THE POSTMAN
I must tell you. There are some
really stupid things going on in
this world. Take for example, the
decision to stop teaching cursive
to our children. Do you realize how
traumatic that is going to be on our
male millennial children? They will never
be able to write their names in the
snow when they pee! Look at the
mental break downs that will cause!
ENJOY THE JOKES
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction
site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to
spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided
she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot
where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a
big smile asked, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their
heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into
the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers asked why. The worker yelled,
"His wife is here with his lunch."?
?
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat
next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices
this and asks, ''Is your date running late?'' ''No,'' he replies, ''Q has
just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'' The
intrigued woman says, ''A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special
about it?'' Bond explains, '' It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.''
The lady says, ''What's it telling you now?'' ''Well, it says you're not
wearing any panties....'' The woman giggles and replies, ''Well it must be
broken because I am wearing panties.'' Bond smirks, taps his watch
and says, ''Bloody thing's an hour fast.''?
?
During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he
was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so he the German doctor
amputated his arm. He had a request that they would drop his arm over
his base in England. So the Germans did. Then next week they amputated
his other arm and he asked for the same thing. So the Germans did. The
next week they amputated his leg and he again asked for them to drop it
over his base in England. The German doctor replied, Nein, Ve do dis no
more! The pilot asked why not, and the German answered,
Ve tink you trying to escape!?
?
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the
teacher asked, ''Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23
degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east
longitude...?'' After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, '
'I guess you'd be eating alone.''?
?
?
?
drunk
this old
dominated
bed ridden
I want to marry
the maxi pad and the fart
engagement photo
you are the first
the sex is so good
the interview
before and after
bought this ring
Jack and Jill
Ethel came on the bus
the shoe shop burglary
