?
THE POSTMAN
The war dept. and daughter were getting coats
and boots on...so I ask "Where ya going?"
"We are gonna go up to Aldi to the grocery store."
"Well if you are gonna go there, pick up some
chocolate donuts, the ones with sprinkles on em."
"Just yesterday you were talking about how you
wanted to make healthier choices. Donuts are NOT
healthy." "Yes they are! Well, anyways,
donuts are a lot healthier choice than a lot of
things! For example, donuts are healthier?
than crystal meth." Women, they just don't understand!
After failing to convince her of the better value
of donuts, I said. "OK just get some donuts with
no sprinkles then." You know, life is compromises,
right?
ENJOY THE JOKES
"Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your?
homework! Why are you watching television?" "It's okay,?
Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."?
?
This old man goes to the doctor's. ''Help, Doc. I just got married?
to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is?
have sex all day long.'' ''So what's the problem?''?
''I can't remember where I live.''?
??
A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack,?
I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years?
and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been?
stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think?
another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
?
A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The?
income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked,?
and the air conditioning didn't work. People simply wouldn't?
come because of the heat. And the church didn't have the?
funds to pay for any repairs. The minister got a brilliant?
idea.?He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to?
cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain,?
swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a?
hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down?
the aisle and put $20 in the plate."?They did, and he had the church's?
roof fixed that week.?This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do?
it again. Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want?
everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the?
offering plate."?They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the?
parking lot redone.?His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid?
in a long time. I deserve a little money."?He started swinging his watch again,?
and he thought, "I??deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve?
enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I?
deserve a lot more."?He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive,?
that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped?
from his grip, he yelled:?"Shit!"?
It took him two weeks to air out the church.?
