?
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought?
it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?"?
he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.?
"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
?"Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought?
out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like?
to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.
?
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.?
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said 'who owns the big?
white horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and?
said, 'I do... Why?' The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, 'I just?
thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!' The Lone?
Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die?
from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water. The Lone Ranger?
turned to Tonto and said, 'Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you
can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.' Tonto said,?
'Sure, Kemosabe' and took off running circles around Silver. A few minutes?
later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, 'Who owns that big white
horse outside?' The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, 'I do, what's wrong?
with him this time?' The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,?
'Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'.'?
?
Two boys were arrested, one was drinking battery acid and one was eating fireworks.?
They charged one and let one off.?
??
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.?
It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down?
the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them.?
As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:?
''No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!''?
?
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The?
operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was?
reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going?
to be just fine,' said the nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however,?
how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?' 'No, I'm?
not,' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?' persisted the nun. 'I'm?
afraid I cannot, Sister.' 'Well, do you have any close relatives?' the nun said.?
'Just my sister in New Mexico,' he volunteered. 'But she's a humble spinster nun.'
?'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God.'
?'Wonderful,' said Smith. 'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.' ?
?
