growing I was not sure if I would be able to get back to her. She sat there for a bit then it dawned on her what I had said. She was very apologetic and the next christmas she gave me something hand made, Not by her, but nonethe less it was hand made. I know she was telling me that she could now appreciate the love, labor and forgiveness in our hand works. |
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lydia c.
I don't know your MIL but maybe being of Irish decent wasn't important to
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her. I think that sometimes the problem is that we give something we love or that we think they should love. Even though I love dragons I don't want a wall hanging but a shirt that I could wear every day would thrill me. Lydia C On 1/23/07, PJR <reapes2@...> wrote:
But yes, some things do hurt. I once made my MIL a hand embroidered map of |
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PJR
Actually, it was quite a big thing with her, which is why I made it. Oh well, you just never know what's in someone's mind, do you?
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Merriweather ----- Original Message -----
From: "lydia c." <moonchild.sc@...> To: <HookedOnEmbroidery@...> Sent: Tuesday, January 23, 2007 4:09 PM Subject: Re: [HookedOnEmbroidery] A gift is a gift I don't know your MIL but maybe being of Irish decent wasn't important to |
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Hi--I guess I should feel better knowing that other people have the
same inconsiderate friends and relatives--I think my children grew up having so many handcrafted items at home and given for any kind of occasion that they took these things for granted-(although they also saw how their friends admired their clothes, blankets, pillowcases etc)--not really appreciated although as adults it seems as if there has been somewhat of an attitude adjustment. My newest DIL is a sweetheart and gets so excited over things I give her--so I am encouraged to make things for her little family--they seem to understand that they won't see these things anywhere else-- And it is funny that my oldest grandson, age 13, loves handmade items-- asks for them in fact--even though his mom, another DIL is very ho-hum about it--a name doily that I crocheted for them several years ago-at least 10--sits on the floor beside the couch and when I visit is propped up on the back of the couch-I have pretty much quit making things for her because she treats items I have made so badly--you would think it was because she doesn't realize the time and effort involved but she has seen works-in-progress many times so I know she knows, apparently just doesn't care--I could give numerous examples but----and in case you might think these items are tacky or badly made, I assure you I am very OCD about my sewing and handwork--Taking out rows and rows of crochet or knitting or miles of stitching is not unheard of if a mistake is found after the fact-- I recall several years ago at Christmas time we had secret elves at work. The name I got was a woman who collected angels so I was crocheting an angel for her--thread-small hook type of angel and it was going to be beautiful as even, I, Mrs. Super-Critical could see. At lunch one day, and mind you I am well into this project, another woman was telling about her family's "Grandma box". A box full of things Grandma had made that they kept in the closet and only took out when she was coming to visit. Talk about freaking me out--so I am very insecure about giving handmade items to others--doesn't stop me but I get nervous about it nonetheless. I know a gift is a gift but I am far better off giving/selling things to strangers so I never see them again and don't know how those items are treated. I try not to feel bad when I hear the dogs ripped up the pillows etc but its hard--I guess I am too attached but I really don't know how to become detached--Lauri |
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