?
How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose??
Two calves, an ass, a beaver, a shitload of hares, 1 camel toe,
?and a fish nobody can find.?
?
A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend.?
"After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment,?
but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like?
that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what?
happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.?
"You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit.?
In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."
?
Standing beside a valiant stallion, Amanda Bynes decides she must ride?
this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she
finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.?
Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself?
euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing. Once again, the magnificent?
animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of?
her. She finds herself barely able to hang on. The startled horse is now in a?
dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of?
the horse, her head just inches from the ground... catastrophe seconds away.?
She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden......... Victor, the?
Wal-Mart door man, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
?
One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news?
and some bad news." God said. Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and?
replied, "Please give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've?
created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you?
to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive?
conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to?
reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be?
very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to?
conceive children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and?
wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after?
such great tidings?" God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow,?
"The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
?
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based?
in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having?
the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager.?
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The?
manager went to Murphy and said, 'Thank you for your interest, but we've decided?
to give the American the job.' Murphy asked, 'And why would you be doing that??
We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I?
should get the job!' The manager said, 'We have made our decision not on the?
correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed.' Murphy then asked,?
'And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?' The manager?
replied, 'Well, the American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.'?
You put down, 'Neither do I.''
?
A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced:
?about 30 minutes outbound from LA, 'I don't know how this happened, but we have?
103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.' When the passengers' muttering?
had died down, she continued, 'Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so?
someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.' Her next?
announcement came an hour later. 'If anyone wants to change his mind,?
we still have 29 dinners available!'?
?
