?
Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving?
card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma?
showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children?
liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh yeah?" her young?
grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"?
?
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ''Jesus is watching?
you!''while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who said that?!'' Once?
again he heard the same thing, ''Jesus is watching you!'' The robber looked around?
the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot?
replied, ''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What kind of a name is that?! Who names?
a parrot that?!'' The parrot said, ''The same person who named that rottweiler?
behind you Jesus!'' ?
?A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It?
takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down?
the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to?
them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his?
and she yells: ''No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!''?
?
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary?
surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained?
consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was?
waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,' said the?
nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you?
intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?'?
'No, I'm not,' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?'?
persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.' 'Well, do you have any?
close relatives?' the nun said. 'Just my sister in New Mexico,' he volunteered.?
'But she's a humble spinster nun.' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith.?
Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God.' 'Wonderful,' said Smith.?
'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.' ?
?
