Daily Clean Jokes for May 28, 2025? ? ? ? ??
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Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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The computer nerd's pillow's outmoded;
All the stuffing is really corroded.
????????????What he does is quite wise.
????????????A new pillow he buys,
And he loves it because it's downloaded
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Quote of the Day:? ?
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What is a good cleaning quote?
¡°Cleaning is a way to show you care¡± (Unknown).?
¡°Cleaning may not be fun, but it will make you feel better¡± (Unknown).?
¡°It's not about being perfect, it's about being organized¡± (Unknown).?
¡°A clean home isn't just for adults, it's for everyone¡± (Unknown).?
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Today's One-Liner:? ?
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Some men say they don¡¯t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Well, that¡¯s the point, isn¡¯t it?
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Puns of the Day:?
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?I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an??of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Why was Dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.
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A Doin' Funny
My wife asked me this morning, "Whacha doin' today?"
I said, "Nothing."
She said, "That's what you did yesterday."
I said, "I wasn't finished."
>>>Today's Thot
When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
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Received from Mikey¡¯s Funnies.
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Medical MishapWhen I was a medical student my 'Firm' was about to start our psychiatry rotation. On the first day we turned up on the Psychiatric ward a bit worried about how we may find it, having heard rumors as you do.
We were quite relieved when the Registrar, Dr. Smith, introduced himself and took us into the teaching room to tell us about all the patients on the ward; he did a good job.
Unfortunately our fears returned after 1/2 hour when the proper registrar arrived and introduced us to *Dr. Smith* who was, in fact, one of the patients himself.
Received from Joke du Jour?via GCFL.
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?Reader's Digest Q & A Jokes
- What¡¯s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter.
- Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated?
He¡¯s all right now.
Submitted to Reader's Digest?
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What do you call a bear with diarrhea?
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Received from Reddit Clean.
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"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," my boss told me.
"Well it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I said.
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A girl was walking on the sidewalk. She sees a man lying on the street, needing immediate help. The victim says that he is having a heart attack. The girl asks people around the street. And a man approached.
Girl: Help, are you a doctor?
Man: I am a doctor. What¡¯s going on?
Girl: A Heart Attack!
Man: I am doctor in mathematics.
Girl: He is going to die.
Man: Prove it!
-----Desert Food
Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree draped in bacon strips.
"We're saved!" shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
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Thought Of The Day:
Never Marry At All
¡°Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.¡±
¨D Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
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Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree draped in bacon strips.
"We're saved!" shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
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After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."
"Fair to both?!?" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself! What's the point of hiring a lawyer for then?"
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Thought Of The Day:
Don¡¯t Go Back to Less
"Don't go back to less just because you are too impatient to wait for better."
- James Hilton
Received from aJokeADay.com.
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It's shocking that a recent study in Nature Medicine found that less than 10% of folks achieve healthy aging -- that is, living to age 70 without developing a chronic disease.
The most common chronic disease is cardiovascular disease (CVD). To avoid premature aging, you want to stay young at heart -- physically and emotionally. And according to a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine, there are five risk factors that account for around half of all cases of CVD. They're ...
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DEAR ABBY: I have been married 10 years. My husband is from another country, and the last six years haven't been easy. I've been the sole provider for our family, on the advice of our lawyer, while we were getting his paperwork complete (my husband refused to work illegally). I have stood by this man through thick and thin and endured his verbal, emotional and even a little physical abuse, I'm ashamed to admit. The final straw came when he was having a bad day and threw a tantrum in public because our toddler was crying. After he smashed his fishing pole, I told him his behavior was childish and ignorant. He told me he would show me "childish" when we got home. I took my child and have been staying with my mom for the last six months. (I also have to mention that my husband has been going through undiagnosed mental crises since COVID.) Since we left, he has realized how badly he treated me and seems to be getting help on his issues. Should I trust that he's changed to be a better man, or do I walk away? He's a great father and was a stay-at-home dad until he started working right after I left. I never want my child to think it's OK to be abused or, heaven forbid, treat someone else that way.?-- BEWILDERED IN INDIANA DEAR BEWILDERED:?I agree that tolerating mistreatment sets a terrible example for your child. You state that your husband "seems" to be getting professional help for his issues. Before making the decision to reunite or walk away, punt. Make sure he is getting the help he says he is and not just romancing you. Joining him during some sessions with his therapist might reassure you and prove beneficial for both of you IF you decide to remain married to him. |
DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend since junior high. We have kept in touch off and on over the years. The last few years, she and her hubby have wanted to visit us more often. We have visited them in their state, too. When we are their guests, we always go all out to show our appreciation for them hosting us by taking them out for dinners, etc. During their last visit, we made nice dinners and provided alcohol, which her husband drank most of. He bought himself more but didn't think to get us anything. There was also never an offer to take us out, not even to breakfast, although they took themselves out several times. We felt taken advantage of. We have decided we no longer want to host them because of their selfishness. How do I tell my friend the next time they ask to come? I know they will.?-- FEELING USED IN COLORADO DEAR FEELING USED:?The next time the woman calls and asks to visit, tell her it "isn't convenient" or you have "other plans" and will be unable to host her and her husband. Then suggest they make a reservation at a nice hotel. I'm betting they won't take you up on it, and you'll be firmly off the hook. (Repeat as often as is necessary.) |
